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elizabeth.myfastforum.org
An archive of my AB/DL stories.
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Elizabeth
Site Admin
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 172
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 Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:02 am Post subject: In For A Penni - Story |
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Introduction
It all started before I was born, or so I've been told. My sources might not be the most credible, but I guess they'll have to do. A lot of it I know myself, just because. Other parts, I had to have Jen tell me about, and... well... Big sisters should never be trusted -too- much.
Once, a long time ago, the stars were feeling tired - they've been up in the sky quite a while, now, haven't they? They deserve a break sometimes, too, more than just the daytime. They decided to come down to earth for a few days, to see the sights up close. Most of the people didn't like that much, and told the stars to get back up in the sky.
Well, the stars got all offended; they hadn't done anything wrong, and all these people were being mean to them. Just not fair. But stars don't have arms, or feet for that matter - they have to roll around to get places, which is very inconvenient - so they couldn't do much to stop the mean people. Other than ask them to be nice and let them stay for just a little longer, because they still hadn't seen the ocean, which, of course, never works. No matter what they tell you, asking someone to stop being mean is pointless.
Telling on them works much better. So some of the stars went up to talk to their daddy, the sun. He promised them he would make a human who would protect them. Like all good things, however, this human wouldn't be there anytime soon, so the stars went back up into the sky, waiting for the time when their hero appeared.
That hero is me.
Or should have been.
I guess I should explain.
A little less long ago, there was a little house out in the country, way out away from most anything else. There was lots of fresh air there, though, and a swing set in the middle of a big sandbox out back. Across the road, right before it ended completely, fizzling off into nothingness, was another house, a little smaller than the first, a garden to one side, a dirt path going from the back door to a barn that hadn't seen animals other than cats and the few mice who were good enough at hiding to get away for now (and probably some snakes, but I prefer not to think about that) for years.
There was a little family, too, one that was about to get a bit bigger, and a lot more important in the big scheme of things. The parents liked the house because of the fresh air, and knew the family who lived in the other house. The daddy had gone to school with the other family's mommy, and when he told her he was looking for a new house, she suggested that one. The family had a little girl, Jen, who was a little older than I was when all this happened at the time. I think she was about 9, and that's only a year and a half off. She liked the house's swing set.
The moon liked the house, too. He knew the stars had talked to the sun, and he didn't want the hero to help the stars. Lighting up the sky all by himself was hard, and he knew if the stars could go on vacation, he would get stuck doing it a lot more. So, he made a plan to keep the hero from growing to her full potential. But that's later.
The family who lived in the other house had a little girl, too, and her name was Caileigh. She was a few months older than Jen. She liked the swing set, too, but she liked the barn more, and soon, so did Jen. Caileigh's family was about to get larger as well, much sooner than Jen's.
"We're best friends, right?" Jen asked one day, as the two sat on the second floor of the barn, legs swinging out of the big window on the front. It was one of those long, hot summer days, when there isn't really anything to do but sit around and talk, but with more of the first than the second.
"Of course!" Caileigh answered, giggling. "And our little sisters will be, too!"
If Jen was here, she'd probably have to say that they didn't know that I was a girl yet, but who really cares? Mommy said she always knew I was, anyway. Jen didn't believe her until they scanned me. Or something.
Caileigh's little sister was born a few days later. They named her Nadine.
Caileigh and Jen had fun with the new baby, who, after a few months, was more a doll than anything. She even kept them occupied after I was born, until I was old enough for them to dress up and play with as they wanted, since, by then, Nadine was old enough to toddle away from them.
Me? Well, the name they came up with for me was Penni. Not as dramatic as I would have hoped for; it doesn't scream 'Savior of the Stars', but it'll do.
Nadine and me... We never did go together as well as Caileigh and Jen hoped. Nadine isn't a bad person. She just rubs me the wrong way, and I probably do the same for her. We became friends anyway. There wasn't much else we could do. There was nobody else around other than our own sisters, and they wanted us to be friends like they were.
It wasn't until the moon made his move that we really started to grow apart. You know, not really, but... metaphorically. I think.
We were almost always together then, and still are a lot of the time. So, when Nadine got sick with whatever it was the moon gave her, I caught it pretty quickly, before our parents realized that anything was actually wrong with Nadine.
I've always wondered why the moon chose to infect Nadine first. Maybe he thought she was the hero. I used to think she was, but I know better, deep down. I can't really explain it. I just do.
Whatever the reason, the moon's trick did its job anyway. Nadine got better in a few weeks. I didn't. I was sick for quite awhile, and even after I got better, I was never exactly hero material again. I get sick really easily, and, whether it was because of being sick for so long, or just not seeing her for so long, Nadine seemed a lot bigger than me, rather than being about the same size, like we had been before.
After that, it just seemed like she was everything I wasn't. I had gotten quiet after being in bed so long, but she was loud in everything she did. I was kind of unsteady on my feet, and she was everywhere, practically bouncing around the house, and the barn, and the swings, all at the same time. Like I said before, she was bigger than me now, and she discovered she could use that to get me to do stuff for her.
Once we started school, she got even more bossy, and more loud with what she said, though she had less to say; she had a lisp, and when she got to school, she realized how much different she talked than anybody else. So she just talked to boss other people around. She almost always knew the answer to the teacher's questions, too, but she didn't want to say them unless she knew she wouldn't sound dumb.
I wanted to be a good friend, so I pretended I had a lisp, too, so she wouldn't be alone. I had a little bit of one, anyway, or so Jen told me when I was practicing in front of her. Nadine must have noticed that, too, since she never brought up the change in the way I talked. But that could be because I didn't talk much. Unlike her, I felt lost about half the time the teacher was talking, and the few times I knew the answer, my hand shot up into the air. Usually before I gave the answer a second thought, which would have shown me that I was wrong.
We went to speech counseling - it got us out of math class, sometimes, until we got to second grade, and it got us out of music class instead. Nadine was a lot better at it than me. She's better at everything.
I think it was the beginning of that summer, the one I want to tell you about, we had our own talk in the barn.
It wasn't too hot outside yet, but we didn't feel like actually doing anything anyway. Nadine was going to turn 8 in a few weeks, and, like all of her birthdays, it was reminding me that she would always be older than me. She was going to be 8 for almost six months before I could - I'd already know about all the good stuff about being that age, and still have to wait what seemed like forever before I got to do that stuff for myself.
"We're best friends, right?" I asked, my legs tucked under myself, crossed Indian style, like we had to sit when we were outside at school. "Even if you're older than me?"
"Sure," Nadine shrugged. Her legs were swinging over the edge of the window.
I knew she wasn't lying, but I also knew she wasn't exactly telling the truth, either. Sure, she would sit with me now, but it was because nobody else but our sisters were around. That was good enough for me, at least for now. As long as I had somebody my age around to keep me from going crazy through the long months of summer, and I knew she'd do that.
I was wrong. After her birthday, she stayed in her house more. She had friends to talk to on the telephone, she told me, on the few times she came outside as I was sitting on my swing, boredly. They were more interesting than me.
I was starting to wonder if I would ever see her again for more than a few minutes at a time. And then... Then, -it- happened.
But I'm getting all ahead of myself again.
Chapter One
I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of reality.
- General Auriga Delta
The moon is a clever opponent. You never know when he's going to try something new.
I mean, surely the moon had to be behind this. My dentist had never been particularly pleasant, but he had never done this before, either. I figured it was one of those things like on TV, where he got one of his cronies to do something that would kill his opponent, eventually, then have the crony leave while death slowly crept up on the poor hero.
Being a hero is tough. Especially when the top of your mouth is filled with cement, or whatever Dr. Hugo said the stuff was. It was kind of cold, anyway, and seemed like it would taste awful, if I swallowed any of it. Probably not a good idea to do that, though. It was difficult to remember to breathe through my nose while my mouth was open, too. I kept trying to close my mouth, but my bottom jaw kept springing back downward when it was a few centimeters away from the metal tray. Getting my mouth cemented closed wouldn't be good.
What if the cement isn't getting hard fast enough, and it flows down into my throat? What if that was the point? Maybe it kept making cement, and it would just keep flowing down inside of me, until I turned into a statue?
I felt Jen's hand on my arm almost before I realized I was starting to gag. I tried to give her a pitiful look, to try to convince her to save me, but she just smiled at me and continued to rub my arm. She never has understood what I have to go through, for my destiny.
It was about then that Dr. Hugo came back, obviously expecting to find me already dead and statue-ified. He hid his surprise quite well, and I guess he had some other person he needed to torture soon, because he tugged the metal plate, now with a mold of my teeth attached to it, out of my mouth, more gently than I expected, and had been preparing for with a preemptive wince. He'd probably just been brainwashed by the moon, and got better, just in the nick of time.
"There you go. I bet that feels better, huh?" Dr. Hugo asked, managing to look at me without really looking at me. A lot of grown-ups were quite good at that, at least when they were talking to me.
I nodded, though the improvement left a lot to be desired. My mouth was dry, and it felt like there was still some of the cement still in there. The disgusted look on my face must have tipped Dr. Hugo off that I wasn't entirely pleased.
"Why don't you go down to the bathroom and rinse out your mouth, okay? And then you can go to the prize room and pick out something." I think he might have glanced at me once; mostly, he was looking at some charts or papers or something on his clipboard.
I looked over at Jen, who nodded at me, then gestured at the door. Trying to get rid of me. Hmph. She'd just better hope Dr. Hugo didn't get re-brainwashed while I was gone.
I walked slowly towards the hallway where the bathroom was, making sure to take my time. My mouth felt kind of icky, sure, but I knew they were trying to get rid of me so they could talk about me; I had a right to know what they were saying. Right?
I couldn't help but beam as I heard Dr. Hugo recognizing my courage. "You have a brave little sister, there," he said, even before I was out of the room.
Of course, my smile was quickly erased as soon as Jen answered him, saying, "Not really."
I had to stop myself from turning around and informing her just how brave I had been, but, luckily, the more tactical side of my brain kicked in, and reminded me I probably shouldn't have heard that, and if I replied, one of them would probably escort me to my proper destination. So I kept going, resolved to set her straight once we were in the car, and headed back home.
"So, what's the deal?" Jen asked. -That- was my sister, there, getting right to the heart of the problem. Made it much easier for me, plus, didn't have to stand just outside the doorway for too long this way. "Does she have a cavity?" I gasped, a bit louder than I meant to, attracting the attention of the receptionist. I smiled innocently at her and pretended to walk towards the bathroom, until she turned her attention back to the lobby.
"No, nothing like that," Dr. Hugo answered after a brief pause. I couldn't quite hear them, but in my mind, I could see him flipping through whatever papers he had on his clipboard. "Though I think she might like it better if that's all it was."
I had no idea what he was talking about, though my mind was supplying all sorts of alternatives. What could be worse? Daddy complained like it was the most horrible thing in the world every time he had a cavity, and he was pretty tough.
This was the work of the moon again, certainly. I was probably going to be getting all of my teeth taken out, so I couldn't eat. Or maybe they would just ignore the whole teeth thing, and remove my stomach instead. I bet dentists could do that, if they wanted to. Or he could be planning on gluing all my teeth together, so I couldn't eat -or- talk, so I couldn't warn anybody about the evil plans of his evil master!
"Worse?" Jen echoed my thoughts, more calmly than I could have managed. Was she finally figuring out what was going on? "Ohhh, I remember what that mold is for..."
"I'm afraid so. You might want to take her out for a milkshake while I take a look at this, to make sure."
The thought of the milkshake was almost enough to take my mind off the terrible things that were going to be done to me soon, until it began to make me worry even more. If a dentist was suggesting a milk shake, then whatever he was going to do must be pretty bad. I was doomed.
I heard footsteps approaching the door, and, having enough to worry about without adding the threat of getting caught, ran to the bathroom. By the time I decided my mouth was clean enough, Jen was waiting for me, leaning on the wall beside the door, arms crossed, staring at the ceiling.
"Slow poke," she teased. I stuck out my tongue at her as I dried my hands on the sides of my shorts. "Are you done yet?"
I shook my head. "I still hafta get a prize," I informed her.
Jen sighed. "Oh, for..." She closed her eyes, calmed herself down. "Could you please not take all day?"
"I never take all day," I informed her. "I just hafta make sure I choose the right thing." I had become quite the connoisseur of stuff you could get from various kinds of doctors over the years - they had the best stuff at the hospital, but Dr. Hugo wasn't bad.
"How about we do this when we come back?" Jen suggested, holding out her hand to tell me that it wasn't really a suggestion.
"We're coming back?" I complained, not needing to pretend to sound upset. Guess she hadn't talked Dr. Hugo out of it or anything. Probably still didn't realize what he meant to do.
"Afraid so, babe." Since I hadn't taken her hand yet, she reached out and took mine, starting to lead me back down the hallway. "Dr. Hugo said it shouldn't take long, though."
"Okay," I pouted.
She pushed open the door to the lobby, and I quickly tugged my hand free from hers as I saw Lilly, one of the more popular girls from my class, sitting there, waiting her turn with her mommy. "I'm not a baby," I informed Jen quietly. "You don't have to hold my hand." Jen had a hurt look on her face, but she noticed Lilly sitting there, too, and nodded.
"Hi, Lilly!" I called from across the room, waving. I didn't know Lilly very well - she was better friends with Nadine than me - but she wasn't stuck up like most of the other popular girls, so I liked her, at least on principle. Still, when she waved back and I saw that she had her nails painted, I quickly put my own hands into my pockets, before following Jen out the door, into the sticky, hot air outside, quite different from the air conditioned dentist's office.
"Jen, Jen, can we get nail polish?" I asked as we walked to Jen's car, grabbing one of her arms and jumping up and down a little, just to get her attention.
"Did you stop biting your nails?" she asked back.
I put my hands back into my pockets. "Well... No..." I looked down at my feet for a few seconds before perking up. "But mommy doesn't have to know!"
Jen pulled her keys out of her purse and unlocked her car. "I don't think so, Penni."
I pouted as I walked around the car, and for a few seconds after I got in, so that Jen would see. "Well... Can we at least get my ears pierced? All the other girls in my class have pierced ears..." That wasn't precisely true; close enough, though. "Mommy doesn't have to know about that, either. I just won't wear earrings when she's around!"
Jen smiled. "I think she might still notice the holes in your ears, babe."
"You're no fun." I crossed my arms and sank down into the seat, and stayed there until the car stopped. I scrambled up in my seat, wondering where Jen had chosen to get my treat from - not that it mattered much, since there wasn't any place in town that made a bad milkshake - only to find we were at Wal-Mart instead. "Hey! They don't have milkshakes here!" I complained, not thinking anything of it.
"How do you know about that?" Jen asked suspiciously; I giggled nervously. "Were you eavesdropping again, Penni?"
"Maybe." I fidgeted with my seat belt. "Just a little. You were talking about me anyway! Why can't I listen?"
"That's not the way it works, Penni," Jen shook her head. "What are we going to do with you?"
"Pierce my ears?" I suggest hopefully. "That'd teach me a lesson."
Jen smiled, reached over to try to ruffle up my hair, though the braid she had put most of it into before we came to town made it difficult for her. My hair was getting a little long for my taste, and I was hoping I could get it cut sometime soon, maybe to just a little longer than shoulder length, like Jen's hair, rather than almost halfway down my back, at least when it was all loose. Both of us had red hair, though hers looked closer to brown sometimes, and mine was always pretty brightly red.
"We can look at earrings here, if you want to," she offered, "once we get some stuff for Mom."
I shrugged, sighed. Looking wasn't nearly the same if you knew you had to wait another four and a half years before you could wear them. Mommy could be so unreasonable sometimes.
The sun pounded down on me again as I stepped out of the car immediately feeling more sluggish as I saw how far it was to the entrance. The moon may be trying to kill me, but the sun just might do the job for him, while trying to see if I'm still up to the challenge of defending his children. On days like this, I wish he would just accept that I'm not, and leave me alone.
"Can I ride in the cart?" I asked as I saw the corralled shopping carts a few parking spaces down. "Please?"
Jen raised an eyebrow. "Ride in the cart? And here I thought you weren't a baby."
"Jeeeen!" I whined, grabbing her arm. "It's hoooot out here!"
"I don't think we really need a cart, sweetie. Guess you'll just have to suffer like everyone else." Jen smiled.
The walk was as long and harrowing as I imagined, with just as many close calls as I thought there would be, too. There were cars zooming back and forth recklessly, like they were in some kind of pinball machine. Even though I tried to pay attention before I moved anywhere, they always seemed to come from a direction I either hadn't checked, or had checked first and then forgotten. After we passed through the second or third row of cars, I grabbed Jen's hand - it was just easier that way - which made her smile a lot bigger for some reason.
The inside of Wal-Mart was blessedly cool; why couldn't they air condition their parking lot, too? Jen grabbed a basket, and soon we were searching for stuff. Mommy didn't need all that much, but what she did need was all in different parts of the store. I was happy to see Jen pick up some sunscreen, though, since I had noticed we were getting low. I used to hate having to wait for Jen or mommy to put that stuff on me before I could go out in the summer, until I had gone out without it, and gotten sunburned. That was a lot less fun, so now I didn't mind as much.
We did end up having time to look at earrings, too, and Jen bought a pair of little blue cats that she said brought out her eyes. She wouldn't buy me the green penguins that she claimed did the same for me, because she said they were ugly. I'm still not sure if that meant she thought my eyes are ugly, too.
By the time we were finished, my toes were starting to get cold through my sandals, so I was ready to leave. Not sure why my toes got cold first, since most of my legs and arms were uncovered, too, with the shorts and T-shirt I had on, but that's how it almost always was. Crazy toes.
We went through a drive through to get my milkshake (strawberry, of course), so we could get back to Dr. Hugo before his next appointment. Jen got a milkshake, too.
"That's cheating," I made sure to inform her. "You didn't have a dentist appointment!"
"Yes, but I'm paying for them," she said. It was a good enough answer for me.
I was still slurping happily away as we walked back into Dr. Hugo's office. Lilly wasn't in the lobby anymore; I guess she was with one of the other dentists there, since Dr. Hugo was waiting for us, as the receptionist informed us, after giving me a suspicious look. I made sure to return it as we passed by her window, glaring at her over the top of my cup. A spy, most likely. No big surprise, since her boss worked for the moon, too.
Dr. Hugo's office is pretty nice. I've only been in it a couple of times. Actually, only once, other than this, that I can think of, the first time I'd visited him, and he explained what he was going to be doing to me. He has nice chairs. Big and soft and comfy. I climbed up into the best one before Jen could steal it, and waited to hear what was going on.
"How are you doing, Penni?" Dr. Hugo asked, smiling way too pleasantly for this not to be bad.
"Better," I answered carefully.
"Penni, do you know what an orthodontist is?"
I didn't pay a lot of attention after that. I was too busy remembering Jen's visits to the orthodontist. Or, more specifically, what she'd been like after those appointments, and how much she'd complained, and whined about how annoying her braces were. They couldn't really make me get braces, too, could they?
"Weren't you paying attention?" Jen shook her head as we drove back home. "If this goes well, you might not have to wear braces when you're older."
"I'd rather have braces than get my mouth all stretched out," I sighed, leaning against the car door. And here I thought Dr. Hugo was just going to kill me...
"Look on the bright side, hon - they might decide you don't need it after all. And even if you do, it won't be for another six months."
That was one of the few times I ever wished I wasn't about to turn 8. What a dumb age.
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Elizabeth
Site Admin
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 172
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| Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:03 am Post subject: |
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Chapter Two
"I should have known it was you all along!" I shouted, shaking my head sadly. "How could you betray me like this?"
But, of course, I knew the answer, as usual. It was the moon again, that cursed moon, always doing its best to get rid of me. You'd think it would be an easy task, what with him already having weakened me, to prevent me from becoming as powerful as I should be, but somehow, I always manage to get away, to escape to fight his evil forces another day. And yet, this time... This time, it was my best friend he was striking me with. How dastardly was this villain? How evil was his black little heart? Using my friendship with Nadine, such as it was, to lure me into a false sense of security - the beast!
Nadine rolled her eyes. "Can we just do this if we're going to?"
And with that, Nadine lifted her sword, sunlight gleaming off of the dark steel of its blade, almost as brightly as the malice shining in her dark eyes. She held the sword out, straight towards me, flipping her shoulder length blond hair behind her shoulder and grinning at me. I could feel a danger lurking behind that smile, a danger that made my skin crawl.
"But, Nadine, we don't have to do this!" I pleaded, laying my sword down on the floor, although I made sure to keep my hand near its hilt. "Don't you rememb...?"
"Penni," she said, her voice more annoyed than dangerous now. "Do you want me to play with you or not?"
"Fine," I pouted, standing back up. It was just as well, I guess, as that was all the further I had planned my monologue, and I couldn't think of anything specific to tell her to recall that would keep her from attacking.
I raised my sword, quickly using both hands to hold it up, to keep it from shaking quite as much. Before I could do anything with it, however, I was forced to jump backwards as I realized Nadine was already right in front of me, her sword slicing through the air right in front of me. My foot slips a bit as I land, and I let go of my sword with one hand to steady myself, blushing, mostly in the fear that Nadine would notice that the shoelace on my left sneaker had come untied -again-.
I ducked to one side, Nadine's sword once more slashing right past me, twisting one leg off to the side, too quickly to notice my foot was standing firmly on my trailing shoelace still. I gave a squeak, letting go of my sword with my other hand, accidentally tossing it a couple feet away, since both my arms were already waving wildly, for all the good that did me. Which, in case you were wondering, wasn't much - a second later, I had fallen straight onto my butt.
"Oof," I said, kinda. Really, it was more like it forced its way out of my mouth without my meaning for it to. This could be going better, I told myself, in case I didn't realize it for myself.
The impact and shock of the fall kept me from doing anything useful for a few moments, during which Nadine beside me, laughing - though not, as I'd hoped, hard enough to allow me a chance to recompose myself more fully - and pressing her sword against my chest. "Good job, dummy."
"Shut up!" I tried to shout, but, much to my dismay, it came out more like "Thut up," the surprise and pain making me slip back into my lisp. My cheeks flushed red as Nadine smirked; I could tell she was cooking up something nasty to say.
Before she could, I threw myself sideways, towards my sword, letting my body roll a couple times before I reached out to grab the weapon, raising one foot a touch to stop myself, then jump back up, standing again. I raised my sword just in time to block Nadine's, metal scraping against metal as she glared at me over their crossed blades, eyes showing no sign of fear, no sign that she thought she could possibly lose to me.
She pressed forward, pouring her strength into trying to move her blade - and mine with it, as it was closer to me - closer to my body. She wasn't doing a bad job at it, either, being undeniably the stronger of the two of us, but I was doing my square best to stop her, frankly somewhat surprised her initial burst of power hadn't been enough to knock the blades into me, and land me on the floor once more.
I couldn't hold much longer... The swords were drawing closer to me every moment, my arms growing tired from resisting. She was going to win, unless... Unless...
I pulled my sword away from hers, following it, leaping out of her way as she suddenly fell forward, taking a couple steps to steady herself. It took me some time to recover as well, a hair shorter than her, and I spun around, swinging perhaps a bit wildly, moving the sword across the air in front of my body, where Nadine, unfortunately, wasn't. My other arm was there, though, and I probably would have hit it, if Nadine hadn't used that opening to attack it, her sword slamming into it seemingly as hard as she could make it.
"Ouch!" I exclaimed, tears springing to my eyes as I drop my sword in mid-swing, my hand instead moving up to where I felt certain my arm was broken, or at least bleeding. The sword hit the floor with a dull clunking sound.
"Oh, don't be such a baby," Nadine ordered me, tossing her own sword, the blade now resembling silver painted wood more than steel, onto the floor as well. "I didn't hit you -that- hard."
"It was hard enough," I protested, working hard to keep my 'r' steady.
"It's not my fault. Wasn't my idea." I wasn't sure if she was talking about sword fighting, or playing with me at all. I knew neither one had been her choice - Caileigh had made her come up to the barn to see me, and I had somehow convinced her to do more than sulkily wait long enough for her sister to let her back inside.
"Still hurt," I pouted, lifting my hand from the sore spot. Was that a bruise starting already? I really hoped not... Mommy would know how it got there, like she always knew, and then she'd lecture me about having hidden those swords however many times for a good reason. She didn't understand. She never does. And she had been the one that convinced my teacher, Mr. Chaon, to let me keep them after the school play, too.
Then again, if she had actually known it was the swords, I guess she probably wouldn't have given the okay to my taking home a couple props. Which is, of course, exactly why I didn't mention it to her. I think she expected me to bring home something I had used in the play, but where was the fun in that? None of my props were very cool... It was the swords I really wanted, and had wanted ever since I'd seen the two boys who got to use them carrying them.
I'd kept them in my closet for a while, until mommy started taking them away when she caught me playing with them. I'd get hurt, she'd say, and hide them away someplace, which I would quickly find to reclaim my prizes. It took me a few months to figure out that the barn was the best hiding place, but now that I had, I didn't want one little bruise, no matter how painful, ruin it for me. Maybe she wouldn't be home by the time I got back to my own house, and Jen wouldn't tell her I had been at the barn almost ever since we'd gotten home from Dr. Hugo's.
Even though it isn't all that close to my house, I tend to think of the barn as being just as much my property as Nadine's, and even more mine than Caileigh's. I know Jen's told me time and time again that she and Caileigh had spent a lot of time up in the loft, but since I've only seen either of them up there a handful of times, I'm a bit doubtful.
Caileigh and Nadine's parents are nice - I probably wouldn't have an open invitation to play in a building on their property any time I feel like it if they weren't - but they could get on my nerves at times. Especially when they actually -did- something with their barn, like allowing our nearest neighbor, Mr. Stephens, a farmer, use half of the loft to put his hay up in while he rebuilt his own barn, which had burned down a few months before.
It wasn't too bad, I guess... They had at least stacked the bales up so that they could be easily climbed up, and there were a few spots where you could hide in there, and would have been good for Hide and Go Seek, I bet, if I'd had anyone willing to play that with me. It was kinda prickly, though, and if you weren't wearing jeans, trying to sit up there for any length of time would get your legs all scratched up. Well, climbing up there would generally do the same thing, but it wasn't quite as bad, so that mommy sometimes wouldn't notice, and it was fun enough to risk a warning to be careful, or one of the bales could fall on me and crush me, or I could fall off the top and hurt myself, or any of a whole variety of other lectures, even on days too hot for jeans.
The shorts I was wearing used to be jeans. My favorite jeans, in fact, even, or maybe especially, after the legs had acquired a few rips, and they had gotten all beaten up. Eventually, against my will, mommy had turned them into shorts, probably to prevent me from trying to wear them to school. They were still all right in shorts form, but not nearly the same. They had a stain on them now, the crash site of a spot of jelly from the sandwich Jen made me for lunch once we got back from my appointment with Dr. Hugo, and a few splatters of paint left over from helping paint my room last summer. I had painted almost all of the cloud border on the top of the wall my closet is on, but mommy let Jen do the other walls after I almost knocked the bucket of paint off of the top of the ladder, and then nearly fell off myself trying to stop that from happening. After that, I just painted the bottom part of the wall - where the bits of sky blue on the shorts had come from.
I rubbed at the spot of jelly, halfway hoping it wouldn't come off, since it looked all right where it was, before my hand drifted further up, back to the spot on my arm where Nadine had hit me. Nadine rolled her eyes at me as she noticed.
"You're the one who wanted to play that stupid game anyway," she reminded me again, before sighing and saying, "This is boring." Before I could say anything, she was climbing down the ladder, and the barn door was creaking open. I rubbed my arms for a few seconds longer, then hurried to follow her, turning back around after a couple steps to gather up the swords and clumsily climb into the hay, shoving them behind one of the bales. If mommy thought to look up here at all, surely she wouldn't look back there.
Satisfied, I went over to the window, where I could see Nadine walking down the path to her house. "Wait up!" I called anxiously, scrambling down the ladder as quickly as I dared, running through the door. To my great surprise, Nadine had actually waited for me, though as soon as I came out of the barn, she started walking again, forcing me to shove the door closed and race after her in order to catch up.
"You gonna be okay?" she asked once I was beside her.
I nodded. "Wasn't that bad," I lied. She nodded, too, and we took a few more steps. "Jen made me hold her hand at the dentist today," I complained. "I think Lilly saw me, and now she pro'lly thinks I'm a baby."
Nadine laughed, and I had a distinct feeling that it was directed more at me than the story. "Caileigh doesn't make me hold her hand," she told me. I resisted the urge to tell her that was because Caileigh didn't love her. "Guess it's 'cause she knows I'm not a little kid anymore." She shrugged, then proceeded meanly, "Jen probably just forgot you weren't a baby any more. It -can- be hard to tell with you sometimes."
"Is not!" I shot back, fists clenching at my sides.
"Oh, don't worry," she said quickly, most likely because she realized Caileigh could see us from her seat on their back porch. "I'm sure once you turn eight, Jen will see you aren't a baby."
I nodded uncertainly. Eight was definitely an important age, but today was making me wonder if I should be looking forward to it or dreading it. It would be nice for Jen to realize I wasn't some little kid anymore; at the same time, I really didn't want braces, or whatever it was the orthodontist was going to do to me, and if I never turned eight, I'd never have to see him. No matter how hard Jen tried to convince me orthodontists aren't all bad, all I could think of was how much she'd hated hers.
"Bye," Nadine said quietly, running to the porch next to her big sister.
"Bye!" I called to both of them, waving as I started to walk towards my own house, where I saw mommy's car waiting in the driveway. So much for beating her home... I glanced down at my arm, where it was now obvious that a bruise was forming. I also fleetingly noticed that my hands were a little dirty, sure to gain me a "Those hands are filthy!" and a "Go wash up before dinner, or I'll let Jen do it for you," and possibly a "What -have- you been doing, young lady?"
"Goodbye, cutie!" Caileigh called.
I giggled and waved a little more before, long enough to see Nadine roll her eyes at me again and begin to head into her house before I turned and did the same.
Chapter Three
The carpet rubbed up against the bottom of my stomach, and made me giggle a little whenever I moved, although less so as I got more engrossed with finishing up coloring the picture, my legs crossing in the air behind me.
"Do you ever feel like you have problems making friends your age?"
I looked up from my picture, a bit annoyed at the interruption, even if I should have expected it, after having silence for so long. Dr. Veitch probably wasn't used to me being so quiet... Her office was just so nice and cool, after walking under the beaming sun for so long, and riding in Jen's stupid car before that. I wouldn't have minded curling up on the carpet and falling asleep; don't think it would have gone over well, sadly.
"I dunno," I shrugged after a minute or two of consideration, only half of which involved me thinking about the question, with the rest dedicated to trying to decide on a color for the second to last petal on the flower in the coloring book.
Even though she tried to hide it, I still heard a little sigh coming from Dr. Veitch. Guess I hadn't pretended for long enough. She always told me I should take as much time as I needed to answer her questions, but how long I needed was never as long as she wanted.
"Maybe," I added, pulling a light purple crayon from the box. "I guess."
Satisfied with that answer, I turned back to the picture. It was turning out quite nicely, I thought. Better than some of the other ones I'd colored here. Dr. Veitch must have a whole drawer full of pictures by now - I'd even colored some of the same ones twice. There were some puzzles and games and stuff scattered around the office, too, but I always chose to color, unless she asked me to try something new. Sometimes even then. It was just easier to concentrate on coloring than the other things when she wanted me to talk.
"Do you feel like the other kids in your class are mean to you?" she asked after a few moments, as I finished up the main part of the petal, and tugged the other crayons closer to find a slightly darker purple to go around the edges. If I had been at home, I probably would have dumped the box out on the floor, to make the search easier. Dr. Veitch seemed like she was getting fed up with me already, however, so I resisted the temptation. "Do they make fun of you?"
"Sometimes," I nodded. Nadine, for all her faults, probably had kept me safe from a lot of teasing I would have otherwise been subject to, just because the other kids knew she was kinda friends with me.
"What kind of things do they say?" Dr. Veitch got up from her chair, walked over to the couch she invited me to sit on every time I saw her, and which I denied every time after the first, when I thought mommy was watching me from the office door, and would be mad at me if I didn't sit there like a good girl. She bent over, and I pushed the coloring book a little closer to her, so she could see what I'd done so far. "Very pretty," she smiled.
"It's all right," I blushed, shrugging, pretending to have forgotten the question.
"Penni, what kind of things do the other kids say to you?" she insisted.
My hand slipped, a dark purple line slipping over, through the sky, into the blue petal. "Stupid," I growled, throwing the crayon onto the floor.
"No, Penni, it's okay. Happens all the time." Dr. Veitch set her clipboard beside her on the couch, scooting closer to me.
"No, it's ruined," I told her, ripping the picture out of the book, crumpling it up in my fist. "I can't do anything right."
"Why do you think that, Penni?"
"Because I can't," I said simply, my fist tightening around the ball of paper.
"Penni... Penni?" I ignored her, getting up off of my stomach and leaning against the front of the couch. "Penni, do you want me to get your sister?"
I shook my head, rubbing at my eyes. "I'm fine."
"How about we talk about the other kids some other day, all right?" Dr. Veitch rested her hand on my shoulder gingerly, and I nodded. Really, I wouldn't have minded the subject as much if just that morning Nadine hadn't reminded me of what I'd told the doctor, that I couldn't do anything right. Except then it had involved a contest to see who could jump furthest off of the swings. She won, of course. She always won.
I set my ruined drawing down next to the coloring book, which I closed, no longer in the mood. I looked up at the clock, wishing, as I always did, Dr. Veitch would get a digital one, like the one on the microwave at home. I knew how to read the regular kind, with the hands and all, but I wasn't very good at it, and tended to get all mixed up. So I usually didn't try, since, at home, I could just go into the kitchen and find out what time it was, and it was much easier that way.
"Anxious to leave?"
I hurried to answer, not wanting to hurt her feelings, although she was quick to assure me she wasn't offended. Dr. Veitch is a nice woman, not at all like Dr. Hugo, and, even though I probably annoyed her at times, I didn't want her to think I didn't like her. She was the person who convinced me that maybe you didn't have to be in league with the moon in order to be a doctor. Then again, she wasn't exactly like any other doctor I'd ever been to, and sometimes I suspected she was pretending.
"Do you still miss the Girl Scouts?"
The question had been unexpected, and, until I'd thought about it, disconnected from our conversation up to that point. If there's one thing that will get the truth out of me, it's the unexpected. I nodded automatically.
I had been mad at mommy for months when she'd made me quit Girl Scouts. It was just for a year, she said, as if a year wasn't forever. And I hadn't even done anything all that bad. Certainly nothing to deserve banishment from what had been becoming one of my favorite things ever.
Selling cookies hadn't exactly been my favorite part, mostly because it was a little awkward asking a bunch of people I didn't know to buy stuff from me. Even so, I actually did pretty well, despite not expecting to sell to anyone but mommy and Caileigh, both of whom were addicted to Somoas. Jen told me it was cheating for me to go door to door in my uniform, said I was too cute for anyone to resist buying. She drove me around anyway.
It was most likely then that I got in the most trouble. Mommy told me before she went to work to wear a coat; it was still pretty cold outside. Jen hadn't been awake to hear the command, and... Well, if I had worn it, people might not see my uniform, and then they wouldn't know for sure if I truly was a Girl Scout. They could have thought I was an axe murderer or something, and not answered their door. Then how would I sell them cookies?
Besides, it wasn't really -that- cold out.
Jen was kind of suspicious when I told her mommy wasn't making me wear my coat. She even said she thought I should wear it anyway, but, in the end, I won, by making her give up, washing her hands of all responsibility should I get sick.
Mommy hadn't been pleased to find my coat still hanging in the closet when she got home from work, but she didn't make me quit then. She just lectured me some, and let me stay home from school that Monday to try to help me get over my cold.
I wasn't quite well by the next weekend, and my troop had a table set up, right between the two sets of doors in Wal-Mart. Mommy drove me there, so I didn't have much of a choice.
Until she left, of course. None of the other Girl Scouts were wearing a coat, and technically we were inside, even if the doors to outside were letting in bursts of cold air every few seconds, and one of the walls ended before it hit the ground, so carts could go through. Also, if Nadine was any indication, the other Scouts would have made fun of me for being the only one with a mommy who made them wear a coat.
I guess it might not have been a horrible idea to chance a little teasing after I noticed I was starting to shiver. Or after the troop leader noticed and asked why I didn't have my coat on. I didn't need it, I told her, blushing at Nadine giggling behind me. I wasn't cold. It was much warmer than I thought it would be. Yep.
I definitely should have followed my plan and put my coat back on once Alaine's mommy picked her up, since she was leaving five minutes before I was supposed to. We had just started to get busy then, though, and I kinda lost track of time.
Mommy wasn't pleased. And, like being sick for a week and a half afterwards wasn't bad enough, she made me drop out of Girl Scouts, and she wasn't going to let me join again until the next year, if I could show her I was "more mature" then. And yelling at her wasn't being mature, and wouldn't make her change her mind in any way I'd enjoy. It got me spanked, in fact, before I figured out how much she meant that.
"Do you think you could get mommy to let me join again?" I looked up hopefully.
"We'll... see, Penni." Dr. Veitch hesitated - she meant 'No', didn't want to come out and say it. "I was a Scout when I was your age. Had a great time. I used to love going camping."
"We never went camping," I sighed wistfully, envisioning all the fun camping trips the troop would be having while I was gone. I've never been camping, so I don't exactly know what it's like, but in my fantasies, it's a blast. No parents, no bedtimes, no rules... No beds, either, but who needs sleep, when you can stay up and play with the stars?
Dr. Veitch smiled. "Well, you might be a little young for that at the moment. I think I was nine before I was allowed to go."
"Oh." I sighed again. Nine. So far away, when there was something to wait for there, it might as well be ninety. Or even nineteen, which was when daddy told me I could have a boyfriend, if I was good. Maybe by then I'll be senile enough to want one.
"So, what was your favorite part about the Girl Scouts?" I shrugged. "Did you have a lot of friends there?" Shrug; most of the girls there were nice enough to me, yet I always got the feeling it was so they wouldn't get in trouble with the troop leader. I don't know if any of them actually liked me much. "Don't feel like talking, huh?"
Shrug, followed by a shake of the head. Then a nod, confused by whether the correct answer was yes or no. I hate questions phrased like that.
"Well, our time is just about up for today, anyway." Dr. Veitch got to her feet, picking up her clipboard in one hand, offering the other to me. I took it, though my other hand went to the seat of the couch, and I pushed myself to my feet that way instead. Her hand stayed on mine for a second too long. "Where'd you get that bruise, Penni?"
I looked down at my arm, having forgotten about the bruise there. "Oh, that? I got that from sword fighting," I told her. She took it much better than mommy, although she looked a bit skeptical. Mommy had threatened to take away my swords again, except she couldn't find them, and I wasn't about to tell her, no matter what. Eventually, she settled on making me promise not to play with them anymore. The pit of my stomach began to knot up again as I thought about it, knowing I probably wouldn't be able to keep the promise for long, not with the swords hiding up in the hay, tempting me.
"What about those scrapes?" Dr. Veitch asked, pointing down at my knees, below the bottom of my skort. She didn't sound as interested in them, almost like she was asking to make her other question not seem as odd.
"I fell off my swings," I glanced down at my feet, embarrassed, as if by telling her that much, she would know exactly how awful I'd done in my contest with Nadine.
If she did, she waited to laugh at me until she assured me "it happens to the best of us", and escorted me out to the waiting room, where Jen was waiting for me, flipping boredly through some magazine, which she quickly set back down onto the table beside her.
Jen smiled at me as she took my hand and walked me out to her car; neither of us had anything in particular to say, until I started to pay attention to the scenery passing by outside the car.
"This isn't the way home," I informed Jen.
"No, sweetie, we're going to the mall. Remember?" Jen glanced over at me, expression partly amused, partly worried. "Are you feeling all right, babe? We can go home if you want to..."
I could tell she didn't want to honor her offer even as she made it. Luckily, I didn't want her to, either. "Are we going there to get my ears pierced?" I asked, just in case.
Jen rolled her eyes, didn't bother to answer.
"Fine," I pouted, sulking down into the seat, though a plan was already starting to form in my mind. |
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Elizabeth
Site Admin
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 172
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| Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:04 am Post subject: |
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Chapter Four
I can be rather sneaky when I need to. It isn't something I like to do; it's not exactly a quality someone would normally look for in a hero. Heroes shouldn't -need- to be sneaky. They should be able to face their problems, and enemies, and whatever, head on.
I couldn't do that. I'd tried it, and I simply couldn't. I didn't like it - it even made my tummy feel a little upset - but I knew the end result would be worth it.
Unfortunately, as good as I could be at sneaking about, having Jen around made things much, much more difficult. I could be sneaky with Mr. Chaon, because he paid more attention to other kids than me, since I usually sat quietly at my desk and acted well-behaved. I could be sneaky with the other kids, too, as most of them didn't pay much attention to me most of the time, unless they'd come up with a new and exciting way to tease me, and Nadine wasn't around.
Jen keeps too close an eye on me, and knows me too well, for me to be sneaky around her. Even now, though especially back then. It was worse when Caileigh was around; as much as I liked her, and she was nice to me, she seemed to watch me even more carefully than Jen.
As a matter of fact, we had been at the mall for quite a while before I could even begin to consider putting my plan into action. We'd gone through a bunch of stores, from the bookstore, where I'd gotten Jen to buy me some stickers of the dragons in Harry Potter, to the shoe store, which would have been the perfect time to spring into action, if Jen hadn't insisted I sit beside her as she tried on about a kazillion pairs of shoes. I tried to convince her to let me walk around and find some I could try on, but she must have suspected my plot, and refused.
I also found the most awesome thing ever, while Jen looked at sunglasses - a pair of purple contact lenses. Jen wouldn't get those for me, or let me buy them for myself, not that I had enough money to anyway without borrowing a bit (well, most of it) from her.
"Look at them," I demanded, pointing them out, in case she thought I was talking about something else for some reason. "Aren't they cool?"
"You wouldn't like wearing contact lenses, sweetie," she said, all matter-of-factly. As if she would know what I'd like. And even if I didn't like it, that didn't mean wearing them wouldn't be worth it to have purple eyes, rather than my stupid green ones. "Come on, Penni, we have other stuff to do," she told me, grabbing my still pointing hand and dragging me out of the store before I could defeat her surely moon-induced bout of non-tolerance for all which was awesome with my superior logic. Times like that were what made me wonder if the moon hadn't invented big sisters in the first place.
Things like those, and what the "other stuff we had to do" turned out to be.
Now, I don't mind shopping with Jen. I even enjoy it a lot of the time. As long as we stay away from clothes. And I don't even mind (too much, anyway...) when she spends forever trying clothes on. I had been planning on her doing that, in fact, since it was about the only way I could think of to get her attention off me long enough to put any plans of mine into effect.
What I don't like is being the one spending forever trying clothes on, especially when Jen is the one deciding what I should be putting on next, and what "will look adorable" on me. It always made me wonder if Jen had forgotten that I wasn't a baby anymore, and therefore no longer there just for her to dress up like some kind of doll. Except that I didn't really have much of a choice in the matter...
Of course, I thought if I stood up to her, and told her what she didn't seem to realize, then I would have a choice. After all, isn't that what grown ups try to tell you all the time? If you stand up for yourself, then people will leave you alone? Or something like that, anyway. Whatever it is, I had never had the courage to try it myself, at least on anyone my own age. And it never really worked with anyone in my family, either.
As it turns out, it especially doesn't work with big sisters.
"I'm not putting that on," I told her, arms folded resolutely across my chest as I glared up at her, and the light blue blouse she was holding. "I'm tired of this... Can't we go somewhere else?"
"Aww, you're tired, sweetie?" Jen asked with a smile that informed me I had made something of a mistake. "Well, no problem, then." And before I could wonder if I had misread her expression, she herded me back into the dressing room, closing the door behind her.
"What are you doing?" I stepped away, narrowing my eyes at her as she put the shirt onto a hook on the wall.
"Lift up your arms, baby. I can't see how this fits you with that shirt on."
I pressed my crossed arms even tighter to my body, hardly able to believe her. "I don't need..." I started, only to be interrupted by a polite knock on the door.
"Yes?" Jen asked as she opened it, revealing the teenager who'd been sitting boredly at the desk in the front of the changing area a few minutes ago.
"Umm... I'm sorry, but there's only supposed to be one person per dressing room. See?" She nodded over at the sign hanging beside the big mirror behind me. "Sorry," she shrugged.
I couldn't help but stick my tongue out at Jen. Bet she'd get in all kinds of trouble now. Maybe even get thrown out of the store, and then I could sneak off through one of the other exits...
"Well, it's just my little sister," Jen answered calmly, as if all the things I was envisioning happening to her weren't about to occur. "She needs my help, you know."
"Hey!" I interjected angrily, eyebrows furrowing as I pouted, stomping my foot. "I do -not-!"
The employee actually had the nerve to giggle at me, before she turned and winked at Jen. "Oh, okay. No problem. Sorry to bother you."
"No problem," Jen smiled.
"Little sisters, huh?" The employee smiled, too, shaking her head as she shut the door and went back to her post.
"I do -not- need your help," I informed Jen, barely suppressing the urge to kick her.
Jen reached out and ruffled my hair. "Of course you don't," she said patronizingly. "Now lift your arms, sweetie. Come on, it'll be just like when you were a baby."
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Look, I'll try it on myself, okay? Just... Go away."
"Well, if you insist." It must have been hard for Jen to keep a straight face as she left the dressing room; I could hear her giggling outside as I started to get undressed, her laughter fading as, I assumed, she walked away. I paused for a moment, lowered my arms to put my shirt back on, pulling it all the way back down to just above my belly button.
I hadn't been planning on putting my plot into action yet, but she'd gotten me mad. If I wasn't back by the time she returned, most likely with another outfit, let her worry. I'd be long gone by then. Really, it was the best time to start, since I knew exactly where the ear piercing place was from this store. While I could -probably- have found my way there from anywhere in the mall, if I had to, I was a little nervous about actually trying to. The mall is a big place, after all.
The teenager was sitting at her desk again, apparently not paying any attention to the mostly empty dressing rooms. Getting past her wouldn't be too much of a problem, not that she was likely to care even if she noticed me leaving. On the other hand, Jen was nowhere to be seen. That should have made me more confident, but instead, it froze my feet to the floor as I glanced around the store, chewing on my bottom lip.
Where could she be?
If I couldn't see her, surely that meant she wasn't anywhere too close, so she shouldn't be able to catch me. But... What if she wasn't? What if I just wasn't seeing her? I could remember a lesson we'd had in school the year before, about how everyone has a blind spot. That had freaked me out for a few days - if a dot on a piece of paper could vanish like that, what else was out there could?
Even though Jen claimed my blind spot wasn't big enough to hide anything large enough to be dangerous, I'd always wondered if that wasn't how the moon could influence so many people without their seeming to notice it. He could just sneak up to them by keeping in their blind spot, and do whatever he wanted to them.
And what if Jen could do the same thing, and hadn't wanted me to suspect, so she could use it against me sometime? Like now. What if she'd suspected my plot, and was trying to set me up so she'd be sure to catch me?
How unfair was that?
I stood there a few minutes, half of my mind shouting at me to go for it, the rest as scared as my feet were. The longer I stood there, though, the more chance Jen had of catching me. And how long had I been there already? Was it already too late?
"You okay, honey?" the girl behind the desk asked, starting to get to her feet. "You want me to find your sister for you?"
"No, I'm fine," I squeaked, darted back into my changing room. I looked over at the blouse, still hanging there, waiting for me, rolled my eyes as I began to take my shirt off again. "I am such a baby," I mumbled to myself, knowing full well how readily Jen, and Nadine for that matter, would agree.
The shirt was actually pretty cool, surprisingly enough - then again, even Jen had to have good taste every now and again. It had little pink hearts and white stars running along the bottom hem, and another star, this one sparkly, right at the center of the neck. Jen liked it, too, enough that, after making me try on one last skirt (a rather frilly and poofy pink one), she took it up to the front counter to buy it for me, and, finally, led me back out of the store.
I was beginning to wonder if I had chickened out of my last chance to start my plan, until Jen veered from her course to one of the mall's exits to make a short pit stop at the bathroom.
"I don't have to go," I insisted, lying. "And I'm not a baby. I can stay out here by myself for two minutes."
Jen looked at me suspiciously for a moment or two, until I was sure she would make me go into the bathroom with her anyway, but instead, she shrugged, shoved all her bags into my arms. "You go sit on the bench over there, okay? And you stay there, you hear me? Don't move one muscle."
I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Jen," I sighed, started to trudge over to the designated bench.
"And don't let anyone kidnap you," Jen added. She waited until I sat down to push open the bathroom door, giving me one last glance before she stepped inside.
I waited for a second, hardly recognizing that I was holding my breath until I let it out, sliding down from the bench. If I remembered the layout of the mall correctly, there would be plenty of time to get my ears pierced and be back before Jen got out of the bathroom. Surely once she saw how good I looked with my brand new earrings, she would see what a horrible mistake she'd been making, going along with mommy's stupid rule all this time.
Maybe she'd even take me to get my ears pierced again, so I could wear four earrings at once! Caileigh had like twenty holes in her ears, or a bunch anyway. Surely if it made her best friend look cool, Jen would realize it would make me look cool, too. Although I wasn't sure I wanted as many as she had, just yet. And then she could take me back to the bathroom.
I wasn't expecting to be gone for long, planning on being there and back before Jen left the bathroom - how long could it possibly take to pierce someone's ears? - but I gathered up all the bags into my arms anyway, to make sure nobody tried to steal my stuff. Or Jen's, I guess. She might not like that much.
We really had too many things, and I was nearly halfway to the piercing stand before I finally got done juggling it around, and finally had a somewhat comfortable way of holding everything. At least my arms didn't feel quite as much like they were falling off. Unfortunately, as I had been fighting with my baggage, I hadn't been paying a lot of attention to where I was going, other than to apologize for almost walking into a woman and her little girl, toddling crinkily next to her and staring after me as I walked off in the other direction.
I didn't even apologize to the man I actually did run into as I found my eyes being drawn back to the baby again, to see her eyes still on me, the bottom of what must have been her diaper peeking out from the hem of her dress. That was how Jen saw me, I told myself, shaking my head. And that was certainly -not- what I was. I would show her, and mommy, and everyone else.
All I had to do was find that stupid little store... booth... thing. I'd been in the mall enough times that the place I found myself in wasn't unfamiliar to me; I hadn't been there enough to know where anything was from there. I was right in front of a stage, where Santa Claus had sat way back near Christmas, and where I'd gotten my picture taken with him, and almost fallen off of his lap when I tried to impress him by saying I didn't need to be lifted down, and almost got down by myself.
The food court was right there, and a bunch of people about Jen's age were sitting at the tables and laughing loudly. I just barely kept myself from going over to the candy store by telling myself I wasn't sure how much it would cost to get my ears pierced, and I didn't want to not have enough. From there, the mall stretched out in three other directions besides where all the food places sat from there.
I turned around in a circle, unable to stop myself from feeling anxious, and perhaps a little scared. I had to hurry up... It wasn't supposed to take this long! Everywhere looked familiar, but I had no idea where they lay in the grand scheme of things. The map of the mall in my head was mostly just a clump of stores I liked in one section, and everything else lumped off somewhere else, and bore absolutely no resemblance to the way it really was, since I was used to just telling Jen or mommy I wanted to go somewhere, and being taken there. Or not, depending on how much they loved me that day.
"Are you lost, honey?"
I can never understand why everyone, or at least all grown up women, think my name is honey. This one was probably somewhere around mommy's age, I guess, and sitting at a table by the stage, surrounded by a bunch of brochures, and maps.
"No," I said, casually walking up to her table.
"Are you sure?" she asked uncertainly after a moment or two of me standing in front of her. I nodded. "Okay," she shrugged, and then finally turned her head slightly, giving me a chance to grab a map and dart back around to the other side of the stage, so she couldn't see that I really was a tiny bit lost.
The map turned out to be less help than expected, since it didn't bother to put the names of the stores where they belonged... They were all lumped at the bottom, and their spot on the map had numbers instead. There were altogether too many numbers, and by the time I started looking through the list for the number of the spot I thought belonged to my destination, I'd forgotten whether the second number was a 3 or a 8, and then I couldn't find the stupid spot again.
Sheepishly, I ducked around the stage, approached the table again. "Umm... Maybe I could use a little help..."
The lady smiled. "What can I do for you, honey?"
"I'm looking for the... umm... ear... piercy... place..." I blushed as my mind blanked, leaving me sounding rather more stupid than I had when I'd rehearsed the question in my head.
"It's right over that way," she pointed down the hall behind her. "Just keep going straight and you'll run right into it."
"Thanks," I muttered, still blushing, and rushed away. I probably didn't have much time now. I'd have to hurry...
Luckily, I didn't have to go far before I saw the familiar sight of The Piercing Pagoda. No wonder I couldn't remember what it was called. What kind of a name is pagoda? Also luckily, there was no line, and nobody around other than the woman working there.
She didn't notice me as I walked up to her little store, or as I pretended to look around, hoping she'd ask if I needed any help. Or when I tried to clear my throat, though I'm not sure I was loud enough for her to hear.
"Hello?" I spoke up finally, knowing I couldn't wait all day.
"Good afternoon," she droned, the smile on her lips very similar to the one mommy gave me when she was upset about something, but didn't want me to know. "Whatcha need?"
"I need my ears pierced," I stated with an authoritative nod.
"Where's your mommy, kid?"
I blinked a couple times, hardly expecting that response. "At work..."
She sighed. "Look, kid, I can't pierce your ears unless your mommy or daddy is here. Unless you're older than eighteen." She smirked. "Which I'm pretty sure you're not."
My tummy sank, tears stinging the corners of my eyes. "What?"
"Sorry, kid, those are the rules." She didn't sound particularly sorry, and with that, she turned around and started to straighten up one of the earring stands.
I stared at her, and all the earrings around her, earrings I couldn't wear for what was sure to be an eternity, for a long time, before I realized I should probably be going back to the bathroom, before Jen got out, even if my plan had self-destructed.
I pulled the map back out of the bag I'd shoved it into, glad for a brief moment to see that at least the restrooms were clearly marked, until I saw there was more than one set throughout the mall. Which had we been at?
I began walking back towards the stage, sure that once I'd reached there, inspiration would strike.
I never got there.
I was still trying to decipher the map, glad this hall was empty, so there wasn't anyone to bump into, almost missing the sight of someone very familiar storming towards me, the expression on her face less than pleased.
"Jen?" I asked nervously, stuffing the map into one of the bags without even attempting to fold it. I hadn't noticed my tummy returning after sinking into the floor in front of the pagoda, but it must have, because it was starting to do acrobatics inside me. I'd never seen Jen like that before - she seemed a little worried, but mostly just angry.
"What the -hell- is wrong with you?!" she demanded as she drew closer. Before I could even fully grasp how mad I'd made her for her to be using bad words in front of me, her hand was wrapped around my wrist, surely almost cutting off the circulation to my hand, and she was dragging me away.
But not towards any of the exits. She was heading for a bench by the side of the hallway.
"Jen, what are you doing?" I squeaked, struggling to break free to no affect. I began to sniffle nervously as she sat down, and I suddenly felt myself being lifted up. I let go of the bags, barely heard them fall to the ground as I was placed over her lap. "Jen?" My stomach finally stopped flopping around, instead freezing into a block of ice that spread to the rest of my insides. She wouldn't...
From the corner of my eye, I could see her hand going up into the air behind me, but even then I didn't believe, wouldn't believe.
And then her hand landed right on the seat of my skort, making me jump a little and shout, "Jen!", hoping the begging tone in my voice was enough to make her stop. It wasn't. Her hand lifted again, and I wanted to try to say something, to come up with something to convince her I didn't deserve this, but then I was too busy with things like "Ow!" and "Stop!" as I felt her hand slap down across my bottom again.
"What is wrong with you?" she demanded, not giving me time, or reprieve, to answer. "You scared the hell out of me, Penni. What were you thinking?!"
I started to cry as she started swatting a fresh spot on my bottom. I almost started to leak from somewhere else, too, the pain almost making my already full bladder let go, but I fought to keep control. I wasn't saying anything by that point, just crying. I think I could feel my legs starting to kick behind me without my consent, though I couldn't quite tell.
And finally, she stopped. I don't know how long I laid across her lap, bawling like the little baby she thought I was. I thought I heard her talking to someone above me, and then saw what might have been a security officer walking off, but for all I knew, I was imagining them, as reality started to crash back around me, making me realize fully what had just been done.
Jen had just spanked me in the middle of the mall. The mall that probably every person in my school, or that I knew from anywhere, went to. What if someone had seen me?! What if they'd seen me not only being spanked, but crying like a fountain? The humiliation of it all was almost worse than the spanking itself.
Jen lifted me, put me down on my feet as she stood and began to collect the bags, her face still red with anger. But I didn't care about that.
I glared up at her, probably knowing how she'd felt a few minutes before - madder at my sister than I'd ever been before. "I hate you!" I tried to scream, although my voice was a little hoarse and choked now. "You're the worst big sister -ever-!"
Jen stopped in her tracks, and I saw her expression turn hurt for a second before it reverted to angry. "You'd better just hope I don't tell dad what you did," she growled.
My stomach started to twist up at the possibility of another spanking. "I hate you," I repeated, more quietly, right before I turned and tried to run away, not wanting to see her ever again.
Jen is a good deal bigger and faster than me, however, so I only got a few steps before her hand was clutching my wrist again, and using it to pull me down the hall, as oblivious to my struggles as it had been earlier.
My bottom and face were burning as we passed through the mall. I felt like every eye was on me as I fought against Jen's evil grasp. My bladder felt even closer to letting go now, and I was sure any minute I was going to wet my pants, yet I still couldn't bring myself to say anything until, at last, right at the entrance of the mall, Jen turned to me, finally seeming to notice my struggling.
"What?" she asked.
"I haff to go to the baffwoom," I mumbled, looking down at my feet, humiliation overpowering my hatred for her, nearly drowning out the end of my sentence as I noticed my lisp was back.
"Oh, for the love of..." she sighed. I could practically see her eyes rolling heavenward. "Can you hold it until we get home?"
I weighed my options - risk ticking Jen off more by forcing her to trek back across the mall, or risk having an accident in her car.
"No," I answered, barely audible, glancing up to see her face and immediately wincing, nearly expecting another spanking.
Jen shook her head. "Fine."
That was the last thing either of us said to each other that afternoon. We sat in silence in the car, me a lot more gingerly than her, shifting back and forth every couple minutes and staring at the floorboards bitterly, Jen staring straight out at the road, her knuckles white against the steering wheel.
Maybe it hadn't been all that good of a plan after all.
Chapter Five
We didn't say much to each other for a while after that, either. That may have had something to do with me not giving her too many chances to say anything, of course, but you never really know.
Mommy asked me why I was sitting all funny at dinner that night, gave me a weird look when I insisted I wasn't, and apparently believed me, since she didn't bring it up again. She probably asked Jen about it later, when I was sulking in my room, or already in bed, yet Jen was at least nice enough not to say anything. Or if she was, mommy didn't feel the need to come up with any more of a punishment for me.
As nice as that may have been of Jen, she was still the number one enemy for a couple days, making lunchtime particularly difficult, as I was determined to say as little as possible to her. The moon had used people to do some awful things to me, but Jen, who was supposed to be my big sister and look out for me and all that, had done this herself. I could feel that, somehow, beneath my slowly dissolving anger, helped along a bit by Jen breaking the rules and letting me have dessert first for a couple days afterwards, even though that had kept me from eating more than a couple bites of macaroni and cheese or peanut butter and jelly before running off back to the barn to sit in the loft by myself, contemplating why she could be bribing me like that.
I once heard somewhere that having a big appetite was a sign of good health; that just went to prove to myself that my health wasn't particularly great. I've never been one to eat very much, or want to, although I'd tried to convince myself to for about a week after hearing that, which caused me to have a sore tummy every day until I gave up. I very rarely even ate dessert with lunch, which Jen knew full well. The first time, I suspected her of trying to get me in more trouble, but after spending an anxious afternoon in the barn and then spending a while walking around in the field, raising my courage to go back home, I found Jen had apparently said nothing about it to mommy.
After that, I couldn't quite think of a good explanation for Jen's actions. The best I could come up with was she was trying to fatten me up, like the witch in Hansel and Gretel, but I was pretty sure she wasn't planning on eating me, and if she was, she was doing a rotten job of the actual fattening up, since, according to the scales in the bathroom, I was still the same weight after the third day of her "desserts-first" policy.
I had plenty of time to come up with new theories, and try to perfect my old ones, since Nadine was apparently too busy to come to the barn with me. Instead, I spent most of those days laying up in the hay and staring at the ceiling, until I was tired of the prickliness of the hay, and then I laid down on the floor and did the same thing. Occasionally I would take out one of my swords and take a few practice swings, but it just wasn't the same on my own, and, besides, it was too hot out to go hunting down the various monsters in the woods around the barn, even if I wanted to risk Jen somehow finding out I'd been in there. Luckily, none of the monsters felt like invading the barn on those days, either. Must have been too hot for them, too.
It was on the third day, just when I thought I was about to go insane from boredom and had almost broken down enough to consider going home to make Jen do something with me, that I saw a patch of yellow hair coming up the ladder, and underneath it, Nadine. I couldn't help but smile as I told her, "You can't come up here. This is my stronghold."
Nadine rolled her eyes, hopping from the last rung of the ladder onto the floor of the loft. I tried to cross my arms authoritatively, doing my best impersonation of mommy when she'd given me an order, like "Go wash your hands!" or "Go take a bath!" or "Eat your eggplant!" Nadine didn't seem to be impressed, much less intimidated, unless her response to being intimidated was shoving the other person and making them fall over.
"It's my barn, dummy," she said, now crossing her arms, and looking much more like mommy than I probably had. "So if it's anyone's stronghold, it's mine."
"Do you want to sword fight for it?" I asked, although I was glad she just looked at me like I was stupid before dusting off an old upside-down bucket to sit on rather than saying yes. It was too hot for that, even if my bruise from last time was almost all the way healed.
I started to sit on the floor, decided not to, since, like this, I was actually taller than Nadine, and she'd have to look up at me for once. If she wanted to look at me, that is, but instead she was boredly glancing every other way, as if she hadn't been up here a billion times before and didn't know where everything was. Eventually, I gave up and sat down, rather gingerly, after all, crossing my legs in front of me.
Her eyes finally fell on me, now that I was once again below her, and it was then that I noticed something was different about them.
"Where did you get those?" I demanded, new anger rising up from my stomach.
"Do you like them?" Nadine batted her eyes a couple of times and giggled, a sound that did nothing to make me feel better about her having -my- purple contact lenses I'd been denied by stupid, stupid Jen. "Oh, of course you do. Jen mentioned you going on about them at the mall the other day."
"Well, they're cool," I admitted begrudgingly, knowing full well what was coming next.
"You know, it's too bad you couldn't have gotten them, but Caileigh agreed with Jen. You just wouldn't like them." Nadine shrugged innocently. "I guess they're not for little kids like you."
"I am NOT a little kid!" I screamed at her, tears stinging my eyes as I crossed my arms and sulked, eyes now firmly planted on the dust around my legs. It just wasn't fair. Nadine isn't that much older than me, but she always got what she wanted, and what I wanted, for that matter. I never got -anything-.
One day, she'd know what it was like to be me. One day she'd see.
Except... She'd always be older than me, and there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it.
"If you're not a little kid, then why are you sitting like that?"
My eyes shot up at the question, the expression on her face telling me right away what I'd feared, although I asked anyway, hardly able to stop myself. "She -told- you?"
"She may have mentioned it to Caileigh," Nadine answered, her voice mysterious, before turning annoyed, "before Caileigh made me come over here 'cause Jen told her you'd been over here alone for the past couple days."
"They were talking about me?" I asked, surprised. Nadine shrugged.
As it turns out, they -had- indeed been talking about me, or so I've been told.
"What were you thinking?" Caileigh had asked, shaking her head. She really was nice, and at the time I would have much rather had her for a big sister, even if she sometimes treated me like even more of a baby than Jen in terms of what I was allowed to do around her.
"What would you have done?" Jen demanded, probably sulking down into the couch at her friend's reproach.
"I think I would have started with waiting until I got home." Caileigh shook head again, her black hair, reaching almost to the seat of the couch, moving like waves behind her. "You know, like the Big Sister Handbook says."
Jen snorted. "Oh, please. Like I ever look at -that- anymore. What a waste of time!"
"You should really treat her with more respect; she's the only little sister you've got." Caileigh's voice was calm, like it always was, but anyone who knew her could tell she was far from happy at the moment.
"Respect? Her? She's just a little kid! She probably doesn't even know what the word means." She started to laugh, was interrupted by Caileigh leaping to her feet and grabbing the coffee table in front of the couch, sending empty cups and coasters sailing every which way as she swung at Jen's face.
Jen had only a split second, but that was enough time for her to duck out of the way, diving off of the couch into a perfect roll over to daddy's favorite chair, which she then shoved with all her might at Caileigh. Caileigh jumped out of the way, up onto the couch, which was sent spinning as the chair crashed into it, forcing her to let go of the table to keep her balance.
Lunging forward, Jen grabbed the fallen table, swung it at Caileigh, still struggling on the couch. For a second, it looked like it was over... Then Caileigh's hands shot up and grabbed the edge of the table, just inches from the side of her head, right as the couch came to a halt.
"You never did appreciate her," Caileigh said, her voice still calm, but much lower than normal.
"Who cares?!" Jen shouted, struggling to wrench her table free from Caileigh's grasp. "She's just a stupid little kid!"
Caileigh's eyes flared. "I care. And, on behalf of the Society of Big Sisters, I -will- defeat you!"
Or something like that, I'm sure. It would have been right around then that mommy came home, so they would have had to stop fighting. Which is too bad, because Caileigh certainly would have won, and then none of the rest of this would have happened.
Strangely, when I got back home, Jen didn't show any signs of having been in a fight, and the living room was all cleaned up again. Since I still didn't want to talk to her if I could avoid it, I didn't ask her about it. She pretended to be all nice and such, asking if I'd had fun in the barn, a question which was met with a shrug before I escaped to the bathroom to wash my hands before mommy saw them and complained.
"What is up with you two?" mommy asked at dinner as another night went by with the two of us doing our best not to look at each other. Fork of spaghetti halfway to my mouth, I started to answer, got cut off by "And don't you tell me 'Nothing' again, either."
I turned anxiously to glance at Jen, trying not to meet her eyes while, at the same time, trying to figure out if she was going to say something at last, something to get back at me for being the cause of the fight between her and Caileigh earlier - the fight they would both later deny having when I asked them about it.
Fortunately, at least in a way, neither of us had to answer, since, at that moment, mommy spoke again. "Watch what you're doing, Penni!"
I own very little white clothing; a couple dresses, one or two shirts. For one thing, a lot of my white clothes had been turned pink a while back, when I'd tried to be helpful and do laundry on my own while Jen did homework and mommy and daddy were out on a date. I didn't mind too much, since pink is better than white anyway, but daddy had been a little adngry. For another, white clothes had a habit of not staying that color for long around me.
Mostly because of things like this. By the time mommy spoke, it was already too late. All I had time to do was watch as the sauce covered noodles slid off of my fork, straight onto my shirt, as if attracted by the pure, clean (well, except for some dust and hay and stuff) fabric, then fell down between my legs onto the chair.
"Penni!" Mommy had a way of scolding that didn't require her to say anything more than my name, yet still was enough to make my face burn red as I picked up the spaghetti from the chair, setting it down on my napkin.
"Maybe you ought to wear a bib," Jen suggested, trying to sound as if she was joking, although I'm sure she meant it.
"I don't need a bib!" I shouted, finally meeting her eyes in order to glare at her.
"All right, all right, calm down," daddy said quickly. "Don't yell in the house, Penni."
"But daddy..." I complained.
"Go get the sauce off your shirt, sweetie," mommy told me. I obeyed with a sigh, stopping at the edge of the bathroom doorway to try to hear what mommy was saying to Jen. I hoped she was telling her not to be mean, not that Jen would ever listen.
Wet spot on my shirt in place of the sauce, I returned to the table a few minutes later, blushing anew as I saw Jen and remembered her words before hopping up into my chair and trying to continue eating as if nothing had happened. My hand had other plans, however. I'm not sure if the moon was trying to control me, like he did with so many other people, or if he had made my glass extra slippery, but he must have done something, because almost as soon as I'd picked up my cup of water and began to bring it towards my face, I saw it falling down, down towards my plate of spaghetti.
Water splashed up all over me - if only I'd waited a few more seconds, I could have avoided going into the bathroom and missing seeing Jen lectured - soaking my shirt and dripping down onto my chair and legs and shorts.
Jen's face was shocked for a few seconds, and then she was overcome with laughter, ringing louder and louder in my ears, all but drowning out mommy's second "Penni!" of the night. Face red, tears threatening, I jumped back down from my chair and stormed off, out of the house. I thought about going to the barn, but I felt too tired for that, and so I sank down onto my swing instead, gently letting myself rock back and forth as I stared upwards.
Clouds were all about, dashing back and forth hurriedly, though mostly keeping the whole sky blanketed, like they were gearing up for rain soon. I hoped it would come that night, while I was asleep, instead of the next day.
"You okay?" daddy asked after a few minutes, sinking down into the swing next to me. I shrugged. "Did you and your sister have a fight, princess?"
I smiled at the nickname, reminding myself that at least daddy obviously liked me the best, since he never called Jen that as far as I knew. "No," I answered, not quite sure if it was true or not. Sure, I was mad at her, and she was mean and awful to me, but I didn't recall an actual fight between us having taken place.
"Then why don't you come in and finish dinner, okay?" We swang back and forth in silence, swing set creaking ever so slightly, for a minute or two.
"I'm not wearing a bib," I said at last.
"No, of course not," daddy assured me. "Jen was just joking, Penni. Everyone can be a little messy sometimes, especially with spaghetti."
"We shouldn't be," I sighed sadly, recalling a conversation I'd had with Nadine at school once, when I'd had a similar problem with the spaghetti there. "We're part Italian... We're s'posed to be experts."
Daddy smiled, didn't quite laugh, although he looked like he wanted to. "Well, you're still an expert-in-training," he explained, sounding sure enough of himself that I couldn't help but believe him. "By the time you're Jen's age, you'll be just as good as she is."
"Okay," I replied, a smile of my own finally breaking across my face, paused by daddy raising a finger suddenly, as if I had interrupted him. Which I guess I had.
"But only if you practice," he warned. "Now, are you ready to get to work?"
Although I was starting to feel better, I still shook my head.
"What's wrong, princess?"
"I'm full."
Daddy laughed. "Well, come inside anyway, okay? It's windy out here."
I nodded, holding out my arms as daddy stood up, letting him lift me down from the swing, even though I was perfectly capable of getting down myself. As we walked back to the house, I glanced up at the sky, watching the clouds blow back and forth.
For a split second, there was enough of a break in the clouds for me to see the moon underneath, where he had sat, scheming and plotting. He was full tonight, too, all big and round, though not too bright yet, since the sun hadn't yet set, and was still keeping him from doing anything -too- evil.
A shiver moved down my spine and I quickened my steps, no longer wanting to be outside. The clouds may have covered the moon back up, but that didn't mean he wasn't still there, waiting, watching. I thought I would be safer inside; I knew I could never truly escape him.
I was right about the second part, at least. |
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Elizabeth
Site Admin
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 172
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| Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:05 am Post subject: |
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Chapter Six
"Good evening," I forced myself to smile, extending a gloved hand to Dr. Hugo, who hurriedly stuffed his little mirror on a stick thing into the pocket of his white coat before elegantly taking my hand and kissing the top of it.
"Wonderful to see you here," he said. "Would you care for some punch?"
"No, thank you," I answered, trying to think of a civil way to end the conversation before it started. "Oh, look, there's Dr. Irvine!"
I hurried off, long pink skirt flowing behind me, sparkling from the light of the chandelier hanging above me. Luckily, it was turning out to be much easier to walk in heels this time than it was when last I'd - ahem - borrowed mommy's, and thought for sure I'd broken my ankle after about the hundredth fall, one that had been particularly bad.
Unfortunately, I somehow had managed to guess the direction which Dr. Irvine really had gone in since last I'd escaped from his attention. Maybe if my heels had been a little bigger, I could have seen through the crowd better; it shouldn't have been hard to avoid him since, like Dr. Hugo, and a few other doctors strewn about the room, he was wearing his white coat instead of a tuxedo or pretty dress, like everyone else. Of course, since they were doctors, after all, so what else would they wear? Unless they were fake doctors like Dr. Veitch.
"Ahh, Penni, there you are!" Dr. Irvine stepped forward, wrapping his arm firmly around my shoulders. "Have I told you yet how incredibly pleased I am that you've finally come to your senses?"
"A few times," I smiled weakly, starting to feel a little queasy, as I always did whenever I was around him. I could see a few needles in the pockets of his coat, didn't care to guess just what they were for. "I'm... feeling a bit thirsty. I think I'm going to get some punch."
"Oh, perfect!" his face brightened, as he started to move through the crowd, arm still on me, steering me along beside him. "I have something of a thirst myself."
"Perfect," I echoed, much less enthusiastically than he.
"Penni, my dear, have you ever thought about having some of your internal organs removed?" he asked conversationally.
"My... what?" I had a vague recollection of hearing the phrase on a TV show once, but, if I wasn't mistaken, they were somewhat important. "I think I need those, don't I?"
Dr. Irvine laughed, picking up one of those little cubes of cheese from the buffet table we were passing in front of. "Oh, no! Definitely not! You only use a couple of them really, and the rest are just for show, you see. Mostly just take up space, but a growing girl like you, she needs all the space she can get, doesn't she?"
I wasn't entirely convinced, but he -was- a doctor after all. "Yes?"
"Oh, perfect!" He let go of my shoulder for long enough to clap his hands, a look of pure joy on his face, and then he reached out towards the table, swept about half the dishes off and onto the floor, sending fish sticks and tater tots, and something strange and globby and possibly alive that I could only assume was caviar, since I wasn't quite sure what that actually was or looked like, flying. A few of the more well-dressed guests turned to see what the commotion was, annoyance plain in their expressions, though their pure black eyes didn't show any emotion at all. "We can get that taken care of right now!"
"I really am pretty thirsty..." I protested, starting to back away from him.
"Nonsense!" he exclaimed, grabbing me by the waist and lifting me up onto the buffet table, laying me down on the space he had just cleared. "This won't take but a minute." He reached into his pocket and dug around for a few moments, taking out a few needles, each bigger than the last, and setting them on the table, before producing a scalpel. "There you are!" he smiled as he kissed the blade, then bent down over me, positioning the blade over my tummy.
"Maybe we should wait until the ball's over," I suggested nervously, fighting to keep every inch of my body from squirming and succeeding with just about everything but my feet, hoping he wasn't really planning on cutting my pretty dress.
"No time like the present," he countered. "Now, this might hurt a bit..."
He leaned in closer to me, but set the scalpel down for a moment, instead deciding to knock lightly on my stomach. "What are you doing?" I asked, not sure I wanted the answer.
"Just trying to find the best place to start the cut," he assured me, picking the blade back up. "That should be perfect."
I gave a little whimper, feet starting to squirm more violently, enough so to hit the side of a bowl, knocking the contents over onto my legs.
"Oh, Penni," Dr. Irvine sighed. "Do be careful. You've let the spinach loose."
He changed his position for a second, and I saw that was, indeed, the contents of the overturned bowl. There was a mass of green laying across my shoes, moving and pulsing ever so slowly, like the tentacles of some great underwater beast. One of the leaves, a more productive one than the rest, started to crawl across my foot. I had to bite my lip to keep from squealing as, through my tights, I felt it wrapping itself around my leg. I squeezed my eyes closed.
Dr. Irvine shook his head, then, I assume, went back to his task. "Really, Penni, be still!" he ordered.
"Penni, what are you doing?" a rather angry voice asked.
I opened my eyes hesitantly. "Hi, mommy. You look pretty." She did, too, with a dark blue dress, and matching diamond earrings, tiara, and necklace.
She ignored my attempt at lightening her mood. "Do you know how far past your bedtime it is, young lady?"
"We were just..." Dr. Irvine began to explain, only to be cut off by mommy picking me up off of the table and setting me back down on the floor, where I immediately began to stomp my foot to get the spinach off, sending little leaves scrambling every which way, though mostly under the table. I didn't get quite all of it off, but I didn't want to touch it with my hands, so it was good enough for the time being.
"I'm afraid that will have to wait until later," mommy told him. "-Some- little girl is in big trouble."
"You'd let Jen be up this late," I pouted.
"Jen doesn't need a bedtime," mommy said, grabbing my hand. "She's a big girl, and so I like her more."
I considered informing her just how unfair that was; however, I had a feeling it would have as much affect as it did every night when I complained about having to go to bed well before Jen. Anyway, it was probably best not to get myself into any more trouble than I was already in.
I struggled against mommy's grip, only to be met with exactly as much success as I'd had with Jen at the mall. This was far more important, though, and I knew I was going to have to do something, or...
The chattering of hundreds of people droning on about random things at the front of the room began to die down. Mommy stopped, turned, as the moon himself began to descend through a massive hole opening in the ceiling. I've always thought that he looked much less threatening as he got more powerful, and his appearance here did nothing to persuade me otherwise. He was always the creepiest when he was just a sliver, sharp and dangerous against the night sky, or when you couldn't see him at all, although I could always feel his presence, his eyes on me.
However, he was full tonight, big and round and, to be honest, quite harmless looking as he descended, beaming. The people gathered in the ballroom began to clap, his smile growing larger as he saw his servants' respect. The applause spread out from the front of the room like a ripple; by the time it reached mommy, I was prepared for it, darting away as soon as she lifted her hands, vanishing into the sea of legs.
"I'm glad to see all of you here tonight," the moon spoke, his voice loud and booming, filling the ballroom, as befitted his size. "This is, as I'm sure you all know, a truly glorious occasion."
His audience began to clap again, yet there was just enough of a pause to allow me to hear that I was being pursued. Quickly, I ducked under a buffet table, crawling under the hanging tablecloth and huddling silently as the sound of clapping began to die down around me. I dared a peek out, saw none of the legs around me moving, sat down with a sigh of relief, to figure out my next move.
"We have all accomplished something today," the moon continued.
That was what he thought, I smiled wryly, glancing around my surroundings. There wasn't much light under there, but after a few moments, it was clear I was in the wrong place.
"Dang it," I pouted, lifting the edge of the tablecloth again. The next table was only a few feet away... If I was careful, I should be able to make it without drawing any attention to myself, especially with everyone staring at the moon.
"Your years of work and dedication to my cause have finally paid off," he droned. I nearly laughed as I crawled out from the table. Yeah, dedication. Like he hadn't brainwashed them all.
I was almost all of the way out when I felt a tugging at my leg. Before I had a chance to figure out what it was, I had been dragged back under the table. I gave out a gasp, kicking out at whoever had a hold of me. My foot connected with nothing, just as it did with my second and third kicks. Then I felt the familiar sensation of something crawling up my leg, wrapping itself tighter and tighter around me as it tugged me further and further under the table.
"Get off!" I demanded, although I knew spinach was notoriously disobedient. I didn't have time to deal with it now, nor to fight it off, so, despite my sorrow at their loss, and the loss of the inches they added to my height, I kicked off my shoes, then lifted my dress and struggled out of my tights, leaving them for the spinach while I crawled, much more quickly this time, out into the throngs of people outside.
"As I assured you all along, everybody has a breaking point, even the so-called Savior of the Stars."
The moon's voice was much louder than I'd remembered out in the open, almost hypnotic. I shook my head, forced it clear, made my way to the next buffet table, carefully avoiding the food strewn out all around this one. I lifted the tablecloth a moved underneath, at which point I had a stroke of luck. Or, rather, two, at the same time. Unfortunately, instead of both being good luck, only one was, and even that could have been better.
Instead of encountering the floor, my hand suddenly seemed to have found a large hole under the table, and I nearly fell forward into it. My other hand frantically reached out, found solid ground.
"Penni?" a small, frightened voice asked hesitantly from underneath me.
My eyes began to adjust to the lack of light under the table, enough to see that the hole I'd nearly fallen into had a number of metal bars across it (though none where my hand had been), and seemed to cover a pit, the walls of which were pockmarked by a series of doors, all of which had large padlocks on the handles.
"I'm here," I said, but my stomach was beginning to churn uncomfortably. This was what I was here for - not just why I'd come to this ball, pretending to have given up on my job, but why I'd been born in the first place. But what could I do? The bars looked to be placed far enough apart that I could fit between them, if I didn't mind falling quite a long way to the floor below, which I most certainly did, since having a broken leg didn't sound like much fun. Once I was down there, however, if I could even still move, I had no way of opening the doors.
And then I felt something wrapping itself around my other hand, something that, even by the feel of it, I could tell was green, and most certainly slimy and gross.
"And now, she's here with us, having abandoned her foolish mission once and for all!" The moon's announcement was met with the loudest applause yet, as I struggled underneath the table, trying to figure out a way to get myself free from the rest of the spinach without moving too much. I couldn't reach the other edges of the pit with my free hand, and the bars didn't look like they would be particularly comfortable to have all of my weight on. The spinach began to wind its way up my hand, around the arm of my dress.
"But where is she now?" the moon asked, and I could practically see everyone in the ballroom looking around, searching for me. For a second, I thought I was safe here. "WHERE IS SHE?!!!" the moon howled.
There was a split second where I could hear banging of some sort, and then light flooded into my little space as the table flew onto its side. I tried to pry myself free desperately, prepared to risk the jump into the pit rather than face the moon, felt myself being pushed up against the bottom of the table, accompanied by a sound I couldn't quite place, until I saw my dress and one of my gloves still laying on the floor next to the pit, leaving me naked as I faced my greatest foe.
"What are you doing?" he howled, gliding towards me, the crowd parting to make way for him.
There was no answer. There was nothing I could say, or, if there was, it was pushed out of my mind by the sudden realization that I really wanted to pee. Somewhere in the distance, I could have sworn I heard a door closing. I tried to move, tried to at least cover myself, but it was as if I was being held up against the table, helpless.
"You will not make a fool of me," the moon as he drew near, his eyes blazing with the light of a billion suns.
Despite his threat, the light of his eyes quickly dimmed, became vaguely flower shaped, then, at last, turned into my night light.
The rest of the ballroom began to fade away as well, leaving only a pounding heart and a rather full bladder behind. I hopped out of bed, almost falling down as my exhausted feet touched the ground. I forced my legs to stay up, decided I would risk one of my family members still being awake and seeing me in my naked state, as I was too tired to hunt out new clothes to replace my dress.
Jen was just coming out of the bathroom as I approached, and I shoved past her, the pain in my bladder growing stronger with every second I was awake. I shoved the door closed, lifted the toilet lid, let myself sit down, relieved I had actually made it. It'd seemed close there for a minute.
As soon as I began to let go, I knew something was wrong. I could feel a warm dampness around my bottom that shouldn't have been there, but, sleepy and unsure of what it was, I ignored it for a precious few seconds, when I could have hoped to stop myself.
All it took was a single glance down at myself to realize what was wrong, and by that point, it was far too late.
I wasn't naked after all. My mind began to work much more clearly as soon as I noticed this, my dream finally separating itself from reality. And leaving me with a very soaked pair of pajama bottoms and panties.
Mommy and daddy were going to kill me; there were no two ways around it. I was a big girl, I couldn't be having accidents like this! Once they saw this, it would be forever before they would start to believe that again. I'd be lucky if they ever let me get my ears pierced, or cool contact lenses, or anything else I wanted.
I didn't realize I was crying until I heard Jen's voice outside the bathroom door. "Penni? Are you okay, babe?"
"Go away!" I demanded, wiping my eyes and sniffling softly as I imagined all my grown up privileges now, and that I'd ever have, slipping away. Would I even be allowed to take baths by myself anymore? Heck, I'd probably be lucky to be allowed in the bathroom at all without supervision.
I couldn't let that happen. I was just going to have to find some way to hide all the evidence. Maybe if I just shoved it all under my bed... It was as good a plan as I was likely to come up with, so I got to my feet, listened at the door for any signs of Jen, but all was silent.
I opened the door, almost allowing myself to feel confident about the plan, until I saw Jen leaning against the wall, waiting for me. Her eyes went wide when she saw me, and then I could see her struggling to keep from laughing as she spoke.
"Penni, what happened?" Jen asked.
I ducked back into the bathroom, closed the door again, tears filling my eyes anew. I was dead.
"Penni?" Jen knocked on the door a few times, and every time I ignored her, until she finally stopped.
If I hadn't gotten her so mad at the mall the other day, my outlook might not have been quite as grim. She already thought I was a baby - surely she was expecting something like this at some point. But, if she was still mad at me, she would tell mommy and daddy, and...
There was another knock, much lighter this time. "Penni, let me in."
"Go away!" I sniffled.
"Okay, fine." Jen's shrug was practically audible. I almost thought I'd won, until she opened the door, carrying a pajama set and panties, which she set on the edge of the sink. "You don't have to put these on if you don't want to."
I stared at her for a minute, then looked over at the pajamas. "My shirt is still dry," I said finally.
"Yes, but it won't match those shorts."
She was right. The pajamas I had on now were light purple; the new ones were pink. I -never- mismatched them.
"When you're changed, give your wet things to me, and I'll take care of them, okay?"
I looked at her suspiciously, nodded anyway. Whatever she was up to, it couldn't be any worse than what would happen when she told mommy and daddy. Might as well let her do what she wanted. It was easier that way.
I got changed quickly, reopened the door and shoved my old pajamas at Jen. She took them, glanced expectantly at me. I stared up at her, silent, for a minute, before she shrugged and started to walk away. Finally, my tummy starting to feel bad, I blurted out, "Thank you."
Jen turned, smiling. "No problem, sweetie. But you owe me one."
I nodded dumbly. If I'd known what that "one" was, or that her solution for my problem was as simple as sticking them into the washing machine for the rest of the night, until mommy and daddy went to work and they could actually be washed, I would have yanked my clothes back out of her arms, and maybe kicked her, if I thought I could get away with it.
I didn't; I just nodded.
"Goodnight, Penni." Jen bent over, gave me another goodnight kiss on the forehead before vanishing into the darkness of the rest of the house.
I wandered back to my room, still feeling a bit numb, a little queasy, very anxious for what the next day would bring. -Was- she still mad enough to tell mommy and daddy?
Outside my window, the full moon was shining brightly, as if in answer, although I didn't realize what he was saying yet. All I knew was that this had to be all his fault.
"Jerk," I muttered, sticking my tongue out at him before laying back down on my bed. A few seconds later, I was fast asleep.
Chapter Seven
The sound of water dripping filled my ears, and for a moment, I wondered if I was still in the bathroom, if I hadn't fallen back asleep after pushing my way inside and slumping down onto the seat. I had been pretty tired, up until the point that I realized what I was doing, but that could very well have been my dream - I tended to feel quite awake in those as well.
My room slowly came into focus as I rubbed my eyes, those fears washing away, as if being carried away by the rain running down the outside of my window. Of course, I then had new fears to worry about, things I might not have needed to worry about if I could have had another chance to escape from the bathroom on my own, hopefully without running into Jen. Oh well.
I squirmed my way free of my blankets, wondering just how much help I'd gotten in order to end up as tangled in them as I was. It was a stroke of luck I'd woken when I had, or else my room probably would have shortly been swarming with evil moon minions.
I half-heartedly smoothed the blankets back down; depending on how long it took mommy to look at my room, I might be able to hold off actually making my bed until sometime that evening. Not likely, however, as she'd started assuming I hadn't done it, sometimes issuing her orders without checking to see if they were necessary. I'd have been offended by the assumption if it wasn't a rather safe one to make.
I walked over to my window with a yawn, stared up at a sky almost as dark as it had been the last time I'd been awake. The clouds from last night seemed to have multiplied, with no intention of going anywhere.
From the look of my sandbox - a look that reminded me of how I'd expected it to look for a few weeks after Jen told me that sometimes regular sand turned into quicksand overnight, up until I'd gotten nervous enough to ask daddy about it - the rain had already been hanging around a while.
A sigh escaped from my mouth as I stood there, perfectly still and silent otherwise. There wasn't any thunder or lightning, at least not so far, but the rain was coming down hard enough to squash any hopes I might have had about sneaking off to the barn without getting in trouble. Not to mention getting completely soaked, though I guess that would be part of the reason I'd be in trouble.
The roof of the barn would occasionally leak anyway, especially when it rained this hard, so I'd likely have gotten stuck hanging out on the ground floor. There wasn't anything wrong with that; it just wasn't anywhere near as fun as the loft, for some reason.
At least it'd be good for my tree, I told myself, tearing myself from the window and trudging through the house to the kitchen, where mommy and daddy were already up and dressed for work, and halfway done eating. Maybe it'd even be enough to make it start looking like a tree. But probably not.
Mommy told me once Nadine and I had planted the trees when we were really young, and supposedly Nadine remembered it, too, but I'm not so sure I believe that. She was a little older than me, though, so I guess she could have. I don't remember a lick of it, despite the pictures of me and Nadine, looking more like we were playing in the dirt than planting anything, which is probably true, seeing as how we were still actual babies then.
Those pictures were also the only way I could tell my tree had grown at all, since it still looked more like a twig with a few leaves than anything else, no matter what I tried to do to make it grow faster. Or to change it into a different kind of tree, although I don't know that I should have listened to Nadine about planting one of those mini-M&Ms next to it. Even if it did work, it would probably be annoying to have to pluck all of those little things off. Should have used a regular sized one.
"It's so little and scrawny," I'd complained to Jen once, standing beside it in a straw hat a few sizes too big that mommy had plunked onto my head right before I stepped out the door, a half-full watering can I'd made Jen carry most of the way there at my feet. "What kind of a tree is it supposed to be?"
Jen had thought for a minute, a weird kind of smile on her face. "Well, it's kind of like you," she teased, reaching down to tickle my tummy. I couldn't help but giggle, though I was far from amused by this answer. "Maybe it's a penny tree."
"I thought money didn't grow on trees," I said, bewildered, wondering why grown-ups couldn't get their stories straight. Must have something to do with being so old, and senile. And Jen's mind was already starting to slip away. Sad, really.
Jen shook her head, her smile replaced with a perfectly serious expression. "That's just paper money, sweetie."
I wasn't sure whether to believe her or not, but, just in case, I'd planted a penny next to the tree, too, a couple days later. The poor thing would either be very confused when it got older, or it would give me free candy -and- money.
If it ever got bigger. Which hardly seemed likely, as long as it had taken to get as "big" as it already was. Mine was at least doing better than Nadine's, anyway. Hers had died not long after it had been planted.
"What are you thinking about, honey?" mommy asked, kissing the top of my head as she walked past to set my plate down at my place at the table.
"Just my tree," I shrug, sliding down into my chair and pulling my legs up onto the seat to cross them under myself, like we'd had to sit during story time in kindergarten. Except not on the floor. Mommy looked at me for a minute, as if trying to put her finger on something that was out of place, but, luckily, she shrugged finally, and went back to the counter, seemingly without noticing I was wearing different pajamas than I'd went to sleep in.
I was halfway through my piece of toast, after having carefully drenched it in honey from our bear-shaped jar, when Jen slumped down into her chair, in the middle of a rather large yawn. At just the sight of her, I felt my cheeks growing warm, and I glanced away quickly, eyes falling on mommy crossing the kitchen with Jen's plate and cup of coffee.
"You okay, Penni?" she asked, looking confused again. I nodded, lifted my piece of toast up to my mouth again and began to chew on it slowly, although my stomach was beginning to churn, and was no longer in the mood for breakfast.
"Did you sleep well, princess?"
I nodded at daddy, made myself smile before my eyes darted over to Jen, sipping her coffee, waiting, dreading. Would she say anything?
"I had a weird dream," she spoke up, locking eyes with me for a split second before taking another sip. "But I don't remember what it was now."
"I'm done," I announced, setting my toast down on my plate and standing up.
"Penni..." Mommy's voice started like a warning, then softened a little. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm just not hungry," I assured her, setting my plate down beside the sink and hurriedly retreating. If Jen was going to tell mommy and daddy, I'd rather be elsewhere.
I had changed into a pair of green shorts and one of my formerly white, and now pink, T-shirts, by the time the knock came. I swallowed, taking a bit of solace in the fact that the knock hadn't sounded particularly loud, so maybe they weren't too mad. Or maybe they didn't want to scare the baby and make her wet her pants again.
"Goodbye, sweetie," mommy said, bending down to get a hug and a kiss, and return them.
"Bye, princess!" Daddy kissed the top of my head, then lifted me into his arms so I could give him a kiss on the cheek, and rest happily against his chest for a few seconds. "Have a fun day, all right?" I smiled and nodded, let myself be set back on my feet.
"If you feel sick, make sure to tell your sister," mommy warned. "And if it's still raining this afternoon, Jen is going to take the garbage out, not you."
"I'm not going to melt," I pouted, not entirely sure why. It wasn't like I -wanted- to drag all of the bags from our various trash cans around the house out to the big garbage can at the end of the driveway, especially in the rain. I guess I just didn't like being told what not to do, but mommy's expression froze any further complaints before they even thought about reaching my throat.
"And make your bed," she ordered, eyeing it distastefully.
They shut the door behind them, leaving me alone in my sadly boring room. We needed to go to the library again; I'd finished my last book a few days before, lying up in the barn's loft, almost making myself late for dinner because I just had to see the ending. But now I knew what it was, and what the endings were for all the other books in my room, and just couldn't bring myself to pick any of them back up that day.
There was another knock on my door, this time followed almost immediately by the sound of the knob turning, reminding me once again how unfair it was that I didn't have a lock. So what if I'd sort of locked myself out of my room once, or maybe twice? That'd been years ago... Yeesh.
"You gonna stay in here all day?"
"Maybe," I shrugged, hopping onto my bed. "Unless you want to drive me to the barn..."
Jen looked out the window. "I don't think so, babe."
"Fine." I let myself fall over backwards onto my bed. Eventually, I heard Jen's footsteps going down the hallway, through my still open door. I sat up a little to confirm that she had, indeed, left my door wide open, then dropped back down with a sigh. My privacy wasn't worth getting up, especially since there was nothing to do anyway.
Jen walked around for awhile, doing whatever it is Jens do on rainy days. There was silence for a few minutes, almost leading me to wonder if she'd gotten attacked by something that was then going to be intent only on finding and devouring me, but finally I heard the loud squeak the door to the basement made when it was closed, though the only real reason for that was to keep the sound the washer and drier made out of the kitchen. Water ran off and on as Jen did the dishes, apparently forgetting I was supposed to be there to dry them for her.
I forced myself to stand up, not wanting to give Jen anything else to tell mommy and daddy about to get me in trouble. So I went back to the kitchen and grabbed my towel, ignoring the smug look on her face as she handed me a dripping plate.
We worked in silence, her washing and me drying then setting them into the rack so she could put them away, since all of our cupboards were built way too high. While she took care of the last part, I retreated to the living room, curling up at one end of the couch and switching on the television.
Of course, there wasn't anything good on; there hardly ever was. After flipping through all the channels a few times, a feat which took only a minute or two, since there weren't many of them, I settled on a cooking show that would have been better if they hadn't been making some kind of fish. I've never liked fish - too many little bones.
The show was almost over by the time Jen finished opening and closing cabinets, then seemed to vanish into the basement for a few minutes before appearing in the living room. She sat down, right next to me, even though there was almost a whole couch to choose from, lifting my feet to make room for her to sit, setting them back down on top of her leg.
I drew them in closer to my body, glaring at her. "I'm not changing the channel," I told her, trying to act like I was only staying because I liked the show, and not her. Even if she had helped me out the night before, there was still no guarantee she wasn't hiding my pajamas to be used as evidence to help bring mommy and daddy around to her way of seeing me. And, besides, that hardly made up for her being the worst big sister ever, although I found it a bit harder to think of her as such now, remembering the look she'd gotten when I'd said it.
"Okay," Jen agreed easily, turning to look at the television just as my show was replaced by commercials, the first of which was advertising diapers. I rolled my eyes, like I did every time I saw baby stuff on TV, started to glance around the room for something more interesting. Jen, on the other hand, sat up a little straighter in her seat, entranced.
Memory is connections, finding some way to link what you're seeing, or doing, now, to what you've done in the past. You see something new, and your mind tries to connect it to something that's come before, to help you understand it better. Or your brain attaches something new to an experience you had earlier in your life, to give your experience new meaning. And memory is not always entirely reliable - generally, it's far from.
Or so I heard once, anyway, or something kinda like that. If it is true... Well, then Jen's process of thought probably went something like this, when the commercial came on:
"Oh, look, a baby, just like my sister, even if she won't admit it anymore. Isn't she cute, lying there, smiling up at her mommy, getting her diaper changed? Penni used to smile at me like that. She used to think I was the most awesome person ever. And now, I've let her see what I'm really like, and she no longer thinks that. Gee, I wonder how I could change that? She -did- just wet herself last night, after all, and she does owe me..."
Or something like that. Basically, while the commercial was talking about absorbency, and stretching, and other stuff, it might as well have been saying "Hey, you have a little sister you want to torture? We can help!"
She sat there, deep in thought, once the ad was over, stealing a glance at me now and then that I pretended not to notice, for a few minutes before standing back up and walking off towards the bedrooms. I didn't think much of it, even when I heard a bang that sounded strangely similar to the sound the ladder to the attic in daddy's closet made when it was lowered too quickly.
So Jen was in the attic, so what? It wasn't like there was much up there, other than a bunch of my old baby stuff, and who cared about that? I just shrugged, newly entranced by the show that came on after the other cooking lady finished up her stupid, nasty fish. These people were focusing on desserts, a truly worthy subject, and one that made my tummy begin to growl, angry at me for not finishing my toast.
Luckily, Jen reappeared not long after that, looking a bit dusty, but somewhat pleased with herself for reasons I didn't dare try to guess. "Can we have lunch?" I asked, my request punctuated by another rumbling from my stomach.
"Sure, it's just about that time," Jen said happily. "What do you want?"
"Can I have dessert first again?" I smiled up at her hopefully.
Jen shook her head, which was met with a pout. "You need to actually eat real food, sweetie, or we'll both get in trouble."
"Fine," I sulk, curling up into a tighter ball in my corner of the couch. What kind of an answer was that? Of course dessert is real food! How could you eat it if it wasn't?
At least she didn't make me eat at the table, even though I had to sit up, I guess so I wouldn't spill macaroni and cheese on the couch, since I could have sworn I heard somewhere you could swallow even if you were upside down, and lying down was hardly upside down.
I noticed her watching me again as I ate, a strange look in her eye I might have recognized if I'd seen her watching the commercial earlier. When she took my plate back to the kitchen, I heard the basement door squeak once as she went down to the basement, but she was apparently finished with the laundry, because it didn't squeak again. I sighed, preparing myself to begin folding clothes. Like they wouldn't get all wrinkled up once they were worn anyway.
As it turned out, there had been only three things being washed, and each of them was already folded and in a pile that was unceremoniously dropped onto my lap, still warm from the dryer. As I stared at my pajamas, all fresh and clean, I couldn't help but wonder - had I been too hasty in proclaiming Jen the worst big sister ever after all, and in assuming she was just out to get me in trouble with mommy and daddy?
Was she the same nice person who bought my a cute shirt with her own money, and stickers, and a milkshake, and probably a bunch of other stuff I couldn't even remember? She did do a lot of nice things for me, and she'd only spanked me that one time, even though she had the authority to do so whenever I misbehaved. Not that I did much, of course, but I can admit I wasn't always the most obedient person, especially if I really, really wanted (or didn't) to do something.
I wondered all of that stuff, almost considering apologizing for yelling at her back at the mall, and for not being so nice lately, all the way up until she sat down next to me, and opened her mouth, that weird look back in her eyes and an equally weird smile on her face, as she reached over to pat my leg.
"We need to talk, babe." |
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Elizabeth
Site Admin
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 172
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| Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:06 am Post subject: |
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Chapter Eight
I stared at Jen hard for a few minutes, barely even blinking, trying to figure out if she was joking. Surely, she had to be, though she was keeping her face serious, not even cracking a smile. "I... don't think so," I said finally, waiting for her to start laughing at her little joke.
She didn't. "Maybe I didn't put that right. Let me try again." She paused for a moment, pretending to be deep in thought. "I did a big favor for you last night, and I told you I expected something in return."
"This isn't just -something-," I complained. "I thought you meant you wanted me to do your chores for you one day or something."
Jen's mouth curved upwards as she prepared to close her trap. "Well, why don't we also consider this a thanks for not telling mom and dad about... Oh, say, certain things their youngest daughter has been up to this week."
I stared up at her, shocked but blushing. "You wouldn't!"
Jen shrugged. "I won't. -If- you agree."
I shoved her hand off of my leg, scrunching up tighter against the arm of the couch, tears stinging my eyes. "Why are you being so mean?"
Jen looked a little hurt, but she seemed to have been expecting this, as she had everything else. "I'm not being mean, Penni. Heck, -I'm- doing -you- a favor here, you know. Another one." I shot her an incredulous look. "If I told mom about last night, what do you think she would do?"
"I dunno," I shrugged, heart beginning to pound as I tried to come up with a way out. If I'd been smart, I would have seen that these were all empty threats, that she would never tell mommy and daddy about my accident last night, or running off on her at the mall, because to do so, she'd have to admit her own involvement. And then she'd have been in just as much trouble as me, maybe even more, since she was supposed to be the mature, responsible one.
But I wasn't smart. I could feel the teeth of the trap closing around me, and I was scared, sure there was no way out.
"A big girl like you, having an accident like that..." Jen shook her head. "She'd have you back in diapers, too, in no time. Only she'd make you wear them all the time, Penni."
I was quiet for a time as my stomach twisted inside me. It was probably true, I told myself. Hadn't I feared something like that the night before? When I spoke again, my voice was low, scared. "Do you really think so?"
Jen nodded solemnly. "I have no doubt about it. After all, how could she think you were a big girl anymore? You don't want her to think you're a baby, do you?" I shook my head, entranced by her words, just as she knew I would be. I saw a shadow of her smile return. Then she she slammed the trap shut on me. "But I know that you're a big girl. And that's why I trust you to keep your end of the deal. Well, that, and I doubt you're too keen on having to wear diapers -all- the time, not just when I want you to, and not just for this summer."
Not that there was much difference between the two. Not that it mattered. How was I going to say no to her now, when doing so would be proving to not only Jen, who already more than suspected it despite her words, but to mommy, who I hoped didn't, that I wasn't nearly as grown-up as I tried to be?
"But I'll give you a choice," Jen said, like she was doing me some huge favor. "Personally, I wouldn't mind telling mom, but if you want to stick to your promise..."
I hadn't made a promise. All I'd done was say 'Thank you', and not protest her claim that I owed her one. At least, I didn't remember making a promise, but what if those two things were some kind of a way of promising that grown-ups used? I felt confused, and a little scared, and, most of all, cornered.
"I'll do it," I sighed.
"Good girl!" Jen grinned, leaning over to hug me. I didn't push her away like I wanted to; I didn't hug her back, either.
Suddenly, another thought crossed my mind, almost too horrible to give voice to, although I had to. My eyes were wide with shock as I tried to bring myself to say it, my throat seeming to have closed off until I swallowed, rallying my nerves.
"I don't have to use them, do I?" I asked as she pulled away finally, wrinkling my nose at the very idea. Of course, if I had paid closer attention to what Jen had been doing before she came up with her oh-so-wonderful plan, or at least not ignored the diaper commercial as I did every commercial that didn't involve particularly yummy looking food or cool toys, I would have known that there was no way I could get out of that.
"Diapers are expensive, sweetie," Jen answered calmly, as if she had already planned all this out in her head, too. "And while I'm sure you'll look precious just wearing them, it would be sort of... frivolous for you not to use them, too."
I narrowed my eyes at her, starting to feel more suspicious, wondering if she -had- been plotting this after all. Maybe it had been an idea that had been sitting at the back of her mind for a while now, waiting for the perfect opportunity to spring out and ambush me.
I wanted to ask what frivolous meant, but decided against it. I didn't want to look stupid, not now, and, besides, it wasn't like it mattered. She already had her mind made up; she wasn't going to change it for me. "I can at least change myself, though, right?" I looked up at her, eyes full of misguided hope.
Jen shook her head slowly, sending my stomach plummeting downwards. "Have you ever even seen a baby getting diapered?" I started to open my mouth, optimism flaring up again like a phoenix rising. "That you can remember," she added quickly. The phoenix sank back into the ashes.
"You can teach me..." I suggested, my lips beginning to form into a pout.
"It'll just be easier for me to do it, babe," Jen told me, reaching down to mess up my hair.
There wasn't anything else to say, I realized, so I stayed quiet, hardly able to even comprehend what I had gotten myself into. Maybe it wasn't going to be so bad, part of my brain reasoned. Maybe she'll only want you to wear them every once in a while.
Yeah, right. And maybe the moon -wasn't- an evil jerk who hated my guts, and was possibly trying to kill me. At least -he- wasn't mean enough to come up with this.
"Maybe you should go take a nap, sweetie. You look tired." Jen's voice was gentle, yet I could hear a hint of her pride at a job well done shining through.
"I don't need a nap," I informed her with a glare. "I'm not..." But the rest of my usual protest broke off, lost somewhere on its way to my mouth. It sounded silly now, although not as much as it would once I was actually in the diapers I'd agreed to wear, and not just thinking about, dreading them.
"Yeah, yeah, I know." Jen was obviously amused, although she worked hard not to laugh. "Big girls take naps sometimes, too, though, and I think you need one."
"I'm not tired," I lied. I didn't expect it to do any good, almost regretted saying it. At least if I was in my room, I wouldn't have to be around Jen, and that was something I wouldn't mind right then. "Do I have to wear a diaper if I do?"
Jen was confused for a second, then shook her head, let herself laugh out loud. "We have to go buy them first, babe. We can go do that tomorrow, okay?" If I thought I could get away with saying no, I would have; instead, I shrugged, got to my feet, clutching my pajamas to my chest. They weren't quite as warm anymore, but they still felt kind of nice, comforting in a way.
"Sweet dreams," Jen grinned. I almost stuck my tongue out at her as I walked away, somehow resisted the temptation. I could almost hear her evil laughter, like any good villain had, echoing through her words, mocking me as I retreated to my bedroom. I half expected to hear it for real, as she celebrated her victory.
I guess she celebrated quietly, since all I heard was the attic door opening again, and a pair of feet climbing up the ladder, although that was a few minutes later, so she had plenty of time for her silent little bout of jubilation.
I paused at my dresser, staring up at the ceiling, almost wishing I could see through it, so I could figure out what Jen was up to. I probably didn't want to know.
I sighed and walked over to my bed, collapsing on top of it, dresser drawer still open. I hugged my pajamas closer to me as I curled up into a ball, trying to forget about this deal I'd made, and what the next day would bring. I tried not to think about anything, to just lay there and be.
I hadn't planned on falling asleep like that, but the next thing I knew, I was blinking my eyes open. I sat up, glanced around my room, brain full of fog. I blushed, quickly wiping my face, at the feeling of drool at the corner of my mouth.
I wanted to lay back down and sleep some more, surprised at just how good Jen's suggestion of a nap had been, but the sharp pain in my tummy stopped me. I could hear people wandering around, more than just Jen, and I could smell something cooking. I took my pajamas over to my dresser and dropped them into the open drawer, which I closed quickly to kill off the renewed embarrassment that came from the little wet spot I saw on them.
"Afternoon, sleepy head," mommy greeted me as I trudged into the kitchen. She gave me a kiss on the top of my head when I stepped up beside her, getting up on my tiptoes to try to see what was in the pots bubbling away on the top of the stove. "You feeling better?"
"Not really," I shrugged. "I'm hungry."
"The soup will be done in a minute, all right?" I nodded, walked slowly over to the table and sank down into my chair, noticing, with a little surprise, that it had already been set. Had mommy done that for me?
As I sat there, staring at my reflection in my spoon, I barely noticed daddy and Jen joining me at the table, until I saw mommy lowering the pot of soup onto the potholder she'd put at the middle of the table. I looked up then, confused for a brief moment, wondering if I'd fallen asleep again.
I saw Jen when I looked up, sitting across from me, smiling at me as mommy picked up my bowl and filled it with what turned out to be potato soup. My hunger seemed to vanish as I saw her, all my worries from earlier in the day rushing back to take up the space my food should have gone. I nearly wished I could go back to feeling nervous about whether or not Jen was going to tell on me. Instead, I shoved my bowl away.
"What's wrong, Penni?" mommy asked, up from the chair she'd just sat down in and at my side in a flash.
"I'm not hungry." I tried to get up, but mommy's hand on my shoulder kept me still.
"You just said you were, honey." Her voice was worried, perhaps even a little scared, and she moved her hand to my forehead, pushing aside my hair, which was still all wild from my nap.
"I'm fine," I protested, shaking my head to make her move her hand, worried that if she left it there too long, she might find out the truth, why I was so anxious. She had a way of finding that sort of thing out whether I wanted her to or not.
"I think you ought to at least try to eat some, then."
I sighed, nodded, even felt a little better after a kiss on the forehead. Not quite enough to get me to bring my spoon up to my mouth, but I at least picked it up, started to run it back and forth through my soup.
Mommy watched me quietly for a while before picking up her own spoon. "I notice the trash can in the kitchen is still full," she said, the end of her sentence punctuated by a soft blow into her spoon.
I haven't seen Jen blush many times. It's kind of a fun thing to see, after all the times she's made me embarrassed.
"Oh," she coughed, trying to come up with a good excuse. "I... forgot."
I couldn't help but giggle. Jen shot my a dirty look, and I quickly looked down at my soup, knowing full well I shouldn't provoke her, not with the next day still approaching faster than I could have imagined. Even so, I found myself starting to giggle again, until finally I began to eat, if only to keep myself quiet, although, I realized, my tummy didn't feel nearly as bad anymore.
I felt pretty good for the rest of the evening, the nervous feeling I got when I looked at Jen getting a bit weaker as the night wore on, and I worked on a coloring while everyone else watched some boring show on television. Not even Jen's teasing about how slow I was at finishing the picture - I was still only half done when mommy said it was time for bed - brought back the full weight of my fears from before.
That didn't happen until Jen came into my room, once I had gotten all tucked in and kissed goodnight by mommy and daddy. At first, I thought she was just there to say goodnight, too, not noticing how careful she was being to keep one hand behind her back, until she slowly, carefully, closed my bedroom door.
"I have a little surprise for you," she grinned, pulling back my covers. I was too scared to ask what, or even to try to catch a glimpse as she picked me up and made me stand up next to my bed before kneeling in front of me. "I found these in the attic... I hope they still fit." I looked down then, giving a little gasp at the Pull-Up she had just set down on the floor next to my feet before reaching up to the waistband of my pajama shorts, pulling them and my panties down at the same time. "Lift your feet, sweetie."
I obeyed her, not sure what other choice I had, tears stinging at the corners of my eyes. "Jeeen," I complained, making my voice sound as little and weak as I could, sniffling loudly.
Jen looked up, her expression transforming from something like glee to sympathy as she saw my face. "Don't cry, sweetie." She set the Pull-Ups down, enveloped me in a hug.
"I don't wanna..." I started, only to be shhh'd by Jen, whose hands were now slowly stroking my hair.
"How about we wait until tomorrow, then?" she asked after a few minutes.
"Do we have to?" I asked, sniffling again, this time on purpose, hoping it would get her to change her mind, since the first had worked pretty well.
"You -did- promise," she reminded me. I nodded sadly, deciding it would be better to let it go at that. It wasn't much of a victory, but it was something.
Yet, when her hands moved from their places around me, they went to the Pull-Up, instead of my pajamas. "Hey!" I protested, feeling betrayed.
"Just to see if it fits," she assured me, staring into my eyes until I reluctantly nodded. I obediently lifted my feet and let her slide the stupid thing up my legs and over my bottom, defying my quick prayer that it break halfway there. It felt a little tight, not to mention weird and thick and babyish, but Jen seemed satisfied as she pulled it back down and helped me into my pajamas again.
"Goodnight, Penni," she said as she stood, giving me a soft pat on the bottom before I slipped back into bed. Luckily, I fell asleep almost immediately, before I could start to worry about what the next day was inevitably bringing.
Chapter Nine
I sat nervously on my bed, listening to the sound of mommy and daddy's cars driving off. It didn't feel like they should be leaving yet - breakfast had zoomed by in no time, ending with Jen whispering to me not to get changed out of my pajamas yet. So I didn't, though I made sure to stop at the bathroom before going to my room to stare out the window at the glistening world outside.
The rain had stopped sometime during the night, I suppose, but everything was still wet, and the morning sun gave it all a wonderful, fresh kind of look. It felt like a new start, almost, another chance, though for what, or who, I didn't know for sure, could only hope it was meant for me. The sun, while he liked to test me, also encouraged me from time to time, when things seemed the most grim.
The view wasn't a rainbow, but it was something, and it kept me from feeling too anxious about what was to come. After all, it might be a sign after all, and if I thought it was mine, who was to say it wasn't? Jen could have had a change of heart before she went to bed the night before - she certainly had enough time after she'd said goodnight to me, as unfair as that was - or there could have been a dream. Dreams were like that sometimes; they could show you the truth, if you were willing to pay attention.
Apparently, Jen wasn't.
She didn't even knock before opening my door, tossing a Pull-Up onto the bed beside me. "You ready to go shopping?" she asked cheerfully, sitting down next to me with a bounce.
"No," I pouted.
She didn't seem to notice. "Why don't you pick out something to wear?"
I thought about repeating myself, until I realized she would likely take that as an invitation to pick for me. "I guess," I sighed dramatically, sliding slowly off the edge of my bed and trudging over to my closet. I took as long as I dared, trying to extend the amount of time before I had to wear the icky, stupid thing sitting on my bed, mocking me, bearing a picture of Minnie Mouse frolicking and looking almost as happy as Jen.
I didn't get the chance to wear the clothes in my closet too often in the summer. It was mostly full of dresses, and mommy didn't like me playing in the barn in most of them, other than a couple fairly old ones, because it got them all dusty and kind of dirty, depending on what I did that particular day. I wore them to church, of course, and every once in a while to town, if I remembered we were going before I got out of my pajamas.
As I looked through them, however, I began to notice something I'd never quite realize, or at least care about. Almost all of them, except for a couple really nice ones, were fairly short. That never bothered me before, since I'd never thought much about it, but now that I knew there would be a Pull-Up, and soon, unless I was a lot luckier than the last few days would lead me to think, a diaper, underneath, I couldn't help starting to feel somewhat self-conscious about it.
Even so, I took my time glancing over each dress, almost choosing my favorite purple denim jumper anyway, because I liked it so much, and, hey, it was kind of not-too-short, maybe. In the end, though, the butterflies in my tummy made me put it back, and look in my dresser instead. Jen's expression had gotten a bit less joyful; there might have been a touch of annoyance, even.
"The longer you take, the more likely mom is to get home before us," she told me as I struggled, maybe a bit more than necessary, to open one of the drawers.
My eyes widened as I spun around, finding a smirk making its way across Jen's face as I asked, "We're going to be gone that long?!"
"We will if you take all morning picking out an outfit."
I stared at her a minute. I couldn't tell if she was joking or not, and, in cases like that, it was better to assume she wasn't. "Fine," I glowered, reaching into the drawer and pulling out my second favorite pair of jeans and throwing them onto my bed. I guess they were technically my favorites, since mommy had cut the legs off my very favorite ones; I still thought of them as second favorite anyway. They were lighter blue than my other pairs, although I remember them being a bit darker when I first got them. They were a bit old, but still comfy, with a couple permanent grass stains on the knees - mommy didn't like me wearing them to town anymore because of those - and a lady bug sewn onto the pocket.
I opened the next drawer up and searched through it, wanting my shirt that said Angel. I couldn't find it, since, as I eventually remembered, it was waiting to be washed. I did find the shirt Jen bought me at the mall the other day, almost picked it up. I hadn't worn it yet, and I wanted to. It was cute, even if the person who gave it to me was mean and awful.
I picked up a T-shirt, a hand-me-down from Jen that was still pretty big on me, hanging down almost to my knees, a kitten sleeping beside a ball on tangled yarn on the front. I don't know why I chose it instead, but there was a feeling of satisfaction as I set it down next to my jeans on the bed and looked up at Jen expectantly.
If she cared, or even noticed me considering, and then ignoring, her present to me, the only indication was a brief glimpse of something across her eyes, quickly replaced with her strange glee. "Let's get little Penni dressed for her big day, then, huh?" she grinned, picking up the Pull-Up.
I swallowed softly, preparing myself as Jen reached out towards me. I'd been dreading this all morning, ever since I'd woken up, memories of the night before flooding my mind straight away, reminding me of the real world, instead of forcing me to spend a minute or two separating it from my dreams like I usually had to.
I sniffled softly, making my eyes all big as I tilted my head up towards Jen. I couldn't recall exactly how my voice had sounded the night before, so I just did my best to sound all quiet and sad as I pleaded, "Jeeeen..."
Jen reached over, messed up my hair. Not at all the reaction I was trying for, so I blinked at her a couple times, wishing I could make myself cry whenever I wanted to, like one of the girls in my class claimed she could. "Do I hafta?" I asked, my voice louder, and a little madder, than I'd planned.
"'fraid so." She didn't sound like she was.
I looked away from her, down at my feet, sniffled again. "I don't wanna, Jen," I told her, in case she hadn't gotten the idea yet.
"You promised, Penni," she reminded me, like I could forget. Like I'd had a choice. "It won't be that bad, sweetie."
Her hand went to my shorts again, and I pulled away, stomping my foot in frustration. "I'm not a baby!" I yelled at her. I felt tears running down my cheeks - looks like I didn't need to learn to fake them after all.
"Oh, honey," Jen cooed softly, pulling me into her lap before I could escape her arms again. She hugged me, pulling me close against her. In the midst of my tears, I couldn't help but wonder if my plan had worked after all, even if it'd taken its own sweet time. "It's okay, bab... I mean, sweetie..." Jen spoke softly into my hair.
Quiet. I cuddled up closer to Jen's chest, starting to like this feeling, convinced of my victory.
Jen lifted her head from the top of my head, smoothed the hair there back down with her hand. "Penni, I told you before, I know you're not a baby." I wanted to ask her why she'd been trying to get me into a diaper, then, didn't trust myself not to sound too angry and accusing. Luckily, she went on without my prompting. "It's just... Well, I wouldn't mind if you could be, sometimes. You're such a big girl now, and I don't really get to take care of you anymore, and I miss it."
I looked up at her suspiciously, unsure if I should believe her. I nearly could have, if it hadn't been for her claim that she recognized I wasn't really a baby. I was still staring at her when she began to pull my pajama bottoms off, almost without me noticing until she let them fall to the floor.
"And you don't have to wear them all the time, remember?" I nodded, pouting as I felt the Pull-Up moving up my legs. "Besides, you promised. You don't want to go back on a promise, do you?"
"I guess not," I sighed. Jen smiled and set me down, pulling the training pants the rest of the way up, her grin widening at the result.
"Now, that's better." She patted my bottom, like she had last night, except this time her hand was met with a softer, more cushioned sound, and I barely felt a thing. The Pull-Ups looked a lot different from the ones in the commercials on television - I guess they'd decided to make them better after I got out of them. At least those ones looked a tiny bit more like underwear than diapers, even if that was what they were.
I squirmed some, wiggled my bottom a little, wrinkled my nose. Jen did her best not to laugh at me, but it was apparently too difficult, and I shot her a dirty look and crossed my arms.
"Sorry, sweetie," she said, trying to sound calm and soothing, an effect that would have worked better without the giggle at the end, followed quickly by a cough. "We'd better get you dressed. Lift your arms."
I continued to glare at her instead, so she moved my arms for me, prying them away from my chest so she could unbutton my pajama top and slip it off, and replace it with my chosen T-shirt. It fell down low enough to cover my Pull-Up, which might have been enough to brighten my mood some if I couldn't still feel it there, taunting me.
"That looks cute," she nodded approvingly, tugging at the bottom of the shirt. "Maybe we don't need those jeans after all."
"Yes, we do!" I said quickly, picking them up myself before she could try to take them away. Sure, I had dresses that were shorter than the shirt, but that wasn't the point. I wasn't wearing them.
Jen hesitated. I could tell she wanted to yank the jeans away, snatch me up, and throw me in the car. To her credit, she was much gentler than I'd expected as she took them out of my hands and put me back on her lap so she could put them on me. "Are you sure you want these?" she asked when she was done. "They look a little tight with the Pull-Up under them."
They did feel a bit tighter than usual. Not enough to convince me to take them off. "They're fine."
Unexpectedly, Jen let me put my own socks and shoes on, saying she had to go get ready herself. I guess she figured I wouldn't want to go to jail, or whatever they did to people who didn't follow their "No shoes" rule. She didn't trust me enough to let me do it with my door closed. I hadn't even thought of changing back into my panties until Jen said she didn't want me doing that when I asked why I should leave the door open. It would have been a good idea, though.
Walking to Jen's room felt weird somehow, in some way I couldn't quite put my finger on, although it was obviously because of what I had on under my jeans. I found myself taking smaller steps, which helped a little.
"What's that?" I asked, pointing over to the bag sitting on Jen's bed. She turned around from the mirror at her desk, where she was putting on the makeup I wasn't allowed to touch anymore, after accidentally spilling a bunch of it onto her carpet once while trying to climb up onto her desk to get a better look at myself.
"That's your diaper bag, sweetie," she answered. "It's cute, huh?"
"Yeah," I agreed reluctantly. I didn't want to admit anything associated with this whole thing was "cute", but couldn't help it in this case. It was pink, covered with teddy bears doing various things, like eating a piece of birthday cake with one candle, and flying away with a balloon tied to one paw. "Where'd you get it?"
"Don't you remember it?" Jen sounded surprised. "It was yours. And still is, actually."
"Oh." I felt a little stupid as I looked the bag over again. It might have seemed kind of familiar, I guess. "It's big," I commented.
"Has to be, to carry all the stuff a baby needs." She glanced over at it. "I remember one time I asked mom why we didn't just carry you in there, too."
"I wouldn't fit in there!" I protested, offended at the thought. I wasn't -that- little!
"You used to be able to." She sounded like she knew for sure, possibly from experience. Maybe it's a good thing I don't remember being a baby...
"What's in it?"
"Why don't you look?" I shook my head, a little afraid of the bag now for some reason, not wanting to know what I might find there badly enough to open it. What else of mine from when I was a baby had Jen found? "It's pretty much just a couple extra Pull-Ups, in case you have an accident before we're done shopping."
"I'm not going to have an accident," I insisted, offended again. "I am -not-..."
"A baby," Jen finished for me. "I know. It's just in case, hon, calm down."
"I am calm," I pouted, crossing my arms.
"Then let's go!" Jen grabbed the diaper bag and my hand, taking us both out to her car. Nadine was standing on her porch, watching us, and I waved meekly to her as Jen put the bag into the back seat.
"You want to listen to the radio?" She turned it on before she finished the question, so I shrugged, having decided not to speak to her again unless I had to. I'd actually decided that earlier on, while I was tying my left shoe the first time - unfortunately onto my right foot, as I managed to do almost every other time I put on my shoes - but forgotten about it when I saw the mysterious bag.
Not again, I told myself with a stern, very authoritative feeling, nod. I looked out the window instead, watching the farms and trees and mailboxes zoom past, until we got onto the highway, and there wasn't anything interesting to see.
I sat up in my seat, squirming around to try to find another comfortable way to sit. I should have just stayed where I was, I decided with a pout at last, unable to escape the unusual thickness around my waist.
As I was fidgeting, my eyes happened to spot something at the side of the road, something I didn't recognize until we were right next to it. I gave out a gasp as we passed the snake, all curled up and probably hissing, and immediately pulled my feet up from where they'd been swinging back and forth boredly, pressed myself as hard against the back of the seat.
Snakes were crafty little monsters, and, if it had decided to grab onto the bottom of our car when we went past, I didn't want it attacking -my- feet once it found its way inside. They were probably the most evil of the moon's minions, so evil he hadn't even let the come to the ball the other night. Or, if he had, I hadn't seen them. They might have been hiding, I suppose, although I didn't want to meet the thing that even snakes wanted to hide from.
Jen looked over at me with a weird little smile on her face, looking all smug and satisfied. I wasn't sure why, but I decided to stick my tongue out at her before sulking down further into my seat, curling my feet safely under my padded bottom.
I wasn't sure whether I wanted the drive, which turned out to end at Wal-Mart, to take longer or shorter. The longer it took, the more time I had before I would be in real diapers, but, riding in silence was beginning to grate at my nerves, and my resolve to keep my vow of silence. As it turned out, it took just as long as it always did, so I guess it worked out in the end.
After pulling into our parking space, Jen switched off the engine of the car and unbuckled her seatbelt. Instead of getting out of the car, she reached over to me, pushed my shirt up.
"What..?" I started to ask, before putting a hand over my mouth for a second.
Jen's eyebrow raised, but she didn't ask, just unbuttoned my jeans, pulling them open enough to see my Pull-Up underneath. Still dry, as I could have very well told her, although she seemed surprised at its condition.
"I told you I wasn't going to have an accident," I told her, trying to sound offended and all 'told you so' at the same time.
"Yes, you did," Jen said, her voice all patronizing, like she was talking to a baby, making me wish I'd stuck to my plan, resisted the urge to show her I'd been smarter than her, and given her the opportunity to reply to me. "Well... Let's go get Penni some diapers!"
"Yay..." I mumbled unhappily as I unbuckled my seatbelt and let myself out of the car, before Jen decided she needed to do it for me.
The sun shone on above me, lighting up the water still hanging on to the shopping carts inside their little pen. A sign of hope, or a fresh start. For someone other than me.
Sometimes, the sun could be just as much of a jerk as the moon. |
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Elizabeth
Site Admin
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 172
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| Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:09 am Post subject: |
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Chapter Ten
The rain the day before had cooled the air off some, enough that I didn't mind walking through the parking lot too much, wouldn't even have considered asking to ride in a cart even if I didn't feel like enough of a baby already. They were probably all wet anyway, and getting out of the cart with a wet spot on the back of my pants - well, actually my shirt, unless it was wet enough to soak all the way through there -into- my jeans - would make for a less than fun walk back to the car.
At least for me. I'm sure Jen would have just loved it, the evil, mean monstrosity that she was.
"Penni!" the horror beside me said loudly, waving her hand in front of my eyes, which were still staring off at where the carts stood, crowded up against one another. It must have been very uncomfortable being a shopping cart, I had decided a few years before, when I had resolved not to be one anytime soon.
"What?" I asked, glaring up at her, trying to sound like I was angry at having my thoughts interrupted, although the jump that preceded it might have given me away. If I had been younger and less smart, I might have worried she could hear my heart beating rapidly in my chest, and therefore known how badly she'd startled me, but the last time I saw him, other than in my dream, Dr. Irvine had told me you could only hear peoples' hearts with the cold metal thing with an unnecessarily weird name he wore around his neck.
I obviously didn't do a good enough job, because Jen smiled at me, barely able to keep her giggles contained. "Didn't mean to scare you, babe," she claimed.
"Yeah, right," I mumbled, thoroughly unconvinced.
"Maybe I checked your Pull-Up too soon," she suggested, starting to reach for the hem of my shirt.
I stepped away from her quickly, running into the side of her car. "I told you, I'm not gonna have an accident!" My face flushed a deep red as I realized I may have said that a bit louder than I'd meant to while standing in the middle of the parking lot.
"Calm down, Penni," Jen said softly, her hand drifting up to rub my shoulder, before moving slowly down my arm. "I was just joking. I wouldn't check you out here, I promise." I stared up, doubtful, until I decided she was likely telling the truth. She wouldn't check me here, because there weren't enough people around.
"-Do- you need..." she started, only to break off as my eyes narrowed at her. "All right, all right, just making sure," she soothed, before I could yell something else to embarrass myself. I might not have been as offended by the implication that I -might- wet myself, like she obviously wanted me to, if my bladder wasn't starting to feel full again, filled up with apple juice from breakfast I should have known better than to drink.
"Let's go inside, okay?" Her hand had reached mine finally, started to pry my fingers apart to slip its way inside.
"Fine," I sighed, since it was probably better to go along willingly than have her pull my arm off when she went anyway.
Jen smiled down at me, an expression I countered with a pout I continued to wear as we crossed the parking lot, a little slower than we had last time, hand in hand, Jen with my diaper bag slung across her shoulder. It wasn't precisely early anymore, but there still weren't too many cars around to worry about yet.
The man at the door gave me a smiley face sticker, and I stuck it in my ladybug pocket, to put with the rest of my stickers when I got home. He wasn't the same man who was usually at the door - he looked older, but he still had some hair, even if it was white, and his glasses looked a little thicker.
"Thanks," I said, after getting a nudge from Jen.
"She's a little cranky today," Jen explained to the man, who nodded, like he knew what she was talking about. He couldn't have, of course, since she didn't even. I wasn't cranky, I was angry, and there was a big difference.
"I'm sure she'd be a lot cuter with a smile on her face," the old man said, kneeling down in front of me. "Wouldn't you?"
I tugged on Jen's arm, trying to make her move. It wasn't fair that it was so easy for her to do that to me, but half the time when I did it, she didn't seem to even notice. "Let's go," I finally spoke up, since it seemed to be one of the latter times.
"Penni!" Jen shook her head. "Sorry," she shrugged at the man. "You know how kids can be."
"That I do," he smiled.
"Penni, why are you being so rude?" Jen hissed down at me as we walked through the second set of doors, and she picked up a basket. "He was being nice to you."
"I already have a bunch of those stickers," I informed her.
Jen rolled her eyes. "Penni, that's not the point. You're acting like you're two years old."
"Isn't that what you want?" I asked defiantly.
Jen sighed, didn't answer me. I actually found myself smiling at my victory until I realized that it did nothing to get me out of my predicament.
As we passed through the store, I couldn't help but be reminded of the little girl I'd seen at the mall the other day, walking hand in hand with her mommy, diaper peeking out from the bottom of her dress. More specifically, I couldn't help but think that Jen had turned me into that, although I was grateful for my pants, and the fact that I wasn't exactly in diapers, even if that wouldn't be the case for long.
Had the little girl known, somehow, what I was going to become? That soon, I was going to basically become her equal? Was that why she had been looking at me? I'd heard of people who could see the future, but most of them, or the ones who made it on TV anyway, were a lot older than she was. Even they had to start out somewhere, though.
I couldn't remember exactly, but now that I was thinking about it, I could have sworn I heard her laughing as she walked away, obviously pleased with my fate. The moon must have been getting desperate, I decided, to start selecting opponents so young for me. I should have felt glad I had him so worried, but instead, I felt a little insulted, mostly embarrassed she had done such a good job of getting to me.
Embarrassment was starting to be a constant feeling in my life, every new humiliation reminding me of all the others I'd suffered through and thought "How could it be worse?" only to find myself in the middle of something that was. I shouldn't have been surprised by it any more, since I knew well enough Jen's plans, yet each new thing brought a blush to my cheeks all the same.
Which is exactly what happened when I looked up from the floor - the best place to keep my eyes to avoid noticing all the people who were likely staring at me as I'd stared at the moon-corrupted baby, somehow able to see through my clothes to the Pull-Up underneath, even if I couldn't see any signs of it myself through my jeans and T-shirt - and found myself standing at the head of the baby aisle.
Fear gripped my tummy as color flooded my cheeks, and I tried again to tug at Jen's arm, this time with the intention of getting free, running away into the store. Wal-Mart is a big place, and I bet I could hide in there forever if I wanted to, getting food from the McDonald's in the back when I was hungry, and playing with all their toys the rest of the time. It could be a fun life, and if mommy and daddy wanted to see me, they could always come visit. But not Jen, because she wouldn't be invited.
Jen, of course, didn't seem to notice, just continued down the aisle, her pace slower than before as she looked around at all the stuff on the shelves. My pace was even slower than hers, as I struggled to keep my feet firmly planted on the outside of the aisle, as if stepping in would immediately set off some sort of alarm that would tell everyone in the store what we were there for. As far as I know, that didn't happen, but the fact that I was dragged into the aisle rather than stepping into it might have had something to do with it.
Seeing that I couldn't get away, or resist, I began to follow Jen willingly, stomping beside her as loud as I could manage, glad I hadn't worn my sandals today. They weren't nearly as loud as my tennis shoes, which I'd never played tennis in.
"You know, that's probably just drawing more attention to you," Jen said after a minute of looking at various bottles of stuff, some of which she put into her basket.
"Is not." I stopped anyway, in case she was right, although I didn't see anybody else around. I was a little curious about what she had put into the basket, and a little afraid at the same time. I could see the packages of diapers on the shelves right in front of us, stretching on for what seemed like miles.
And then, mercifully, we stopped short. For a moment, I thought Jen had a change of heart, that she was going to put back all that stuff she'd picked up, and we could go home and pretend none of this had ever happened. Instead, she picked up a pacifier from the shelf above my head. "You know, maybe I ought to get you one of these, if you're going to be all pouty and whiny all day," she teased.
I stuck out my tongue at her, but I was glad to see her set the pacifier back down, perhaps a little reluctantly, before perking up almost immediately as we moved forward into the hoard of diapers. They seemed to press in from all sides, pictures of babies smiling at me from every package, laughing at me. I pressed close to Jen's side, forgetting for a second she was the reason we were here.
She appeared to know exactly what she was looking for, led us straight to it. "Look, sweetie, these have Blue on them!" she exclaimed, bouncing my arm up and down.
If she expected me to get excited over a diaper, she was sorely mistaken. "So what?" I asked sullenly, even though I did like Blue's Clues. Still, it wasn't Blue on TV, it was Blue on a diaper, and that was completely different. I didn't want to seem happy about any aspect of this.
"Let's see... Those Pull-Ups were the middle size, and they looked a bit small on you," Jen mused, once again ignoring my attempt to break free. Somehow, having her speaking about diapers out loud made it all seem worse, even if it was a perfectly normal thing to speak about in this aisle. "So, if we get the biggest size diapers, they should work perfectly, right?"
She was picking up the back even before I listlessly shrugged at the question. "The little girl on this package looks kinda like you," Jen commented. "Except not as cute."
I forced myself to glance at the diapers. I didn't like seeing any of the packages here, but that one was the worst, knowing that they were going to be mine. Actually looking at them made it seem all the worse, even before I noticed that Jen was actually right.
"She looks happy," Jen continued.
She did, which was kind of weird, since she didn't look as much like a baby as the kids on the rest of the packages. She didn't even have her diaper showing, like the rest did.
"Why don't you look happy, too?"
My eyes flashed upward towards her face, not caring that she was using her teasing voice again, not caring that I was in the middle of the store. "Because I'm not a baby!" I shouted at her, yanking my hand free at last and reaching into her basket to pick up a bottle. I noticed it had Baby Powder written on the side before I threw it as hard as I could back down the aisle. It didn't go nearly as far as I wanted it to, and I stomped my foot in frustration, my face red with something that, for once, had nothing to do with embarrassment.
I reached into the basket for a second bottle, this one clear and saying Baby Oil, only to be stopped by Jen's hand clamping back over mine. "Do you really want to throw a tantrum here?" she asked sharply.
I did. I wanted to sit down in the middle of all these diapers and kick and scream until Jen realized how unfair all this was, until she gave in and put back all this stupid baby stuff, and forgot all about that promise.
I didn't. As I stood there, fuming, I could feel the will to actually do any of those things draining away. Jen wouldn't care if I spent the rest of the day yelling at her; I could tell she wasn't backing down, had known it all morning but couldn't admit it. It wasn't worth it.
I felt tired, worn out. My tummy was starting to feel ready for lunch. I had to pee.
"No," I said quietly.
"Good," Jen picked me up in her free arm, kissed my forehead before I rested it on her shoulder with a sniffle. I felt her moving me around a little, pressing me against her side with her hand on my bottom. I barely noticed we had started moving until I heard Jen's voice again. "Can you grab me some of those baby wipes, sweetie?"
I lifted my head, and, not feeling up to protesting, reached over to the shelf beside me, like a good, obedient little girl, and gave Jen another tool for her to use in my ultimate humiliation. Strangely, I found myself almost smiling when she said, "Good girl." We turned around, and Jen set me down so she could bend over to pick up the baby powder I'd thrown.
She held out her hand, but instead of taking it, I held up both of mine. Jen smiled and picked me up again. As I wrapped my arms around her, and rested my head against her, I almost felt... if not quite happy, then content. I was probably just tired, I decided, and asked to be put back down when we reached the end of the baby aisle.
"You are one weird little girl, you know that?" Jen asked as she took my hand and we started for the front of the store.
"Not as weird as you," I reminded her. After all this had been her idea, not mine.
As we approached the checkout lanes, I saw that the store seemed to have gotten much busier than when we'd entered. There were people in every lane, and, though they all acted like they were in a hurry, none of them were going anywhere very quickly.
The line Jen chose for us was the worst one, of course, and, from the back, looked to be the longest. I almost wondered if we had somehow ended up in a movie, and this was one of those scenes where everything went way too slowly. Except here, it was everything except me, who would have started to feel very bored by being the only person moving at regular speed if my bladder didn't feel so full.
I bit my bottom lip, tried to keep from bouncing up and down too obviously, hoping Jen wouldn't notice, but, from the seemingly permanent grin on her face after looking down at me, I don't think I succeeded. The doors to the bathroom were right in front of our lane; if I could just wait long enough, and the rest of the line didn't take forever to buy their stuff, it was just a few steps away.
Sure, Jen had said I had to use my diapers. But I wasn't wearing a diaper. I was wearing a Pull-Up. She never said I had to use those. It was only fair, then, that I be allowed to use the bathroom.
I tilted my head up towards Jen. "Can I go to the bathroom?" I asked, pointing over to the door. "It's right over there..."
"Sweetie, we talked about this, remember?"
I'd been expecting that, and I immediately began to explain to her what I'd just realized, excitement at having outsmarted her again amplifying my voice. "Nuh-uh! You only said I..."
I quieted down as the woman in front of us turned around, at first looking annoyed before smiling at me. I blushed and pressed closer to Jen, imagining the entire store staring at me for that outburst. "I'll wait," I said quietly.
And wait I did, for what seemed like eternity until finally, finally, it was our turn.
"Hey, cutie-pie," the cashier bubbled at me as she scanned my diapers. I hadn't realized it until then, but it was the same cashier we almost always went to - she was probably a little older than Jen, I guess, and, I decided, prettier, too. And she seemed a lot nicer, because she was always in a good mood. She also always called me cutie-pie, which I didn't mind too much usually. But this time, to hear her say it while holding those...
"She's a little shy today," Jen laughed as I tried to hide behind her when she let go of my hand to open a pocket on the diaper bag and fish out some money.
The cashier waved at me as we left - she always did that, too - but instead of waving back, I grabbed Jen's hand, almost before she had picked up our bags, and did my best to rush her towards the bathroom while there was still a little hope. All I had to do was get in there, and explain things to her as fast as I could.
After all, how could she argue with my perfectly infallible logic? She couldn't. I had won, at last, even if the prize was only a temporary pardon. It was better than nothing.
I just had to make it to the bathroom.
Chapter Eleven
"So, you see?" I finished triumphantly, grinning with the brilliance of me. "I don't have to use this stupid old Pull-Up, I can use the potty like a big girl, and you can't do anything about it!"
I stuck my tongue out at Jen, planting my hands on my hips, waiting for the inevitable. She couldn't deny my logic, no way, all she could do was get out of the bathroom stall and let me enjoy my victory, before I ended up peeing my pants, like I was feeling more and more like I would with every passing second.
It seemed a strange place to win myself this right, standing in the handicapped stall of the bathroom, Jen in front of me, busy transferring things from the shopping bag into the diaper bag, putting them in and then taking them back out as if trying to figure out the best way to put them, the diaper changing thing on the wall right next to me. I was actually looking forward to seeing that opened, to be perfectly honest. I had always sort of wondered what the inside of one looked like.
Of course, I hadn't been expecting to be the one being changed on it when I finally got to see.
Jen stood there for a minute, pretending to be all thoughtful. I knew the truth, though - she was just trying to take as long as she could to answer, just like she'd taken as long as she could to lead me from the checkout lane to the bathroom, even with me tugging at her arm to try to speed her up. Well, if she thought that was going to be all it took to outsmart me, she was sorely mistaken! I would show her... Even if my bladder felt like it was going to explode.
The bathroom was empty except for us, but still the stall door was closed, not that I was complaining. There was a steady drip, drip from one of the sinks outside the door, definitely not any help to me in my struggle. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, it was still there, seeming even to be getting louder, like it had gotten inside my body, echoing in my mind before moving its way downward, through me, heading for my bladder, where I knew there wasn't enough room for even another drop.
I bit down on my bottom lip a little harder, wishing I hadn't thought of it like that. Wishing more so that Jen would admit I'd won this time, and get out, before the dripping found its way. I could almost feel it, now, moving down my throat, clogging out any words I might have uttered to encourage Jen's immediate departure, heading towards my tummy.
Jen set her bags down on the floor, brought a hand up to her face, where a finger tapped slowly, ever so slowly against her lips.
"Jen, come on!" I begged as my throat cleared, letting loose my desperate words. Clear of my throat, the dripping zoomed through my stomach, sure of its way now, knowing right where to go. It didn't even give me time to react before it found its way to its destination, taking up residence there. I winced as I waited for the inevitable.
Drip.
True to my expectations, I could all but see my bladder bulging out with this, too full, and thus sending a drop into my waiting Pull-Up. I winced, fought to keep it at that, just a drop - no big deal. I'd had worse accidents in my normal panties, as much as I hated to admit it, at the movies, when I waited too long to run out of the theater, not wanting to miss anything important.
Drip.
Another drop, absorbed quickly, as if it had never been, into the padding around my bottom. But I knew it -had- been, and that was what mattered. I wasn't going to let it happen again. No matter what. But, as I stood before my big sister, squirming, I wasn't sure how long I could keep that resolution.
Jen's mouth began to open, at last. Hope flooded through my body, giving me the extra strength I needed when the next drip echoed through the bathroom. Until I noticed the curve her mouth was taking as it opened, and I saw her smile beginning to form, not a smile of congratulations to me for having outsmarted her, but one that told me I had, in fact, not done any such thing.
"Hmm... Well, We'll see," she said.
Then she was beside me, her fingers darting to my sides, to my tummy, tickling away. Sometimes, if I knew it was coming, I could actually keep from laughing when I got tickled, at least when my feet were left out of it, as they mercifully were now, since they were being shielded by my shoes. I didn't see this coming, didn't have any warning.
The sound of the dripping faucet seemed to fade away, replaced with my own giggles, as I tried to squirm away from the assault, tried in vain to stop laughing at least. No matter which way I moved, Jen's hands were there first, relentless.
I gave out a gasp as I felt a warm spot growing around my bottom, as my aching bladder sighed in relief. Jen moved her tickling hands away, but by then it was too late for me to do anything but stand there and finish wetting my pants in front of her, while she watched with a smirk, satisfied once again that she had beaten me.
I couldn't speak for a minute or two, just stood there in shock, as the warmness began to fade, none too quickly. My jeans felt a little tighter, I thought, struggling to contain my now soaked Pull-Up.
"You... You cheated!" I sputtered finally, eyes flashing.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Jen lied calmly. "Did something happen?"
I glared at her, unable to even fathom replying to that.
"Did my sweet little sister have an accident, perhaps?" she asked as she took ahold of the changing thing on the wall, and pulled it open. It was very disappointing, and rather boring, just a white, plastic shelf, the only interesting part the picture of a baby koala in a diaper adorning the back.
I felt gypped. All this time, wondering what it could possibly look like, and that was it?
Even so, I was so busy staring at that, I barely noticed Jen was beside me again, having already unbuttoned my jeans, and starting to pull them down. I looked down, curious despite myself, a blush invading my cheeks at the sight of the soggy, saggy Pull-Up beneath.
"I guess so," Jen said, unconvincingly feigning surprise.
"You cheated!" I repeated, pulling my jeans back up, although I wasn't sure what I meant to accomplish with that.
"I don't recall ever saying anything about tickling," Jen smiled innocently, before returning to her fallen bags, pulling out some sort of large mat from the diaper bag and spreading it over the changing table. "Take off your shoes for me."
"Well, from now on, you can't," I sulked, following her instructions, letting her pick me up and set me on the edge of the ledge, the wet feeling growing stronger as my padded bottom met the plastic, so she could take off my jeans and hang them over one of the metal bars going around the stall.
"And when do you get the power to make rules?" Jen asked, amused, while she picked me up and slid me back a little further onto the shelf, setting my down onto my bottom before gently pushing my chest, making me lie back.
Not sure what to say to that, I pouted instead, until coming up with a less than satisfactory, "Not fair." I folded my arms across my chest and sulked.
Jen had the package of diapers in her hands by then, halfway through ripping them open. I could smell them from where I lay, fidgeting, partly from my wet Pull-Up, mostly from the butterflies that had just hatched in my tummy at the scent. It brought back... not memories, precisely, but flashes of them, moments of experiences long forgotten, feelings - mostly happiness, strangely.
It reminded me that I was going to be in a diaper in a few minutes.
The package opened under Jen's fingers, revealing the tops of the diapers, all lined up in a row, underneath. She pulled out a handful, set them next to my head. I eyed them nervously, then more so as she took out a second handful. Jen saw my eyes, giggled.
"I'm not wearing all of those, am I?" I asked nervously, hoping not. The Pull-Up had seemed thick enough, but it was nothing compared to all of these... I had never been around a baby getting changed, though, and I wasn't sure exactly how it worked.
"Not all at once," she assured me as she took out the last of them, set them down, then picked up one. "You want to look at it?" I shook my head, blushing to think she actually thought I was interested in them. She shrugged, picked up the diaper bag, pulled out the two bottles and the baby wipes from before, started piling in the diapers. I wasn't expecting them all to fit, but somehow, they all vanished inside, as easily as the package they'd come in disappeared into the trash can in the corner behind my head.
All but one.
"Tell you what," she said, pushing my T-shirt and away from where it had fallen when I laid down, mostly hiding the yellow-tinged training pants. "I promise not to tickle you... Too much." But, with her final words, she began to tickle my tummy anyway. I giggled, squirming around on my back.
When she tired of that, her hands moved to my Pull-Up, gently slipping in between it and one of my legs. It ripped open under her fingers, as did the other side a moment later.
The box of baby wipes opened with a snap, the first wipe peeking out from the hole in the center, looking almost like one of those thin, soft little clouds. Jen grabbed it, pulled it out, folded the front of my Pull-Up down.
I jumped a little as the wipe touched my skin, surprised at the feeling it brought, cold and slightly wet, hardly better than the feeling it had replaced.
"Sorry," Jen laughed as I shot her another offended look, continuing to use the wipe anyway, and then another, lifting my bottom a little with one hand. She slipped the Pull-Up out from under me, wipes sitting in the center, set me back down while she folded it up and threw it away.
She unfolded the diaper, the scent from before invading my senses again, bringing back the almost memories. She slipped one end underneath my bottom, let me settle back down onto the padding. It was a little thicker than the Pull-Up had been, though not by as much as I'd expected. It felt a little softer, too, I thought as I wiggled my bottom a little, greeting my ears with the soft sound of crinkling.
The baby oil was next, an even weirder feeling than the wipes, though it was cold as well, and a little slick and slimy. Jen lifted me up, turned me over, and I turned, craning my neck as far as I could to see baby powder falling against my bottom, white and gentle as snow, before Jen flipped me back the right way again, and powdered my front. It did smell nice, I had to admit, but even more babyish than the diapers had, if only because it was much stronger.
She wiped off her hands on the sides of her jeans, smiled down at me. "Almost done," she said, in case I hadn't noticed her reaching for the top of the diaper.
She pulled it up gently, and through my legs, which spread apart on their own, like they were used to this. It settled down over my front, where she had sprinkled all that baby powder, probably more than I really needed, although I could only guess, since I wasn't sure what it was for besides making me smell the part of a baby. She smoothed the diaper down, the padding pressing down around me from all sides now.
Jen taped up one side, reached over for the other, pulled it tight around my bottom. Taped it closed.
And then it was done.
There I lay, a supposedly grown-up seven year old, wearing a diaper I'd - however reluctantly - agreed to be put into. Jen was standing over me with a grin I hadn't seen in years, utterly delighted with this humiliation.
"Perfect," she breathed, as if she was afraid speaking too loudly would make it end, take me back to what I used to be. "You are..." she began, then paused, searching for just the right words. What she came up with sounded like "...absolutely adorable!"; I can't be sure, since she spoke them as she picked me up and twirled me around in a circle.
"No, I don't," I blushed.
"If you say so," she winked, finally setting me back down and picking up my pants. The diaper felt thicker, now that it was closed, sealed, inescapable.
I let her tug my jeans up my legs and then lift me down from the changing table and pull them the rest of the way up, while I attempted to get used to this new feeling, surprised to find that it wasn't quite as horrid and I'd feared, although I still wasn't happy about it. I was less happy about the next words that came from Jen's lips, however.
"Uh-oh."
Those were never things I wanted to hear from her, especially when I knew they were in relation to me. I looked down quickly, trying to see what had happened, and saw her pulling my jeans back down.
"What are you doing?" I asked, alarmed.
"Sweetie..." she started gently, already trying to calm me down. Not a good sign. "Your jeans... They don't fit over the diaper." She had the good grace to blush at this "mistake", even as she folded up my pants and stuffed them into the diaper bag, following them up with the rest of the stuff still sitting up on the changing area.
I didn't even know what to say. Yelling seemed like a good idea, except it wouldn't make my jeans bigger, or my diaper smaller. I tugged at the bottom of my T-shirt, which felt like it was getting smaller as I stood there, too shocked to even cry.
"What are we going to do?" I asked, voice choked and small, having to fight its way through the gigantic knot that my stomach had turned into.
"There's only one thing -to- do," Jen said, her encouraging tone working to calm me down a bit. "This is nothing to worry about, I promise."
"But what are we going to do?" I asked again.
And Jen smiled.
"We're going to get you some new clothes." |
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Elizabeth
Site Admin
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 172
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| Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:10 am Post subject: |
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Chapter Twelve
"Ow!" I shouted, a little delayed, hardly even having noticed what happened until then. I didn't notice that it hadn't exactly hurt, either, my butt having been saved from the worst of the impact by the diaper wrapped around it. Well, that was at least one use for it...
"You okay?" Jen asked, trying not to laugh at the shocked look on my face as I sat on the floor of the bathroom stall, one of my shoes in my hand, the other resting beside me.
"I'm fine," I glared at her, climbing back up with a blush, resting my elbow against the wall again, trying to find a position that wouldn't dump me back onto the seat of my diaper once I was on one foot trying to put my shoes back on again.
"Here, let me do that," Jen rolled her eyes and picked me up to set me back down onto the changing table, though when I saw her face, she was smiling. "Give it here." I handed her my shoe, lifted my foot to let her slip it on, pull the strings tight.
"That's too tight," I complained.
"You don't want them falling off, do you? Or having them come untied so you trip over them in the store? Because I don't know that your shirt is long enough to cover that cute little diaper of yours if you fall over." I stuck my tongue out at her, yet I didn't complain again. It wasn't until she had my second shoe on that I started to wonder how I was going to fall if she was holding my hand, as she had been all morning.
"You ready, babe?" she asked, setting me down.
"Do I hafta?" I blinked up at her with a pout, hoping she would take pity on me, let me hide until she brought me new, bigger pants.
"Penni, I'm not leaving you in the bathroom by yourself," she told me, like it was some stupid idea. What could happen to me in the bathroom? Yeesh. "Besides, do you really want me picking something out for you all on my own?"
That, on the other hand, was quite the good point, not that I expected to be given much control over what she bought for me, because, hey, I was just going to be the one wearing it - it wasn't like I mattered that much.
Jen opened the stall door and walked to the sink, turning on the water. I was a little slower, glancing back and forth across the bathroom, just in case anyone had come in after we had, was waiting for me to step out so they could see me in my diaper. I found myself tugging down at my shirt again before stepped out of the stall with a seemingly thunderous crinkle, even with the tiny step I took, trying to get used to the bulk between my legs.
"Penni?" Jen's eyebrow was raised as she wiped off her hands on a paper towel. "You coming?"
"Yes," I muttered, took another step, small, feeling like I was waddling. Jen sighed, leaned back against the wall as I slowly approached, growing more accustomed, though not much, to my situation. I got up onto my tiptoes to squeeze out some soap onto my hands, rubbed them together and lifted the faucet with my elbow to turn it on.
Jen handed me a paper towel once I was done, which I noticed as my hands waited inches away from my sides. She shoved it at me before I could wipe off my dripping hands on my shirt, so I took it, dried myself, threw it away, and suddenly found myself lifted, pressed against Jen's side, her hand on the bottom of my diaper.
"I can walk," I insisted, even though I didn't particularly feel like walking around the store any more.
"You could, if you want to be in here for the rest of the day," she teased, reaching forward to swing open the bathroom door. "But I thought you might want to get home before mom and dad do. Unless you don't want to get changed before that, of course."
"I wouldn't take all day," I said with a pout, intending to keep it on my face for a few minutes, only to have it erased, replaced with a giggle, as Jen tickled my tummy, and I squirmed against her arm.
"Hey, calm down, or I'll drop you," she warned, not giving me time to tell her not to tickle me, then, before going on. "And at the rate you were walking, we'd be lucky if you just took all day to cross the store. It'd probably be more like all week."
I sulked. "Well, you try walking in a..." I cut myself off with a blush, looking down at her shoulder so I could pretend all the people around weren't there, hadn't almost heard me admit my deep, dark secret, hoping they couldn't guess anyhow. "Put me down," I said after a minute as I tilted my head back up, saw all the people, every one of which appeared to be staring straight at me.
"Hmm?" Jen glanced down at me, clearly not paying any attention.
"Jen, put me down," I repeated, starting to struggle against her arm.
"Penni!" Jen scolded, doing her best to keep her iron grip around me secure.
"I want to walk," I protested, pushing away from her. "I don't need to be carried!"
"Fine, whatever," Jen sighed, giving in at last. "It's too bad they don't rent strollers here, like at the mall."
"I am -not- riding in a stroller," I told her firmly, setting her straight, letting myself have the illusion that she might actually listen, for once.
"You aren't today," Jen agreed. I stared up at her suspiciously, but she quickened her pace a little, forcing me to move faster as well, or be trapped on the other side of the sea of people she was crossing through. I was so busy trying to make sure neither that nor my arm getting pulled from its socket by Jen happened, I barely noticed the difference the diaper made in my walk, although it still made me waddle a tiny bit even when I didn't realize, barely hear the normally ear-bursting crinkle it made.
"You're walking too fast," I complained as she turned a corner, taking us straight into a jungle of blouses and skirts, dresses and jeans, all more Jen's size than mine, pressing in on us from every side. By the time I'd finished, Jen had already slowed down, making my comment feel a bit out of place and pointless.
"You're walking too slow," she countered. "Which is why I was carrying you."
"My legs aren't as long as yours," I pointed out, but decided to let the subject drop before I convinced myself that having Jen carry me really was the better idea. Instead, I started searching for the corner of the clothes section where they kept all the makeup. It appeared to have gotten up and went somewhere else, however, because I didn't spot it before I found myself standing in the middle of the kids' section of the clothes, a starry eyed Jen letting go of my hand as she gazed around dreamily before rushing off towards the nearest clothes rack.
"Jeans are over here," I called, torn between edging towards them to hide and hanging by her side to keep her from picking -everything- the store had for me to try on.
"Oh, don't be so boring, Penni," she replied, picking up a short yellow dress with a pair of shorts or something for underneath, floppy hat attached to the front of the hanger. "We have all these clothes to choose from, and you just want to look at jeans?"
"They're what I was wearing before," I grumbled to myself. Not that Jen cared. Not that she cared what -I- wanted to wear now. She was caught up in her little fantasy world, picking out new outfits for her sweet, obedient baby sister, who never protested or complained, and was even happy to let herself get dressed in whatever new thing caught her big sister's eye.
Well, that was all it was - a fantasy. I marched over to her, grabbed at the yellow dress, only to have it swish out of my fingers' grasp. "Those are going to fit," I told her. "And I don't want to wear that," I added, referring to another dress, this one all rainbow colored, which wasn't bad, except it was even shorter than the yellow one. She had a couple other dresses now, too, even some that may have been the right size for me.
Jen paused for a moment, nearly enough time to give me hope, almost making me believe I'd broken through to her, and we could throw down those dresses and find me a pair of jeans, and just get out of there. Jen turned, holding the dress up, smoothing it out against me. It looked like it might actually fit, surprisingly, except for the skirt ending far too close to the top of my diaper for comfort.
"Looks perfect to me," she teased, moved on to another rack, keeping both dresses draped across her arm.
"Jen, the jeans are over there," I reminded her, tugging at her sleeve.
"What about these pants? They're much better than jeans." Jen smiled as she picked them up. They were sky blue, capris with darker blue ties at the bottom of the legs, actually kind of nice. I was too shocked to tell her I would be fine with them, and why can't we go now, until I saw why she had liked them - the word 'Cutie' written across the rear.
"They'd be perfect for you, she gushed, grinning at the blush spreading across my face. I couldn't wear those! Especially not now... I didn't want people trying to read them, and noticing my diaper underneath. And people would definitely try to read them, since the letters were all glittery and pretty. Sure, they would be covered up this time, since my shirt went down further than them, but what if people could see them somehow anyway? Then again, if they could do that, they could already be looking through my shirt, to the diaper underneath, laughing under their breaths at me as they moved down the aisle between the girls' clothes and the boys', on their way to the grocery section of the store.
I blushed, tried to hide behind Jen without her realizing what I was up to. She was looking at a jumper now, a tan one that was actually a combination of jumper and skort. Compared to her other choices so far, it wasn't too bad. I'd have to try to convince her to choose it, not that my opinion would make much difference in her ultimate decision. She seemed to like it too, though.
And then she found the shortalls. They were denim with pink running down the sides of the legs and up the shoulder straps, the word Princess across the front surrounded by a flower underneath and a crown above, and another flower on the left pocket and they look at them. She picked up a pair, love in her eyes. I had to admit they weren't too bad, either, though the pair she held were pretty small, a fact she noted quite sadly.
"They have bigger sizes," I pointed out while she ever-so-slowly set the hanger back in its place, as if taking her time saying goodbye to a dear friend going on summer vacation.
"Those don't have these, though," she sighed, pointing to a row of snaps I hadn't noticed before, running along the inside of the legs.
"What are those for?" I asked, confused why they would make a difference, although Jen's answer, or, rather, lack of, made me curious.
"Oh, nothing much," she'd shrugged, digging through the shortalls to find the biggest size with the snaps. A sad sigh escaped her lips when she found it, her eyes flickering from it to me doubtfully. "Well, maybe," she said doubtfully, adding it to her stack of clothes. She got a bigger size, too, without the mysterious snaps.
She decided I would need a different shirt for under the shortalls, if that's what we ended up getting, and, by the tone of her voice, I began to suspect they would be, and we dug through a bunch of cute tops, what seemed like at least half of them ending up across her arm. She spent a while in the skirt section, too, picking out a few that were almost certainly too short, and a few I liked all right.
At last, she glanced at everything she'd picked up, appearing slightly surprised to see how much was there. "Maybe we'd better start trying some of these on, huh?" I shrugged listlessly, preparing myself for another afternoon of playing dress up for Jen, wondering how many more 'just one more thing!'s I'd hear this time.
The teenager sitting at the desk in front of these dressing rooms looked even more bored than the one at the mall had been, barely even noticed us until we were nearly at our little room. "You can only have six items in there at a time," she said quietly, voice so low I couldn't quite make it out, though Jen apparently could, as she left me standing alone in front of the door, nervously pulling on my shirt, to talk to the girl.
"Can I leave the rest of these with you, then?" she asked, counting out the top six things on the pile and holding the rest out.
"Whatever," the girl shrugged, so Jen set them down on the corner of the desk, then, after a second thought, started sliding my diaper bag off of her arm.
"Can I leave this here, too? Those changing rooms are pretty crowded..." Another shrug, and the bag dropped to the ground with a soft, crinkly thud. I would have wished for it to be stolen and taken away forever, so that there wouldn't be any new diapers for Jen to put me into, but my second favorite pair of jeans were in there, too, and I wasn't sure I was willing to sacrifice them. Besides, Jen would probably just get another package of diapers anyway.
"Thanks," Jen smiled, politely, but it soon grew as she saw me standing there, waiting for her. "Well, let's go see what you look like in these," she said, giving no indication that she was going to hand the clothes over. I don't know why it had taken me so long, but it wasn't until then that I realized she intended to try the clothes on me herself.
I hadn't agreed to this, but, standing there in my diaper and T-shirt, after having let her put those on me without any kind of protest (well, not for the T-shirt anyway), I couldn't bring myself to say no, to protest. To remind her that she had claimed to know that I wasn't really a baby, especially since that might provoke her to buy a pacifier after all. So I said nothing, just walked into the dressing room and let her dress me up to her heart's content.
I couldn't help but wonder if maybe this was why she'd done it, if she had known that putting me back into diapers would get her favorite doll back for her. Jen -was- kinda smart, really, and she does know me pretty well, probably more than I wanted to admit. That was one explanation, anyway, though there was another, much more tragic one - Jen had lost her mind, and really thought that I had turned back into a baby.
Either way, Jen was having a blast, bringing all her wonderful finds in six at a time, leaving me standing in just my diaper, hiding in the corner of the room so nobody could peek in and see me, while she went to get the next batch. For a while, I thought, worried, dreaded, that she was going to just get me one of the shirts we'd found, nothing else, as those were what she gushed over the most as I stood in front of her with what felt like a permanent blush on my cheeks as I stared at my fidgeting, sock clad feet.
Not even the pants she'd liked so much were as cute, apparently, since they committed the horrible sin of covering up my diaper. My dream from the night before began to return to me as she stood there, contemplative. Not all of it, just a brief part, not even words to go with the pictures.
I'd been in the ballroom again, although it was mostly abandoned now, all the chandeliers hanging useless and unlit, leaving the place a dark, twisted maze, empty table scattered about precariously, some overturned, some with food still spread out across them. I made sure to watch out for the spinach, which I suspected was still loose somewhere, as I made my way through, moving silently and carefully, just another shadow.
Because there was somebody else there, someone familiar, though I couldn't put my finger on why just yet. She was wearing a dress, however, and waiting on the platform where the moon had arrived to the ball, staring upwards expectantly.
I crawled under a table, one I was sure had been hiding the entrance to the stars' prison, but there was only darkness there to greet me, too complete for me to know for sure if this was the one or not. I felt the floor in front of me frantically, wishing I had brought a flashlight or something, when suddenly, a soft light began to flood in from under the tablecloth, revealing a smooth surface underneath me.
I almost said thank you to the bearer of the light, but luckily my senses returned to me first, and instead I peeked out from under the tablecloth, and found the moon sitting up on the pedestal again, speaking with the figure who had been standing there before, the figure who turned out to be the same person who I returned to reality to find sliding a dress on over my head.
Jen. I'd never believed she was working for the moon, and I still didn't. But she very well could be working with him. After all, he'd given her the perfect opportunity to do me a favor I'd have to repay when he made me wet my pajamas, and she was well on the way to turning me back into the baby she wanted me to be, hardly hero material in the least. Not only would he have his revenge on me for ruining his ball, he would have me out of the way, too busy being diapered and dressed up to fight him.
I glared at Jen suspiciously, trying to glean the truth from her mind as she finally came to the two pairs of shortalls. She tried the bigger pair on me first, nodding with approval to see that it fit, and probably even more so to see that it was a little big on me. Then she tried the second pair, I'm sure mentally crossing her fingers as she slipped them up my legs, over my diaper, lifted up the front and tried to attach the shoulder strap.
"Shoot." She stared sadly at the too-short strap, looking as if she'd lost her best friend. For a moment, I thought it was over, and we could just get the other pair and go, since she'd seemed to find them cute, yet in that moment, a revelation came upon her in a flash, and she started to fiddle with the straps. She tried again.
That time, they went over my shoulder, down my front, to their buttons, and, finally, snapped into place. "Perfect!" she exclaimed, though she still turned me around a couple times, looking me over, and made me sit down in them before repeating herself, this time adding, "Good thing these gave you plenty of extra space for your diapers."
I thought we'd be done then, but I was, unfortunately, quite wrong, since Jen had to go back through all of the shirts, trying to decide which one went best with the shortalls. Finally, she settled on a pink one with a bear on the front that she claimed was from a TV show that I'd never heard of. The bear was made of little rhinestones, but sadly mostly got covered up. It also had black trimming around the ends of the sleeves, and along the bottom, where there were two bows, one on each side, which -were- visible through the sides of my shortalls.
"Say thanks to the nice lady for watching your bag," Jen instructed as we left, holding our - or rather, Jen's - choices, leaving the rest in a pile on the desk.
"Thanks," I said shyly, hoping she hadn't looked through the bag while we were busy, unless she had then recognized my plight, and taken away all the diapers to help me out in my battle against the evil forces of Jen, and the moon. The bag appeared to be just as full as when we'd gone into the dressing room, unfortunately, though at least she also didn't act like she knew I was in a diaper.
"Yeah, thanks a lot to you, too," she muttered under her breath as she started to sort through all the clothes we'd left behind, shooting both of us dirty looks as we walked away.
Chapter Thirteen
The trek back to the front of the store didn't seem to take nearly as long, although I'm not sure if that was because I was walking faster, so as to get changed all the more quickly, or if I wanted to get out simply so we could go home and get some lunch. Of course, Jen might also have been walking slower, so pleased with her so-to-be purchases she was willing to take her time to gaze at them some more. Either way, for once we were both walking at the same speed, without the need for arm pulling on either side, or for one of us to be picked up and carried like a baby we most certainly were not.
As we finally cleared the vast forest of clothes, finding ourselves back in the native wilds of the rest of Wal-Mart once more, I at last spotted the cosmetics counter - which I also just remembered the correct name for then, and felt rather proud of myself for doing so - where it had apparently migrated back to the spot I was sure I'd been looking for it earlier.
Despite the ever expanding hole in my tummy, threatening to spiral out of control and suck the rest of my body inside and leave me all inside out and still hungry, I exclaimed, "Let's go over there, Jen! Please?"
Jen sounded eager to get out of the store now, too, I guess since she'd already sucked out all of its potential for humiliating me. "Why do you want to look at cards, sweetie? Nobody's birthday is coming up..."
I rolled my eyes, unsure if she was joking. "Not there, -there-." I pointed this time, smiled hopefully up at her, all butterflies and innocence. "Just for a minute?"
"Penni, you don't wear makeup," she reminded me, like I could have forgotten that particular unfairness.
"I wanna go look at nail polish," I announced, made my eyes go wider, until I was afraid they would fall out of their sockets and bounce around on the floor like little rubber balls. "Please?"
Jen didn't seem to care about that risk I was taking, and just sighed. "You can't have nail polish, sweetie, you know that."
I tried to keep my grin from being too apparent, feeling a little like Jen, the thrill of seeing my bait taken coursing through my veins as I let the trap fall. "But you told me that when I was a baby, you used to paint my fingernails all the time," I reminded her sweetly. "Don't you want to do that again?"
I knew she did; I could see it on her face, as the memories flooded back to her, and she imagined them anew, with a grown-up me replacing the little baby. How could she resist? And yet, somehow she did, at least a little. "I'll think about it, okay? Maybe if you're good, I'll let you use some of mine tomorrow."
I waited, hoping for more, although I wasn't sure what. Sure, it was a victory of sorts, a bit uncertain but at least something, if not what I was looking for. "All right," I agreed reluctantly, seeing that it was all I was going to get.
We went to a different register this time, one that belonged to an old lady with white hair who squinted at us from behind her glasses, probably barely able to see us even then. I'm not sure why Jen didn't choose our regular checkout lane, though it was fine with me she hadn't. The girl there had seen me before, wearing jeans and standing shyly by while my big sister bought diapers. What would she think to see us coming through again, me now without pants, buying a new outfit? I was sure the only thing that could come into her mind was what had really happened, and she was nice, so I didn't want her to know that. Not that she probably hadn't already assumed the diapers were for me. Why else would we be getting them?
"Have a nice day," the old woman creaked.
"Oh, we will," Jen smiled, picking up the bag and leading me to the bathroom again, a bathroom I wondered if I'd ever be able to use for its intended purpose again. I wouldn't have minded doing so right about then, although I didn't have to go too bad yet. Maybe I could hold it until we got home, and Jen got bored of all this. Or, more likely, until mommy came home, and Jen had to let me out of my diaper anyway. Then again, that would depend on where else Jen was planning on taking me first.
"Here," she said, shoving the shopping bag and diaper bag into my unsuspected arms, making me stagger backwards a step or two in surprise, and I struggled to find a good way to hold both of them. "Why don't you take the tags off your new outfit, okay? And if anyone tries to take you, scream or something."
"What?" I blinked, confused for a moment, until finally it dawned on me. "I wouldn't mind going to the bathroom, too," I told her, pouting.
She grinned, patted my bottom with a crinkle. "Go right ahead, babe." I blushed as she vanished into a stall, quickly losing myself in peeling size stickers off of my shortalls and putting them onto the side of the shopping bag, hoping the woman who had just walked over to the sink hadn't heard Jen's suggestion. The actual tags I couldn't get off any more than I normally could, at least without leaving the little plastic loop attached.
I hadn't even noticed Jen's re-emergence until I heard her voice saying, "That's a good girl," beside me at the sink, and I jumped a little, glared up at her for surprising me like that. She just smiled, took the shirt out of my hands, snapped the tags off - though it did take her some effort to do so, too, so I didn't feel quite so bad - and handed it back to me before leading me back to the handicapped stall.
Jen was a little surprised herself, though mostly disappointed, to find my diaper still dry when she tugged my T-shirt off over my head, folding it up and hiding it away in the diaper bag. My stomach growled a little as she pulled my new shirt down, her expression worrying me again that she might decide I didn't need more than a shirt and a diaper after all.
"Sounds like somebody's hungry, huh?" I wasn't sure why, but it made me blush a bit, even though it was hardly the worst thing I'd been asked that day. "I am, too," she confessed as she saw my cheeks reddening. "We'll go get something to eat as soon as we get out of here."
"We aren't going home?" The thought hadn't occurred to me before, that Jen might want to take me out to eat all dolled up.
"You don't really want to wait till that long, do you?" I shook my head reluctantly, letting Jen slip my shoes off for a second so I could step into my shortalls. "I thought we'd go to Fazoli's."
My tummy, what was left of it, lurched suddenly, and I stared down at my new outfit, currently having its shoulder straps fastened up.
"What's wrong? I thought you liked it there." Jen lifted me up, pulling the ledge back out for a place to set me while she put my shoes back on.
"What if I get sauce all over myself?" I asked quietly, knowing full well that if I got just about anything there, that was invariably what would end up happening. And then Jen would probably get mad at me for ruining the clothes she'd just bought me, and who knows what she'd do to me then?
But she just smiled mysteriously, the kind of smile that made me feel very nervous. "Oh, I don't think you'll need to worry about that, sweetie." She surveyed me with a critical eye, reached out to straighten one of the legs on my shortalls. "Looks great!" she announced. "You know, maybe you should wear this for dad when he gets home, 'Princess'." I didn't think it was a bad idea, but the glimmer in Jen's eyes told me she was joking, even if I couldn't figure out why.
I had to admit I felt a lot better as we stepped out of the bathroom the second time, knowing that my clothes couldn't accidentally get short all the sudden now and reveal the bottom of my diaper to the world. Of course, the slight bulge around my bottom was probably just as obvious, but I wasn't sure if I was imagining it or not.
Our usual cashier waved at us as we emerged, and this time I waved back, hoping she wouldn't remember I'd been dressed differently before. She hadn't seen us buying my new clothes, after all, so maybe she wouldn't. The old man at the door waved to us, too, so I returned the favor, wondering if he and the old woman who'd sold us my outfit were married. They looked like they might be the same age, at least as far as I could tell, and they both worked at the same place. And they both told us the same thing as we walked past - "Have a nice day!"
Fazoli's was luckily pretty empty when we arrived, just a few groups of people, most of them around mommy and daddy's age, sitting at the back surrounded by a halo of smoke, mostly eating quietly except for one table, and another woman sitting up in the section closer to the registers with a little boy around my age. I quickly ducked behind Jen as I saw him, but when I peeked back out, I realized he wasn't from my class after all, although I wasn't sure he didn't go to my school.
"You know what you want?" Jen asked, extracting me from her leg so we could walk over the the register once I nodded, having made my decision in the car, and feeling rather proud of myself for coming up with something I liked, and that I wouldn't have to worry about being too messy with. "Well, tell him."
I glanced up to see the teenage boy watching me and Jen, blushed shyly and looked down at me feet as I asked, "Could I get a pepperoni pizza kid's meal?"
He didn't seem to understand, since Jen repeated me when she ordered her own food. "Would you like me to take a high chair over to your table?" he asked casually, handing Jen a pair of cups.
Before I could protest, Jen answered with a, "That would be great. I think we'll sit right over by the window," and pulled me over to the drink machine to ask what I wanted.
"I don't need a high chair," I told her, trying not to be so loud that the boy, who was seated just a few tables away from where we stood, could hear - not that he wouldn't see me sitting there in a minute - but still trying to get my displeasure across.
Obviously, I did a poor job of it, as Jen continued pouring drinks and collected lids and straws and utensils, ignoring me until we got to our table. "Jen, c'mon," I pleaded, putting on my best pout, which was still not good enough to keep Jen from picking me up, sliding me down into the high chair, reaching around to strap me in. "I'm not gonna fall out," I informed her sulkily.
"If you keep fidgeting like that, you will," she shrugged, happily flipped the tray down over my head, slid it back into place, imprisoning me even more thoroughly. I squirmed in the seat, crinkling loudly as I moved across the plastic lining, hoping it would somehow recognize that I wasn't a baby and let me out.
It just stood there, steadfast, keeping me trapped within it's admittedly comfortable embrace, helpless as Jen unfolded the plastic bib that had come with it. "I don't need a bib," I tried to explain, even though I knew by then it was futile to try to tell her what I did and didn't need. "I got pizza, 'member? Not spaghetti or anything."
"It's just in case," she claimed, tying it around me neck and straightening the front. "You were the one who was worried about getting your new clothes all dirty, weren't you?"
I glared at her over the top of my cup as I took another thirsty sip, wished for the kazillionth time she wasn't so dang good at turning my words, and actions, and everything about me, against me, or at least that I could learn to do the same to her to get more than just the possibility of using some of her nail polish. And even that she'd most likely find a way of making me regret I'd ever asked for.
If -I- was the big sister, I wouldn't be so mean, I knew. I'd take my little sister to get her ears pierced, and instead of forbidding her from touching my makeup, I'd be nice and teach her how to put it on. And I certainly would never make her wear diapers, and eat in a high chair in a bib just because I liked to pretend she was my very own doll.
But, no, Jen had to be born first, and screw everything up. What did she know about being a good big sister? Absolutely nothing. There had to have been some kind of big cosmic mistake that mixed the two of us up. It was the only explanation, or at least the only one I felt like tolerating just then.
"That looks like our food," Jen suddenly announced, getting up to go to the counter, returning balancing a tray of food. I reached out for my plate, stomach growling, only to have the toy that came with my meal placed in my hands instead.
"Jen, gimme my food," I pouted, struggling to rip the plastic around the toy apart.
"Here." Jen took it back and opened it easily, letting the contents fall into her hand and then onto the tray of my high chair. It was a robot head, made mostly of clear plastic, other than its features, which were red, and its mouth would open and close with the press of a button on the bottom.
"I want my food," I repeated, pressing the button a couple of times.
"Just a minute, sweetie," Jen said, picking up a knife and fork and putting them to my slice of pizza.
"What are you doing?" I tried to lean forward, to retrieve my plate, but the tray locked around me and the strap on the seat kept me from doing more than accidentally knocking my robot head onto the table.
"I'm getting lil' Penni's lunch ready for her." She put my toy back onto the tray, clearly amused, though I wasn't sure if it was with me or herself.
"It's already ready for me," I protested, barely able to keep myself from throwing the head at her, since it was about the only thing I could do from the chair, other than try to kick her. Since I didn't want to risk her keeping my toy for herself, I gave it a shot, but my legs weren't long enough to do anything more than bang against the edge of the table.
"Be careful, babe," she cautioned with a smile. "You might need those legs someday."
I glared at her, seething in my high chair, wishing I could rub the sore spot I'd just created on my leg. I couldn't even see my leg, but I was sure it was bruising already, a big, black spot spreading across my flesh, and Jen didn't even care. She probably even wanted it that way, so she'd have an excuse to carry me everywhere, since I surely couldn't walk with my leg all injured, maybe even broken.
I took another sip of my soda, only to find my cup feeling rather light. Seeing an opportunity to keep at least part of my pizza intact, I took another sip, and another, downing the rest of my soda as fast as I could. I quickly spoke up, my voice sounding a bit more like an order than I'd intended as I said, "Jen, get me more to drink!" I almost thought she would say no, so I added in a sad little, "Please?", so she'd see I wasn't being impolite.
"Aren't you the thirsty little girl today?" she smiled, standing up and taking the cup from my outstretched hands. "I just got you that, didn't I?" But she looked strangely happy at my having downed the drink so fast, though no as glad as she was to get me some more. I very rarely drank more than one cup of anything at a restaurant - this was a desperate time, however, and it called for desperate measures.
As soon as she turned her back on me, I reached behind me, searching the smooth plastic of the back of the tray, searching for some way to get it loose. I ran my hands up and down, unsure where the tray ended and the chair began, finding absolutely nothing useful. Finally, I gave up, tried again to reach across the top of the chair and table, to grab my plate so I could start eating, filling up my still growling belly.
My arms were still way too short, so I tried to throw myself against the front of the high chair, trying uselessly to scoot it closer. I growled softly at it in frustration, kicked its legs with the heel of my foot, which only made my foot hurt. "Come on," I begged quietly, and then tried to push forwards again with a grunt.
"What are you doing, babe?" Jen asked from behind me, her eyes a bit worried, mostly amused.
"Nothing," I sulked, leaning back in my chair, resolving not to touch my drink, even though I'd made her get up to get it for me.
I picked my robot head back up, clacked its teeth at Jen, who didn't even notice because she was back to cutting up my pizza for me. I imagined the head getting bigger, and bigger, until it could snap off Jen's head like nothing, and then I would put it on Jen's neck so it could get me out of the stupid high chair, and drive me back home, and get me out of this dumb diaper. Mommy and daddy might get mad, but surely even they knew it would be a better big sister than Jen. And if not, it could snap off their heads, too, and we could come back here to get some new ones.
I realized I was still a little thirsty, and reluctantly picked up my cup, taking another sip, trying to ignore my bladder - which I was pretty sure didn't have a chance of lasting until we got home, or even finished eating - in the hope that my robot would start to get bigger sometime soon. When I glanced at it again, laying on its side on the tray, I thought it might look a bit larger already.
"Hurry up," I whispered to it, then went quickly shut up when Jen tilted her head towards me, curious. "I wasn't talking to you," I informed her, sticking my tongue out, and went back to sulking. |
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Elizabeth
Site Admin
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 172
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| Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:11 am Post subject: |
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Chapter Fourteen
The stupid robot refused to get any bigger, and I was bored of just clacking its teeth in Jen's general direction, since she didn't particularly appear to care anyhow, so I decided to risk losing it, picked it up in my hand and launched it at Jen. It shouldn't have been that hard to hit her - she wasn't very far away. My aim, as always, wasn't very good, however, so it clanged off the wall beside her, falling to the floor beside her chair.
Her head shot up at the sound; she glanced at the wall, to me, then back at the wall, eyes finally drifting downwards. "I'll be done with your food in a minute, Penni. Can you be a good girl and be still until then?"
I thought about telling her no, I didn't want to be a good girl, not for her, but I was sure I could already hear whispers behind me, from the table with the boy who might or might not go to my school. I could feel his, and his mommy's, eyes on me, burning a hole through the back of the highchair, though probably not a big enough one to help me escape.
I didn't want them looking at me anymore - the more I thought about it, the more I was sure, absolutely positive, I had seen the boy somewhere before. If he kept staring at me, he'd know for sure who I was, and then everyone in school would know, and I'd be even less likely to have new people talk to me, unless they were playing a quick game of house at recess, and wanted a baby.
I tried to sink down further into the high chair, but the strap around my waist kept me from slipping down too much more than I was already before it started pressing my diaper uncomfortably tight against me. I tried again to get the tray loose, jiggling it as hard as I could, managing only to knock my drink over, although I was quick enough to pick it back up before too much could find its way out of the straw hole. I busily occupied myself drinking some more, attempting to stare through the lid as Jen mopped up what had spilled with a napkin.
"Penni, can you sit still for two minutes, please?" she asked, her voice starting to sound more annoyed than amused.
"You could just give me my pizza," I pouted. She was almost done with it now, yet it was still salvageable, perhaps.
"In a minute."
"You just said two minutes," I reminded her. "Has it been a minute already?"
Jen rolled her eyes. "Maybe we should go back to Wal-Mart and get you that pacifier after all."
That shut me up as she finished up her work, leaving me to squirm crinkily in my seat and drink. I knew I probably shouldn't, but it wasn't like I had much of a chance of keeping myself dry much longer anyway, and it kept me busy doing something that wouldn't provoke Jen into getting me any more baby stuff.
"Here you go!" she announced, grinning proudly, as if she had done some great deed, lifting up my plate. "Do you want some parmesan cheese?"
"Don't care," I shrugged, eyes fixed on my poor pizza, cut carefully into little bite-sized pieces.
"Well, I don't care either, sweetie." I shrugged again, nodded finally, watched my plate slowly consumed by a blizzard - Jen was almost as generous with the cheese as she'd been with the baby powder.
"That's fine," I told her at last, reaching out for the plate before she thought of some new way of ruining it. I apparently wasn't fast enough - she then blew softly over the little pieces, and, lifting the plate over my hands, set it down on my tray.
"Don't want my baby girl to burn her mouth," she smiled, setting the knife and fork she'd used to cut up my pizza to one side - the side further away from me, as if my arms were long enough to reach them on the other side of her plate - and picked up her own fork, started to dig into her alfredo.
I watched her, waited, in silence. She didn't seem to notice, however, so after I minute, I was forced to speak up. "Jen, gimme my fork."
Jen glanced at me, lifting her napkin to her chin to wipe off a drop of sauce. "Sweetie, I don't think you're old enough to use a fork. You might hurt yourself."
"Then how am I s'posed to eat?" I demanded, eyes narrowing.
"Since when do you use a fork to eat pizza anyways?" she asked innocently, returning to her lunch, stuffing that satisfied expression of hers with another forkful of pasta. I continued glaring at her, blood boiling, fists balling up into fists, vision starting to blur as tears squeezed out of the corner of my eyes. "Are you going to eat? Your pizza's getting cold."
"No!" I yelled at her, a little satisfied to see her jump, a noddle slipping off her fork back onto her plate. "I'm never eating with you again, ever, because you're awful and horrible, and I HATE YOU!"
I had more to say, but I had to pause, panting softly as I tried to regain my breath for another assault, reveling in the look in her eyes. It's what she got, I told myself, for being evil and mean. She deserved it.
But when she spoke, rudely interrupting the rest of my tirade, her voice was quiet, calm, although perhaps it sounded a bit like it was being forced to sound that way. "That's fine," she told me. "But maybe you should be a little quieter about it, because the whole restaurant is staring at you." She picked up my plate, set it on the table, out of my reach, as if she were afraid I might throw it at her or something, which, I have to admit, I'd seriously considered a moment earlier.
And then I heard the deadly silence which had emerged after my outburst, felt every eye in the place firmly on me. Red flooded my cheeks, and I stared down at the tray, back to wanting to cry. Jen watched me for a minute before starting to eat again. Gradually, other people started talking to one another again, I was sure about the loud little girl in the high chair and bib; I prayed none of them knew me or my family in any way.
The hollow pain in my tummy returned, too. I stared longingly down at the pizza, mangled, but still food. "Jen," I said quietly, though I wasn't sure if it was because of that, or if she was ignoring me, that forced me to repeat myself, slightly louder, before she lifted her head.
"What is it, Penni?"
I fidgeted, stared at the tray again. "I... I want my pizza back. Please."
"I thought you weren't eating," she reminded me, voice cold.
"I changed my mind," I admitted.
"Well, that's too bad." She scooted the plate further away from me.
"C'mon, Jen!" I whined, tummy growling.
"Not until you stop being such a little brat. You were never like this the last time you were a baby." She crossed her arms, waiting, face set and serious.
I wanted to tell her that was because I hadn't been seven, nearly eight, then, but I knew that wouldn't get me my food back. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, not meaning it, or sounding like I did.
Luckily, it seemed to satisfy Jen, or she heard my tummy rumbling again and felt sorry for me. Whatever the reason, she put my plate back in front of me, still without a fork. "And you really shouldn't tell people you hate them, babe. It's not a very nice thing to say."
"Sorry," I repeated, a little more feeling coloring the word that time. She smiled softly at me, reached up to stroke my hair, running her fingers down my arm before returning to her food. I sighed, head tilting down towards my pizza for a long moment, then I picked up one of the pieces, brought it up to my mouth.
It turned out that eating pizza that way was even messier than picking up the whole slice and eating it like that. I wasn't sure quite how I did it, but somehow I managed to sauce and grease streaked around the corners of my mouth, and even across half of my face, and certainly all over my fingers. The bib was still completely unnecessary, but I knew better than to take it off. Especially since doing so would get pizza sauce all over the back of my shirt, since there weren't any napkins within my reach, and I felt awkward broaching the silence that had fallen over our table to ask for one.
I was about halfway done when I felt my first cup of soda make its way into my bladder, and not looking to stop there for long before moving on to somewhere else. I glanced nervously at Jen, still eating quietly, closer to being finished than I was even though she'd had more food. She was almost certainly still angry, I knew, which made her even less likely to let me out of the deal. I would be lucky if she took me back home with her, and didn't leave me sitting in this high chair, trapped in Fazoli's until some kind soul took pity on me.
Of course, they'd probably just end up using me for slave labor in the kitchens, or sell me to an orphanage, neither of which was any more appealing than playing baby for Jen, so I decided it was better not to get her any madder at me.
"Don't chew your fingernails, sweetie," Jen spoke up, surprising me almost as much as realizing I actually was chewing a nail. I obeyed her, for a few moments anyway, but the need to pee felt much stronger if I wasn't distracting myself with that, so I returned to gnawing nervously.
"Penni, stop it," Jen ordered, gently slapping at my hand before moving it away from my mouth, smoothing it down onto the tray next to my plate. "If I catch you doing that again, then you can forget about using my nail polish tomorrow."
I'd been sure I already should be trying to forget about that, so her words made me feel a little better, untwisting the knot that had persisted in my tummy since I'd apologized enough for another piece of pizza. Of course, knowing I couldn't bite my fingernails made it all the more tempting, as my bladder began aching more, and I searched for something to distract myself, without looking at my hands.
Instead, I glanced everywhere else, out the window, where cars were zooming by and people were bustling into the shops across the street, the whole scene bouncing up and down slightly along with my diapered bottom. I started chewing on my bottom lip instead, but it was a lot softer, and not nearly as satisfying. Unfortunately, it was still the best thing I could do, as all my squirming and fidgeting was turning out to be increasingly ineffective, serving only to once again knock over my cup, this time nearly onto my lap.
Jen leapt up, grabbing the cup before too much spilled, and using a napkin to dry off my bib before too much of my soda dripped down onto my shortalls. "Can't you keep anything dry today?" she teased, sounding much more like herself than she had for what seemed like an eternity. "Guess it was a good thing you had your bib on after all, isn't it?"
"I guess," I admitted with a blush.
I don't think she heard, as she was too busy saying, "Oh, just look at you. You're quite the mess, aren't you?", and wiping off my face and demanding my hands to give my fingers the same treatment. I wanted to point out it was her fault I was 'quite the mess', just like everything else was her fault, but I needed my teeth clamped around my lip to keep from soaking my diaper.
But at least Jen looked happy again, pleased to have some new way to take care of me. "Finish your lunch, sweetie," she instructed, sounding satisfied and motherly.
Luckily, before she could see to making sure I did that, we were interrupted by a new voice. "Do you want more breadsticks?" it asked, and I turned to find it attached to a teenage girl, swathed in the smell of fresh bread. "Well, hello, cutie," she cooed as she saw me watching her. I quickly looked back down at my pizza.
"She's precious," she told Jen, who nodded at her with a sappy smile. "Is she yours?"
Jen's expression turned surprised. "Wha-? No!" I giggled a little at her flabbergasted reaction, until she shot me a dirty look.
"Babysitting, then?" The breadstick girl was smiling, too, though I had the feeling I was being laughed at, and not with.
"No. Well, yes." It was kind of fun watching Jen trying to recollect herself, even if she did finish sooner than I'd have liked. "She's my baby sister," she explained.
"Oh, how sweet," Breadstick Girl gushed, my opinion of her falling again. "I have a little sister, too! I wish she was still this age."
I started to open my mouth to ask what 'this age' was supposed to mean, exactly, but only a squeak came out as my bladder tried again to force me to empty it, and I stopped it, only just.
"They're so adorable, then, aren't they?" she asked Jen, not waiting for an answer. "My sister is getting big now, and trying to act all grown up."
"Oh, I know what that's like," Jen grinned, looking at me, fidgeting frantically in my high chair, out of the corner of her eye.
"You'd better enjoy this one while she lasts," Breadstick Girl instructed. I wished she would go away; I didn't like her much at all anymore. I didn't appreciate being talked about as if I wasn't sitting right there.
"I definitely will," Jen assured her, seeming to have gained all of the respect that had drained from me. Unfortunately, it wasn't the only thing leaking out of me, I realized with a deep blush that felt like it was covering my entire body, from the top of my head down to my increasingly warm and wet bottom.
Breadstick Girl turned to me, her stupid grin still plastered on her face. "So, are you being a good girl for your big sister?"
"No," I pouted, not so much caring if the answer fit the question; I just wanted to disagree with her.
"No, huh?" Breadstick Girl smiled, raising an eyebrow. If I could have blushed any deeper, I would have. Did she know? Did she have some kind of big sister sense that told her I was now sitting in a rather squishy diaper?
"She was being a little... loud... earlier," Jen said.
"Oh, that was you?" Breadstick Girl laughed. "You've got quite the set of lungs on you, huh?"
I glared at her; didn't she have some else to do? "Are you Italian?" I asked, sounding a little rude, but not as much as I would've liked to, if Jen wasn't sitting next to me.
"Well... No," Breadstick Girl admitted, taken slightly aback by the question.
"Then why are you working here?"
"Penni!" Jen exclaimed.
Breadstick Girl blinked, frozen, then began to laugh. "Well, aren't you the feisty little thing?"
I stuck my tongue out at her, unable to help myself, before I scooted down as far as I could in the high chair, folding my arms and sulking. Why was Jen the only person I could get angry dressed like this? Why did everyone else insist on calling me adorable and cute and laughing at me even when I tried to make them leave me alone so I could stew in my soggy pants alone?
"Don't mind her," Jen was saying. "She's a little cranky today."
"Really? Never would have guessed."
They shared a giggle before Jen lowered her voice slightly into a mock whisper I could still hear just fine. "I think she needs a change, and a nap."
"I do not!" I insisted.
"I'm sure you don't," Breadstick Girl claimed, but she didn't sound very convincing, even before I saw the wink she gave Jen as she walked away.
"I don't," I told Jen. Sure, it was a lie, and she probably knew it, but I needed to say it anyway, to prove her wrong. Even if she wasn't.
"All right, sweetie," Jen nodded. "Finish your lunch."
Chapter Fifteen
"I'm done," I announced, although I picked up another piece of my pizza and ate it before Jen could glance up from her newly-emptied plate at me, squirming in my squishy diaper unhappily. It was mostly true, anyway - I was a little hungry still, but not enough that I would rather finish than get changed.
"That's funny," Jen replied, the look on her face telling me it wasn't really, "It doesn't look that way to me."
I pouted at her, picked up another piece, stuffed it into my mouth, trying to act like it was more of a chore than it was. "There? That better?"
Jen leaned back in her chair, getting comfortable. "We're not leaving until you finish your lunch, young lady."
I opened my mouth to complain, or to at least tell her to change me first anyway, but the thought of admitting the state of my diaper out loud colored my cheeks red, and froze my words in my throat. So I choked them back down with my pizza, staring down at what was left on my plate. The number of pieces seemed to be growing as I sat there, making me worry I might never finish, and we'd be stuck in here forever.
"Here, let me get you a refill," Jen offered, grabbing my mostly empty cup from my tray as she stood, her own cup in her other hand.
"No, I'm fine," I said quickly, snatching it away from her before she could lift it up out of my reach. I wasn't really thirsty anymore, but mostly I didn't want to be drinking too much if we were going to be here until I finished off the ever-multiplying pizza. Jen shrugged, walked off somewhere behind me. If I could have, I would have tried to hide some of my pizza somewhere to shorten my sentence, but in the highchair, there wasn't really anything on hand, or within reach, to help me.
Nowhere to put my pizza except my plate and my tummy, I thought with a sigh, giving my surroundings another long examination, in the hope that something else would come to me, something that would save me from living out the rest of my childhood here with the evil Jen, and perhaps even more evil Breadstick Girl.
And, amazingly enough, something did. Smiling to myself at my sudden flash of brilliance, I took one last drink of my soda, until I could hear the straw sucking up just air, no matter which part of the cup I guided it into with my tongue, and snapped off the top. Nervously, I twisted around, making sure Jen was still at the drink machine, turned back to put my scheme into action.
My cup wasn't there. I noticed that, had enough time to wonder what had happened, before I saw Breadstick Girl standing beside me, her basket of breadsticks in one hand, my open cup in the other. "Awww, didn't you tell your big sister you were thirsty, honey?" she cooed. "Well, you just let me take care of that for you, okay?"
Before I could protest, she was gone, the smell of breadsticks wafting slowly away, only to be replaced by the sound of her and Jen's voices talking and giggling quietly behind me. I couldn't quite make out what they were saying, nor did I especially want to; if they were going to talk about me like I wasn't present, it was better for me to at least not be close enough to understand.
Moodily, I began to eat again, since there wasn't a lot else I could do. The cup had been my best, and only idea. Well, other than putting the pieces into the pockets of my shortalls, but I didn't want to get pizza sauce and cheese all over my new clothes, not even if it would get us out of here, and me out of my wet diaper, sooner.
Breadstick Girl and Jen obviously had a lot to talk about, although I couldn't imagine what, since they were gone for what seemed an awful long time, during which I managed to eat enough to fill any lingering pits of hunger in my tummy. And still, the plate looked just as full as before, probably more. I was beginning to wonder if this wasn't somehow another one of the moon's plots, to make me eat so much that I got too fat to fight him. It didn't seem very likely, though, if he and Jen really were working together, because what would Jen get out of it? Sure, I wouldn't be able to fight against her, either, but I already couldn't do that. And if I was fat, I'd just be harder for her to carry around.
Had the moon tricked her into doing this? Or maybe he hadn't told her about it at all, only suggested she take me to Fazoli's. But, if that were the case... Did that mean Breadstick Girl worked for him? I wouldn't doubt it. Her job was probably to keep Jen distracted, so she wouldn't notice the amount of food growing until it was too late, and all she could do was grieve over her mistake in forcing me to clean my plate.
"You should have told me your drink was empty, sweetie," Jen said, sliding back into her chair and setting my cup down on the tray. "I don't know everything."
"No kidding," I pouted, pushing my food around on my plate.
"What's that?" she asked, scooting forward in her chair.
"I'm full," I told her, instead of trying to explain the moon's plot, and having her laugh at me like she always did. "Can we go now?"
Jen shook her head. "I'm pretty sure I remember telling you to finish your food, so that's what you're going to do."
"But, Jen..." I complained.
"No, Penni," she interrupted, her voice telling me not to bother arguing with her, her mind was made up. "It's not going to hurt you to actually eat a decent amount for once. Besides, there isn't that much left."
I crossed my arms and sulked at her, doing my very best to seem as adamant in my decision not to eat as she was in hers. She shrugged, relaxed in her chair. "I have all day."
I'm not sure what made me do it - perhaps her insistence on treating me like a baby coupled with the fact that I was feeling quite a lot like one right then, or maybe she just made too good a target to resist as she lifted her cup to her lips. Maybe I was frustrated, and simply wanted to do something bad, since I was already being punished.
Whatever my reasoning, I felt rather proud of myself when I managed to actually hit the side of Jen's face with a piece of my pizza, giggled happily as she turned, a splotch of sauce dotting her cheek. She wasn't giggling, however, and she didn't seem particularly amused. "Penni..." she warned, glaring at me before bending over to pick up the pizza from the floor.
The second time was easier; I almost didn't realize I'd done it until I saw it bouncing off the top of her head. The third missed, landed right next to her hand.
"Penni!" she growled, lifting her head. "You'd better..."
I was still giggling, my hand picking up the next piece of ammunition, when Jen's hand clamped around my wrist, her eyes flaring.
"Penni, stop it right now," she seethed. I tried to take her seriously, I really did - I could see she was plenty mad already - but the sight of her standing there, sauce dribbling down her cheek, only made me giggle harder, until I felt her grip tighten.
"Ow!" I exclaimed, shocked out of my laughter. "Jen, that hurts!"
Her hand stayed there for a moment, then released quickly, like my skin had caught fire under her fingers. "I'm sorry, sweetie," she said quickly, but I just pulled my hand away, rubbing my wrist and staring up at her, a little afraid. "Are you okay?" I didn't answer, so she took my arm, forcing it away from where I had it held against my body, felt my wrist gently. "You're fine," she proclaimed, sounding relieved as she kissed my hand.
We watched each other for a few minutes, neither sure of what the other would do. I could feel tears threatening, did my best to keep them inside. Jen looked like she wanted to do -something-, although I couldn't tell if that was hug me or spank me. In the end, she did neither, just sat down and dropped the pizza onto her plate, reaching for a napkin to clean herself up.
"I'm sorry, Penni," she spoke up after a minute. "I didn't..."
"That hurt," I reminded her, sniffling, maybe a little too dramatically.
"I know it did, baby." She stretched out her arm, trying to brush my wrist, but I pulled it away from her. It was her turn to look hurt, as if I had been the one who tried to break her wrist, although I got the feeling she wasn't particularly mad at me. "Are you all right?" she asked finally.
"I guess," I shrugged. I tried to wait before I continued, though I probably still spoke too soon. "Do I hafta finish my pizza?"
Jen smiled a little. "You have four more pieces, hon."
I started to protest that she obviously couldn't count, and it was more like a hundred; when I looked down, however, it turned out she was right. So, instead, I said, "If I eat any more, I'll explode!"
"You're almost done, sweetie. Don't you want to finish? You don't even have to eat the crust, okay? Just the last four pieces, and then we can go, okay?"
That was good news - it meant we wouldn't really be here forever, which would be as long as it would take me to voluntarily eat pizza crust. It was worse than bread crust, and that was pretty bad. I sighed anyway, hoping it would show Jen just how much I was suffering. She didn't seem to notice, so I forced myself to finish, glancing nervously down at my tummy between bites to make sure it wasn't bulging out like the moon wanted, or like it was starting to feel like it was.
"There's my good girl." Jen was smiling again as she wiped off my hands with another napkin, gave the edges of my mouth a couple rubs. "We'd better go get you changed before we head home."
My eyes shot upward, leaving the napkin hovering in front of my neck as I stared at Jen in amazement, my shock making me ask, "How did you know?" instead of denying it, although I did try that right afterwards, cheeks red.
"Sisters always know," she winked, reaching around me to do something to the tray. It clicked, slid forward easily, as if to mock the effort I'd put into trying to get it off earlier. Had I been right about the big sister sense after all? I was surprised Jen qualified for it, but it was probably something you just got without having to prove you were good at what you did. "Even Rose could tell."
"Who's Rose?" I asked, letting Jen untie the bib.
"She's the person who went around with breadsticks, remember? Didn't you read her nametag?" I shook my head, feeling a little embarrassed. Oh well - Breadstick Girl was a better name for her anyway.
Jen bent over suddenly; I wasn't sure what she was doing, so I undid the strap around my waist, finally freeing myself from the cursed high chair as I lifted the tray up, started to hop down, until I noticed just how far it was to the ground.
"Here you go, babe." Jen handed me the robot head, which I'd forgotten all about, gave the chair a suspicious look. "Aren't we the big girl?" she asked snootily, almost sounding offended. "Guess you don't need my help after all."
If I didn't need her to lift me down so I wouldn't fall and break my legs or something, I would have said, "No, I don't." Instead, I blushed, staring down at my feet. "Sorry, Jen," I said quietly, watching my feet swing back and forth slowly beneath me, realizing then how heavy my eyelids were feeling as I saw my shoes moving back and forth, like a pendulum.
She smiled, picked me up, resting me on her arm as she picked up the diaper bag. "Just don't let it happen again," she warned.
Even though the boy and his mommy were still there, I didn't try to get Jen to put me down. I just leaned against her, idly opening and closing the robot's mouth, not feeling like doing much of anything, much less walking. Had the moon's plan worked after all? Even though I felt like I'd gained about fifty pounds, I was pretty sure I hadn't really, since that would have more than doubled my weight, and I didn't think I looked any bigger.
I started fidgeting again when Jen set me down in the bathroom stall, opening the diaper bag to pull out the big plastic pad, unfurling it over the changing station before lifting me up onto it. "What's wrong with you?" Jen teased, tickling my tummy. "Got ants in your pants?"
"Don't do that," I groaned, pouting.
"Oh, don't be such a drama queen - excuse me, drama -princess-." Jen smirked, apparently proud of herself for being able to read the front of my shortalls. "You know, if you're going to squirm around like that..." She grinned, reaching across me, grabbing ahold of a strap, started to pull it over my body.
"And if you even try to call the police, I'll know," Robber-Nadine told me, grinning her best evil grin, which was really quite good. That was why she always got to be the robber, and I got stuck being the person at the bank. She looped the rope around me and the chair again, then stayed behind me for a minute, tying a knot.
"You won't get away with this!" I said bravely, but not too much. "Crime will never pay, you'll see!" And she would, too, as soon as she started to escape, and I could transform into my superhero self to chase after her.
"We'll see!" she cackled with a final tug on my ropes before dashing away, down the ladder.
"Evildoers, beware!" I exclaimed, standing up, my super strength breaking through the rope, freeing me to go dole out justice. Except, this time, it didn't. I tried to stand, but the rope around my legs didn't fall off, like it had last time we'd played. The rope around my chest didn't either. I struggled against it experimentally.
"Nadine?" I called, annoyed. How was I supposed to catch her if she actually tied me up? That wasn't how the game was played! There was no answer. "Nadine?"
The silence was deafening, so that even the whisper my voice had turned into sounded like thunder bouncing around the empty walls of the barn. "Nadine?" I asked again, tears starting to stream down my cheeks. I waited for what seemed like an eternity, waiting to see her blond head popping back up the ladder to laugh at me. It never came.
"NADINE!" I screamed, struggling against the ropes frantically, thrashing every which way. "NADINE!"
The chair fell over at some point, slamming the side of my body against the dusty floor of the barn, and by the sunlight streaming in through the window, I watched my tears falling down onto the floor, sinking into the wood for what seemed like eternity.
When I had calmed down a little, actually tried looking for the knots themselves, I realized Nadine hadn't tied them very well after all, although I was pretty sure all my struggling hadn't made them any easy to get loose. Still, by the time I was free, it was past lunchtime, and my tummy was growling, and I had started crying again, wondering if I was going to starve to death up there.
That hadn't even been the worst part. That came later, when nobody would believe me about what happened, when Caileigh had gotten so upset at what I'd accused her little sister of that she had stormed off, Nadine following in her wake, smirking, and hadn't talked to me for almost a week. Even though she brought my cookies to make up to me afterwards, I still felt awful.
But not nearly as awful as I felt when I saw that strap moving across my body, clicking into place, tying me down so I couldn't get away, trapping me on the changing table, helpless, the memory of those ropes around my legs, across my chest, of lying on my side and crying almost a year ago springing fresh to my mind.
"Penni, calm down!" Jen tried to soothe me. Only then did I realize I was screaming her name, as I had Nadine's, and how loud I was doing it. "Penni, it's okay, you're not strapped down, see? You're okay."
I sat up a little, my vision blurry with tears, but still good enough to see she was telling the truth. I let my head fall back onto the changing table, still sniffling softly, shaking a little.
Jen stroked my hair gently for a few minutes, until I stopped crying. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I forgot." And she stood there for a while longer, running her hand over my hair, as if she were waiting for something to happen, or me to say something. "I'm not doing a very good job at this, am I?" she asked at last, shaking her head before I could tell if I had seen a tear in her eye, or if I'd been imagining it.
Then she noticed me starting to squirm again, trying to move my bottom away from the cold, soggy padding around it. "Oh! We'd better get you changed, huh? You're going to get a rash if I take much longer, huh?"
She got out her baby wipes, and the baby powder, unfolded a new diaper and laid it next to me. I started to be helpful by trying to take off the first shoulder strap of the shortalls, only to see her take the inside of the legs in her hands, start opening the snaps.
My face burned scarlet as I saw this, saw her fold back the legs to get to my diaper. So that was why Jen had been joking about me wearing them for Daddy! Or, at least I hoped she was joking now. I couldn't believe I had been walking around in them all this time, thinking nothing of it, while they sat there, openly advertising my diapered status to anyone who looked. As if the bulge around my bottom wasn't already... But still...
"There you go." Jen fastened the second tab of the diaper, sealing me inside, before patting the front of it, bringing me out of my attempt to catch up with all the embarrassment I should have faced as I walked out of Wal-Mart, letting everyone see how much of a baby I was.
She snapped the legs back together, although she might as well have left my diaper clearly visible. What difference did it make? I wondered gloomily.
I didn't suggest that to her, of course, fully expecting that, if I did, she'd take me up on the offer. Instead, I let myself be picked up, kissed on the forehead, carried out to the car. The sun was beaming down much harder now; as soon as we stepped outside, I could feel myself growing drowsy, all my worries and humiliations slipping away, as if the sun were burning them out of my mind. I'm not sure if Jen had even unlocked the doors before I fell asleep, warm and full, and exhausted.
I woke up in my bed, dressed once again in my second favorite pair of jeans and the kitty T-shirt I'd been in earlier, though thankfully not the diaper I'd had under them, as if the whole day had been some kind of twisted nightmare. I sat up, a little disoriented, trying to sort out my memories from my dreams. Finally, I just decided that it probably had been, and sleepily ran off to the kitchen to see if mommy wanted any help making dinner.
It wasn't until the next day, after saying goodbye to mommy and daddy and flopping out onto my stomach on my bed to start re-reading Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, hoping to finish the first chapter or two here before taking it to the barn, that I heard my door open behind me, craned my neck around to see what was going on, and saw Jen standing at the foot of my bed, a smile on her face and my diaper bag in her hands. And it was then I realized that, unfortunately, it hadn't been a dream after all. |
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Elizabeth
Site Admin
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 172
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| Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:12 am Post subject: |
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Chapter Sixteen
It was going to be another hot day - I could tell already. I could feel it in my bones, or something, although the forecast on the weather the night before had helped a little, too. The sun was shining brightly on the world outside my window, but without the rain from the day before, it looked harsh and horrid, like a desert I'd seen on television once. I could almost see the grass in our yard shriveling up, all brown and crunchy underfoot, a bit like the floor of the woods behind the barn was in the fall.
Except not nearly as fun. Or as scary, though the two might have been related. The woods were always at least a little scary, looming there, full of all sorts of monsters just waiting for unwary little girls to wander too close. Fortunately for me, they all took fall off, which was nice, because then I could wander through the forest - as long as I didn't go too far and get lost, like I had once - kicking up leaves and climbing on fallen trees and having a good time.
Still, even though I was pretty sure they wouldn't hurt me then, I could always feel the monsters' eyes on me as I walked through, staring at me from wherever it was they were hiding. Sometimes I would make up songs about the leaves I was walking through, to show them I wasn't afraid of them, but Nadine made fun of my voice when I did that, so I didn't do it too often.
And not all the monsters were asleep. Just the year before, I'd been out adventuring with Nadine, pretending we were searching for an ancient, hidden city out in the woods, when I'd almost stepped on a big snake. Nadine claimed she'd seen it before I did, and just wanted to see if I was dumb enough to walk into it, and maybe get eaten by it, since it was pretty big, but I think she was just as surprised as I was when it went slithering away almost right past her.
I probably shouldn't have told mommy about that. Even though daddy said that, since the snake was black, it wouldn't have hurt me, mommy told me I wasn't allowed out in the woods without Jen, or Caileigh, although she hadn't been very happy with me then either for some reason. Not that it mattered, because they were both supposedly too busy to take me, so Nadine and I slipped off a couple more times, without anyone the wiser. Of course, mommy had never been happy with me going to the woods with just Nadine, so I think she was just happy to have a semi-valid reason to forbid it.
But, whether or not mommy still remembered that rule for this year, fall was still months, nearly forever, away. I had almost considered not going to the barn that day, having the feeling that it would be more comfortable laying about the house, where at least there was air conditioning. It just seemed like one of those days that should be spent doing as little as possible, and I was willing to comply, if it was really as hot as I imagined it to be outside. After all, if you got too hot, you could catch on fire - I'd seen that on TV once, too. And it definitely didn't look fun.
That was all before I turned and saw Jen standing beside my bed, setting down the full diaper bag at the head of my bed, starting to unzip it. I considered protesting, but I remembered all the good that had done me the day before, even if I had been hoping it was a dream, so I just put my book down and collapsed out flat on my bed with a sigh.
"Aww, poor baby," Jen teased, then handed me something large and green - my stuffed dragon, Mrs. Ellenstofalix. I glared up at Jen, but took my dragon anyway, hugging her to my chest as Jen spread out the changing pad on the bed beside me and rolled me over onto it, the plastic crinkling below me, like my diaper would be in just a few minutes.
Jen reached for the waistband of my shorts, but even before she had reached it, I had gotten my fill of babying for the day. "Do I hafta wear them again?" I pouted, staring up at her with wide eyes. "I thought you said it wouldn't be all the time!"
"This isn't all the time," Jen said, although her hand didn't move any closer to me. "Besides, I thought we were going to paint your fingernails today after we got you all nice and diapered up."
Oh yeah. I had forgotten about that, probably since I didn't think I had qualified as enough of a 'good girl' the day before. I started to chew on my fingernail, the one on my pinkie, trying to decide if it would be worth it to get to wear nail polish, only to have Jen slap at my hand.
"Though if you keep doing that, you shouldn't expect me to offer again anytime soon."
"Maybe I don't wanna get my nails painted anyway," I huffed at her, glaring.
She shrugged. "Well, that's your choice, sweetie." Then she smiled, yanked my shorts down around my ankles. "But you're wearing diapers either way."
"No fair!" I cried as she snapped open a diaper and slipped it under my bottom.
"Life rarely is, babe." Jen bent over to kiss my forehead, gave my tummy a quick tickle as she straightened up to pour what seemed like half the bottle of baby powder on me. I couldn't think of anything to say to that, so I just continued to sulk and hug Mrs. Ellenstofalix while she finished diapering me, taping it shut tightly, as if to remind me I couldn't escape. She slipped my shorts and panties off of my ankles, took away my panties, tugged the shorts back up around the diaper after I pouted at her when she acted like she wasn't going to.
"Now, isn't that better?" she grinned, lifting me down to the floor and mussing up my hair, giggling as I tried to fix it one-handed, attempting to come up with something that expressed my feelings better than the simple "No," I ended up using. "Well, I think it is," Jen shrugged, not appearing too upset to hear I didn't agree; guess it wasn't much of a surprise. "So, what do you want to do today? I thought we were going to paint some little girl's fingernails, but apparently she doesn't want me to anymore, so I guess we'll have to figure out something else to pass our time."
"Yes I do!" I exclaimed urgently, pouting for added emphasis. "Please? I promise I'll try not to bite my nails!" I was already in diapers, I might as well get some good out of this.
"Are you sure?" Jen asked. "You sounded pretty serious earlier..."
"Please?" I repeated, eyes wide and sweet and innocent.
"Well, if you insist," she gave in, smiling. "Let's go see what I have, okay?"
"Okay!" I nodded, racing to her room and scrambling up onto the chair at her desk, so I could see all the little bottles of nail polish she already had lined up there. She had all kinds of colors, more than I would have imagined. I almost felt mad at her for having so many, and not sharing even one in so long, but at least she was now. That was something, anyway. I barely realized I was still holding Mrs. Ellenstofalix as I gazed over them, though when I did notice her, I positioned her on my lap so she could look, too.
"What about this?" I asked, picking up a bottle, light green, almost the right color to match Mrs. Ellenstofalix's scales. Or fur, rather. I'd always thought dragons were supposed to be all scaly, like the snake I'd seen, until I met her, and saw she was all fuzzy. And warm, and comfy to cuddle up with, even with her hard, plastic eyes.
Jen gazed doubtfully from the polish to me. "I... guess. I don't think it's quite your color, though. Don't you think pink would be cuter?"
"I don't care, 'cause I want green," I told her with a authoritative nod.
"All right," Jen shrugged, kneeling down in front of me and taking the nail polish. Instead of opening it, however, she set it down on the floor beside her, and all of the sudden reached up to the soles of my feet and started tickling.
I immediately squealed, probably a lot louder then I realized, and dissolved into giggles, trying to pull my feet up under myself in the chair, which turned out to be a lot harder than I'd anticipated while laughing so hard. Luckily, Jen went easy on me that time, was satisfied after a minute or two, although it felt like much longer. I almost expected her to keep going until I wet myself, which, even without a too pressing need to go before she started, still likely wouldn't have taken long when it was my feet being tickled.
"That's not fair," I panted, too busy trying to catch my breath again to pout at her as I wanted to. "You're mean."
"I know," Jen smiled softly, reaching up to stroke my hair. "Tell you what - I'll paint your toenails, too, to make up for it, all right?"
"Okay!" I bounced up and down happily, my lack of air forgotten in the excitement. I'd never, ever had my toenails painted, not even when I was a baby! Or, if I had, Jen hadn't told me about it.
Jen laughed, scooting the chair a little further away from the desk and shaking up the bottle. "You're going to have to sit still, though, hon, or I'll end up painting your whole foot."
So, I did my best, forcing my legs not to keep swinging, as they always seemed to do automatically whenever I sat in a chair. I even managed to keep my hands from fidgeting too much, even after Jen took Mrs. Ellenstofalix away, setting her on the desk so she wouldn't get any nail polish on her. Although Jen seemed to be painting each nail pretty fast - a lot faster than I remembered being able to do myself, and doing a much better job than me, hardly getting any on my fingers themselves - the whole thing took forever, and I thought I just might explode from sitting so still so long, even if I had been squirming a little bit. Jen didn't seem to mind to much, a smile smiling touching the corners of her mouth every time she heard my diaper crinkling under my shorts.
"Finally!" I cried with a long-suffering sigh as she finished up my last nail and began to put the lid back on the polish. I started to hop down from the chair, only to be caught before I hit the floor, set back down.
"You're not going anywhere, babe. That has to dry first."
My mouth dropped open as I stared at her, searching her expression for any sign she could be teasing. I didn't remember this taking soooo long. How had I stood it? "How long?" I asked finally, resigned to my fate.
"I'm not sure," she shrugged nonchalantly, like it was no big deal. "I'll let you know when it's done." Then she got up, started to walk out of her room.
"Jen! Where are you going?"
She turned, looking amused. "I'm just going to go vacuum the living room, sweetie. It'll just take a minute."
I sighed, watched her leave, and started to swing my legs again, glad at least to not have to worry about hitting Jen with them. My eyes drifted downward, following my feet as they moved back and forth, back and forth, the most interesting thing in the room. Or at least the most interesting thing I could get to, marooned here on this chair. I couldn't even reach Mrs. Ellenstofalix, even if I would have wanted to risk getting her fur all messed up. The desk seemed so far away now, like an island out in the middle of the sea I was drifting away from on my raft.
"How could you do this to me?" I pleaded to Mrs. Ellenstofalix, as she waved to me from the shore, her tiny wings fluttering softly in the light sea breeze.
"It's every girl for herself, Penni," she apologized with a shrug of her shoulders. "There's only enough food here for one of us!"
"Only because you eat too much," I mumbled sulkily, starting to cross my arms before I remembered the wet paint there. If she just ate less, her wings would probably even work, and then she could have flown us out of there, like any good dragon would have.
"Just look on the bright side," she called. "Maybe you'll run into land before you starve!"
Suddenly there was a sound that could almost have been a vacuum cleaner, but not quite, because it was obviously the sound of sharks circling underneath me. "Mrs. Ellenstofalix!" I shouted, scooting back a little and pulling my legs up onto the raft.
"I'm sure they're friendly," she assured me, not sounding very certain. "I've heard that only freshwater sharks like to eat dragons."
"Well, that would be good news if I were a dragon," I pouted.
"It's hardly my fault you aren't," she shook her head. "No need to get mad at me."
"I'm only mad at you 'cause you're the worst dragon ever!" I told her, sticking out my tongue at her horrified expression.
"How dare you?" She ruffled up her fur, offended. "I hope those sharks -do- eat you! And I bet they will, because I've also heard that nasty little girl is their very favorite food!"
"You're making that up!" I tried to pull my feet closer to my bottom anyway, making sure none of my toes were hanging over the edge, where they could be snapped off by passing sharks. Luckily, as quickly as they had appeared, they vanished without a trace, leaving the sea silent for a minute.
"Penni, who -are- you talking to?" Jen asked, striding across the water calmly.
"Nobody," I blushed, returning to her room. "Can I get off the chair yet?"
Jen bent closer to me, glancing at my nails. "I don't know, babe."
"But Jen..." I whined. "They look dry..." I started to test the paint with the tip of a finger, but Jen snatched my arm gently and pulled it away.
"You'll mess it up," she warned.
"How will I know when they're dry?"
Jen tapped a finger on her lips thoughtfully for a moment before answering. "When your diaper is wet, I bet your nails will be dry."
My eyes narrowed and I hopped down from the chair, smelling a scam, and knowing I had been right when Jen broke and started to giggle. "You're mean," I reminded her, retrieving Mrs. Ellenstofalix from the desk, even if she was mean too, since she wasn't bad enough to deserve being stuck in here with Jen.
I didn't realize just how mean she was until I had returned to my room, tossing my dragon onto my bed, and looked down at my shorts thoughtfully. I wanted to go over to the barn, but if Nadine was there, I didn't want my shorts to look too puffy, and the bulge under these was a little too noticeable for me. As I dug through my drawer, I found my jeans from the day before, right on top, where I'd put them after changing into my pajamas.
I don't know what came over me - suspicion, I suppose, though maybe just plain curiosity - that made me decide to try them on, but something did, and I found myself kicking my shorts off onto my bed, not quite managing to land them on Mrs. Ellenstofalix's head, so I could pull them up, getting a sad little thrill to be dressing myself, after spending all of the day before being dressed up.
The diaper did make it a little difficult to tug them up around my bottom, and I almost let it go at that, a little embarrassed to have thought Jen might have been lying, but curiosity kicked in, and I began to zip them up, little by little, until the zipper was all the way up, with a lot less effort than I'd been expecting. The snap clicked shut with no problem, and there I stood, wearing the pants Jen had claimed wouldn't fit with my diaper on.
How could I have been so dumb? I berated myself as I took the jeans back off, not sure whether to be more angry at Jen or myself. Jen was pretty far ahead, since she had, after all, made me walk through Wal-Mart in just a T-shirt and diaper, but really, I should have known better than to trust her about something like that.
I was still seething when I walked back out of my room, stomping down the hall in my flip-flops, wearing the same shorts as before, having mostly forgotten about my original mission. Jen was in he living room, flipping through a magazine, so I paused in my tracks to say, "You're awful!" before continuing towards the back door.
"Ooo..kay..." Jen sounded confused - as if she didn't know what she'd done! - but that cleared up by the time her voice rang out again, right as my hand brushed against the doorknob. "Where are you going, sweetie?"
"I'm going to the barn!" I shouted, starting to open the door.
"No, you're not." I turned, saw her standing behind me now.
"Why not?" I stomped angrily, a pout settling across my face.
"You're not going until I change your diaper."
"What?! I'm not even wet!"
She smiled. "Yes, I know. I don't want you going over there until you have, or else you'll be sitting up there in wet pants until lunch time."
I stared at her for long enough to know she wasn't joking, not caring that I could tell I was going to have to pee soon anyway, and I would probably be more comfortable if I wasn't over in the barn, so far away from my dry diapers, when it happened. "Fine!" I shouted, storming back through the house, ignoring Jen telling me not to stomp, slamming my bedroom door and jumping onto my bed stomach first to mope.
I landed on my book, which I had forgotten all about. I was almost glad I was stuck in the house a little longer now, so that I could take something to read with me to the barn, even if it had hurt my chest a little. At least my, "Ow!" covered up part of Jen's "And don't slam your door either, young lady!"
Who had given her the right to run my life? I sulked, pulling the book out from under me and staring at the picture of Alice on the cover. If only there really was some way to go through the mirror, I thought to myself. So far, there hadn't been, at least not with any of the ones in our house. Maybe the Jen there was actually nice, and wouldn't make me wear diapers ever, and would make me cookies whenever I asked for them.
I closed my eyes, trying to think of what my mirror world would be like, hugging the book to my chest.
"I bet I'd have a decent dragon, who wouldn't send me off on some stupid raft," I told Mrs. Ellenstofalix, kicking at her and hitting thin air, too far away for my toes to reach her. "And if the Jen there wasn't nicer to me, I could feed her to it."
Chapter Seventeen
As I rolled over onto my back, book still in my arms, I began to wonder if maybe I was wrong, and had been all along. Maybe I had made it to the other side of the looking glass after all, and just never realized. Maybe I'd found my way through when I was just a little baby, and was so used to it by now that I had started taking everything for granted, until I got old enough to start noticing.
After all, dragons -were- supposed to have scales, and Mrs. Ellenstofalix didn't. But it might not be her fault; the dragon on the "real" side probably did, so how could she? "Sorry," I apologized bashfully. "It's not your fault your a bad dragon, and I'm glad I didn't kick you after all." Even if the only thing that had stopped me was the shortness of my legs.
And here I was, a seven year old girl, in diapers, trying to decide whether to try to keep from wetting them as long as I could, out of principle, or to get it over with and get changed so I could go to the barn. That sort of thing wouldn't happen in the real world! I had to be on the other side - it was the only explanation!
I bet I really was the big sister, since I would, of course, be much better at it than Jen. I giggled at the thought of Jen as a baby, toddling around behind me in her diapers, making baby noises and smiling up at her big sister.
But... If I was in the mirror world, and the other me was in the real world... Which one of us was the real hero? And which world was she supposed to be on? What if I hadn't found my way across on my own; what if the moon had pushed me through, or used one of his minions to, so I couldn't stop him, wouldn't have any chance to stop him? And now he was just being mean to me to gloat over his victory?
Except, if I was so bad at being the hero anyway, did that mean the mirror-me was actually good at it? Had the moon bitten off more than he could chew when he replaced me? Maybe in those dreams I had, I was really her, seeing through her eyes as she actually made some sort of progress towards saving the stars, while I sat here and let myself get talked into being a baby for the sister I should have been older than... After all, the me in my dreams had always been a lot better at most things than I ever was.
I shook my head, which was starting to hurt, trying to get my brain to shut up for a minute. After all, what did it matter if all this was true anyway? If it was, going home would be pointless - the other me was doing more than I could ever hope to. It was better for me to stay here, for her sake, and the sake of the stars, even if it meant doing some things I didn't like.
Things, I thought, wrinkling my nose, like this. I sat up with a sigh, and closed my eyes, trying to imagine I was sitting on a toilet, and not my bed, and that the thickness around my bottom wasn't there. If I didn't have a choice about this, I might as well get it over with before my bladder started hurting. In a weird way, it was a little more dignified to wet my pants on purpose, rather than waiting and having an accident, since one would be inevitable if I didn't.
It took a minute - those were some pretty difficult things to imagine, even for me, especially with the memory of the day before still on my mind - but before too long, I could feel the seat of my diaper growing warmer, and the warm spot growing larger as my bladder realized it was all right to just let go, like the warmth was spreading across my face while I tried to convince myself this was for the best.
My bottom began to cool off, but my face didn't as I stared down at my feet, my pretty toes staring up at me through my flip-flops, as I waited for Jen to emerge and change me. Apparently, she didn't "always know", however, since she never showed up, and I had to eventually venture out of my room and into the living room, where Jen was still looking at the magazine, not noticing my arrival.
I stood beside the couch for a few minutes, still staring down at me feet, trying to work up the courage to open my mouth and admit what I'd done. Luckily for me, she was almost done with the magazine by then, and when she set it down, she saw me standing there, face still red and tilted towards my nervously fidgeting feet. Her big sister sense was at least powerful enough to pick up on the wet diaper hidden beneath my shorts then.
She smiled. "Go wait in your room, sweetie, I'll be there in a minute."
I nodded shyly, retreated, sitting gingerly on the edge of my bed, until Jen came in, carrying not only my diaper bag, but some new - though only to me, since the still mostly dusty appearance it had identified it as likely another artifact from the attic - thing, a big tan cylinder looking thing that she set down next to my bed. I glanced at it nervously, trying to figure out what this new contraption could possibly be for.
"It's not going to hurt you," Jen laughed at my worried expression. "It's a diaper genie."
"It doesn't look like a genie," I said doubtfully. Weren't they supposed to be blue and floaty, and funny, with gold bracelets? It didn't even look like a lamp.
Jen shook her head, still laughing. "It's not a real genie, Penni. That's just what it's called."
"If you say so," I narrowed my eyes skeptically. If it was a -diaper- genie, did that mean Jen could wish for me to turn back into a baby for real with it? But if she could, why hadn't she done that before taking me out the day before? I was probably a lot more compliant to her evil demands when I was littler, and had even less of a chance of resisting.
"I do," she smiled. "Now lay back." I did, found myself on the changing pad again, not even having realized she'd gotten it out yet. She scooted me back on it a little, so that my bottom and most of my legs were on the pad, then started to change me, giving my tummy a little tickle as she lifted my shirt. Once she had gotten my old diaper off, however, she paused for a moment. "Do you want to see how it works?" she asked.
"Huh?" I blinked, having lost myself again in my thoughts about the real world, where I would be doing this for Jen, and not the other way around.
"The genie, hon." I blinked again, so she rolled her eyes and showed me anyway, lifting up the top and putting the diaper inside, then closing it and twisting the top, in what I guess was supposed to pass for a rub.
I wrinkled my nose, stomach churning a little. "It eats diapers?" When Jen answered with only a sigh, I went on, the ickiness of that thought replaced with a more happy one. "Does this mean we get a wish now?"
"Penni! It's not a real genie, remember?" Jen was starting to sound a little exasperated, but I could tell she was trying not to laugh, too.
"Then why's it called that?" Jen shrugged. "And how come you said you were going to show me how it worked? It didn't do anything! That's boring."
"Why, oh why, didn't I buy a pacifier?" Jen lamented, dodging my indignant kick with a giggle. "Some things just have weird names, Penni, that's all."
"Well, that's stupid," I sulked, letting Jen lift up my bottom to slide my new diaper underneath and start pouring baby powder like there was no tomorrow. "I don't need that much powder," I told her with a pout. "I'm gonna smell like a baby all day."
"That's a bad thing how?" Jen smiled, ignoring my tongue as I stuck it out. "And yes, you do, babe. It's really hot outside."
"So?" That was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard, I was rather sure. What did it being hot have to do with baby powder?
"Look, just trust me, okay?" she said, apparently unaware how difficult it was to trust someone who was forcing you to wear diapers. "There, all dry!"
"Took you long enough," I complained, pulling up my own shorts for once.
"Well, aren't we Little Miss Crankypants today?" Jen teased. "Maybe you should forget about the barn and just take your nap now."
"I don't need a nap!" I insisted, offended. Just how much of a baby did she think I was?
"Really?" Jen raised an eyebrow. "I seem to remember you taking one yesterday without me even suggesting it. And you didn't seem to mind the one the day before that too much, either, once you were done whining about it."
"I didn't whine!" I pouted, wishing I could remember whether I actually had or not. It was true that those naps had been kind of nice... "And I'm not tired today, so there!" I hopped off of my bed, picking up my book and heading for the door before Jen could do anything else. I wasn't quite fast enough.
"Wait a second," she said, freezing me inches from the doorway. "I think you're forgetting something."
I turned, wracking my brain, just in case this wasn't some kind of a trick. "No, I didn't," I replied, fairly certain of myself, though there was still a bit of doubt lingering in my voice.
Jen smiled, opening her arms for some reason. "Don't you think you should thank me for being so nice as to change your diaper for you?"
I glared at her, but, pretty sure she was serious, I walked back over to her and climbed up into her lap, giving her a quick, insincere kiss on the cheek. "Thanks," I muttered, wanting nothing more than to get this over with so I could run out of the house, and get away from her.
"No problem, baby," she cooed, capturing me in a big hug that pressed the book uncomfortably against my chest again, until either I managed to squirm enough to make her let me go, or she got bored and loosened her arms on her own, using them then to lower me to the floor and send me on my way with a pat on my diaper. "Have fun!" she called, but I was already halfway to the back door.
Once I was outside, however, I slowed down, the heat smacking into me like a brick wall, possibly even worse than I'd imagined earlier. If Jen hadn't been inside, probably waiting to spring some new, unthinkable torture on me, I would have turned around right then. She was, so I decided to risk catching on fire, wondering if maybe Jen wasn't so stupid, and maybe the baby powder would help prevent that somehow, and began to cross the yard, stopping off at the swing set and sinking down onto my swing with a crinkle, resting my book on my lap, and staring at Caileigh and Nadine's house, hoping for some glimpse of people lurking inside.
After a minute or two with nothing, I let my eyes drift downwards, to watch the sand slowly moving back and forth under my feet. I started to twist the swing around, letting it go so it would spin me around, making the sand swirl like a whirlwind. I giggled happily, until my tummy started to grow a little queasy from all the spinning, and I went back to normal swinging, eyes lifting tentatively to the still house beside mine.
Was she there? I wondered nervously, stomach starting to jump again. Nadine didn't really like the barn much anymore, but she always managed to pick the worst possible time to show up there. And of all the worst times, I knew, this was the biggest.
I let my eyes fall to my lap, where I was sure I could see the bulge under my shorts growing with every second that passed by, until I had to let go of the chains on the swing to grab my book so it wouldn't slide right off. How could Nadine miss that? I wanted to go back into the house, to change my shorts like I had been meaning to before; what did it matter, though? I didn't think I had any shorts that this diaper wouldn't be obvious in, as huge as it had gotten in my mind.
The sun beat down on my head, making me long for the shade of the barn. Stupid sun, not even realizing that his stupid tests weren't doing any good, since I wasn't even in the right world anymore. Why wouldn't he, or the moon, for that matter, leave me alone?!
But it was just another thing I had to suffer, I supposed, so that the mirror-me would have an easier time. It hardly seemed fair, since she was obviously better at all this, and could have handled it much easier than me. As Jen had told me earlier, though, in one of her rare moments of wisdom, life rarely was. Or it hadn't been so far, at any rate.
I jumped down from the swing with a sigh, deciding to risk the barn. I did my best to sneak past the back door of Caileigh and Nadine's house, afraid that they could burst out at any moment and find me there, eventually breaking into a run when I thought I heard the door opening. Luckily for me, since I ended up tripping over my flip-flop somehow and landing flat on my face in the grass, I had just imagined it, so I scrambled to my feet with a blush and hurried towards the path to the barn.
I slowed down again once I was sure I'd be pretty hard to see from the house, no matter how big my bottom had gotten, and let myself wander off the path, feeling the grass of the field brush against my ankles. I smiled at the feeling, giggling at its ticklish tips running across my skin, and bent down to take off my flip-flops, lowering my feet directly onto the ground, feeling them sink a little, the rain of a couple days before still softening up the soil a little bit.
Mommy wouldn't be happy if she saw me, I knew, walking across the field with my shoes in my hands, instead of on my feet. She didn't like me going anywhere barefoot, even when it was so hot out. She was just weird that way, I decided, sinking my toes into the dirt. It wasn't as much fun as it would have been yesterday, or even the day before, if it hadn't been raining so hard, but it was still a nice, if slightly icky - though that just added to it, really - feeling.
Of course, carrying my flip-flops got boring after a few minutes, and worried that they might touch my book, since they were a little muddy, too, so I put them back on, just barely, enough so that I could try to launch them off with a kick, throwing them ahead of me so that I could race after them and try again. The first time was pretty disappointing, though at first I thought it had been good, sailing way up in the air, but when it fell to the ground, I saw that it had only landed about a foot away.
After that, I got better, mostly. Every once in a while, there was one that would fly up instead of forward, and there was even one that I had to squeak and jump out of the way of, sure it was about to land on my head, although it ended up a few inches off. Those weren't too frequent, however, and I was starting to get pretty good at it again, maybe even better than I'd been last year, when I'd almost even beat Nadine at it before she deemed the whole thing "stupid", by the time my winding path led me at last to the barn.
The door was closed, though that didn't mean anything, since we both tended to shut it behind us when we went inside, to keep out any curious monsters bold enough to venture out of the woods. Or that was my reason, anyway - I'm not sure why she did, even when she knew I was right behind her. I guess she liked to listen to me struggling to pull the massive door open far enough to squeeze inside. It didn't need to be open too far, but even that was difficult enough, since the door was at least a thousand times bigger than me. By my calculations, anyway.
There was another door around the back of the barn that was more my size, one that used to let the sheep who once lived there out into their pasture when their owners wanted them to be there. It was kind of hard to open to, but not nearly as much so. Unfortunately, it still led into the pen the sheep had lived in the rest of the time, the sides of which were too tall for me to climb over without somebody to help me, the gate, even taller than the sides, still firmly chained shut. I had seen Caileigh open it once, from the other side, and it seemed easy enough, but I couldn't reach the chain from the inside of the pen without going up on my tip toes, and even then I had a hard time staying there, and keeping a hold of the chain long enough to even find the part that snapped open, much less slip it off of the link it was fastened around.
So I slipped my feet back into my flip-flops and grabbed the handle of the big door, grunting and groaning as I slowly forced it to move. For a few moments, I thought it was stuck, and then, finally, it began to open. I slipped inside and pushed it closed again, for once glad of my scrawny body - at least I didn't need the door to open too far.
I stared up the ladder, holding my breath so as not to make too much more noise than I already had, waiting to see if I caught any flashes of movement, not that the lack of them proved anything other than Nadine wasn't in the tiny part of the loft I could actually see. We didn't even usually play in that part anyway, since, beside the ladder, there was a big open space with no floor, and nothing under it but a pile of hay and, a few inches away, the door.
I waited what seemed an eternity before stepping up onto the ladder, forcing myself to move higher and higher, since, on every rung, I considered going back down and playing in the field some more. It wasn't a bad idea, I told myself, even if you won't get any reading done.
But I kept going, hoping, even praying softly, as I kept pulling myself higher, higher, until I wondered if the barn had somehow gotten taller since I'd gotten inside, stretching up into the clouds now, birds zooming past the windows, and airplanes doing their best to fly around us, all their happy passengers waving as they went by.
And then I heard her, and my heart, and stomach, fell down somewhere past my feet, bouncing off of the ladder's rungs, probably landing in the hay somewhere, since I didn't hear them land.
"This is my stronghold," she stated, sticking out her tongue at me as she stepped right in front of the top of the ladder, crossing her arms. "You can't come up here." |
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Elizabeth
Site Admin
Joined: 30 Dec 2007
Posts: 172
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| Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:13 am Post subject: |
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Chapter Eighteen
I almost gave up then, told her "Okay," went back outside. There was no reason to deal with her now - it would only end badly, I knew - not when I could just as easily escape, and have at least a little while to formulate some sort of plan.
Then she bent down, snatched my book roughly away from me, almost making me lose my balance, so that I had to grab the floor beside the ladder with one hand, although it probably would have been a better idea to just wrap my hand around the rung again and hang on. The floor was bigger, though, and surely more stable. Except it was a little too big to get my hand around.
"You're reading -this- again?" she sneered, taking a step or two back while she flipped through the book. I started to climb up into the loft, only to have her stomp at my fingers, forcing me to retreat.
"Stop it!" I pleaded. "You're gonna make me fall!"
Nadine shrugged. "It's not that far."
"Nadine, please?" I made my eyes go all wide and stuck out my bottom lip, even though I knew she was immune to that pretty much all the time, unlike Jen, who sometimes gave in to it.
"Fine," she rolled her eyes. "But I'm keeping the book."
She moved back another step, giving me just enough space to get off of the ladder finally, crawling up onto the plywood covered floor. I snatched at my book, thinking she might not expect me to scramble up onto my feet so quickly; neither had I, and I found half of my right foot standing on thin air, forcing me to abandon my rescue effort, instead swinging my arms wildly to avoid falling down to the floor so far below.
Nadine glanced up from the book, looking amused, though her expression soon turned curious, and I saw her nose twitching. My cheeks began to burn as I darted around her, reached out for my book, just barely managing to get a hold as she attempted to whisk it out of my reach. I felt it slipping past my fingers, brought up my other hand to help out, yanked with all my strength.
It came loose, easier than I'd expected, as if she'd let me have it, and I stumbled back a few steps, my feet getting tangled up in my flip-flops and dumping me straight down to the floor on my padded bottom with a loud crinkle I was sure Nadine had heard. I looked up at her nervously, trying to scoot backwards away from her, hoping she wouldn't realize what the sound was.
"I just wanna read," I told her. "You don't hafta play with me or anything."
But she came over closer to me anyway, starting to circle me like a shark, sniffing. "Why do you smell like a baby?" she asked after a minute, as I watched her moving around and around rather than trying to open my book and do my best to ignore her.
"I don't!" I insisted, quickly and loudly, hoping she took that, and my refusal to meet her eyes even though I was staring at her, as indignance rather than nervousness. She stopped, eyes suspiciously fixed on me, and I quickly flipped open the book to a random page and looked down at it, pulling my legs together, at least as far as they would go with the diaper between them, in front of me. "I'm trying to read," I announced loudly, actually able to do so after breathing a sigh of relief when Nadine finally sat down in front of me.
"You do, too smell like a baby," she said after a minute. "And why do your shorts look puffy?"
Horrified, I dropped my book, wincing as I heard it bang against the floor, my eyes immediately on my lap, which, sure enough, looked incredibly big to my eyes. Had she really noticed? Of course she had... How couldn't she? "No, they don't," I lied squeakily. "What are you talking about?"
Nadine grinned her evil little grin. "Did Jen finally realize how much of a baby you are and put you in a diaper?"
My tummy had found its way back to my body at some point, only to start twisting itself up into a knot at her words, and her voice, so sure of herself. How could she know? She had seen us getting into the car the other day... Had -she- been able to recognize that the bag Jen was carrying was a diaper bag? "No," I gulped, for a moment making a rather naughty little wish that I was a better liar, or could have at least looked her in the eye when I spoke. Instead, my eyes moved down, first to my shorts, then quickly over to my feet, a little muddy, though my toes were still pretty and green.
"Oh!" I exclaimed, holding out my hands like a shield, hoping to divert her eyes from my diaper. "See? Jen doesn't think I'm a baby at all, 'cause she let me wear her nail polish!" My stomach gave another little twist as I went on. "I put it on myself!"
She viewed my fingernails critically. "That's a stupid color," she proclaimed after a moment. "And I bet you didn't. You had to get Jen to do it for you, didn't you?"
I blushed. "Well... She helped a little."
Nadine raised an eyebrow. "A little?"
"Okay, fine, she did it all," I admitted, the satisfied expression on her face making me wish I'd stuck with lying. "But I could have done it, if she hadn't. And she wouldn't let me use her nail polish if she didn't do it."
"Bet you couldn't," she said, her voice dangerously close to a dare. "I bet you'd screw it up."
I wanted very much to tell her that I could paint my nails just as well as she could, maybe better, but I forced myself to stay quiet, refusing to take her bait. I didn't want to risk getting in trouble if I was wrong, especially since proving that I wasn't would involve sneaking into Jen's room and stealing some of her stuff, if only for a few minutes. And, while I doubted she could do anything worse than she already had, she had a pretty creative mind when it came to being mean and horrid, and I had no desire to test it.
Nadine started to sulk as she saw she wasn't going to get her opportunity to get me in trouble, yet perked right back up as she remembered what else she had to taunt me about. "I think you -are- wearing a diaper."
"I am not!" I insisted, quickly picking my book back up and setting it down on my lap. "You're just..."
But she didn't let me finish, cut me off with a sudden pounce that knocked me backwards, pinning me against the floor under her weight, struggling helplessly. "Let me up!" I raged, more worried than angry, although I was starting to get pretty mad, too, tummy thrashing violently inside my body, heart pounding, as if trying to get free again and break through the floor below me to play in the pile of hay downstairs again.
"I will in a second," she smiled innocently, thoroughly unimpressed by my struggles. "I just have to check your diaper first."
"I'm not wearing a diaper!" I yelled, tears starting to run down the side of my face as her hand moved to my shorts, began to unbutton them. I was too scared to close my eyes, so I held my breath instead, hoping, praying, that, by some miracle, my diaper would vanish, dissolve back into my panties - though not the ones with the cute pandas, because Nadine would probably make fun of those, too.
It didn't work. As the zipper went down, I could see Blue staring up at me, smiling happily, trying to assure me that everything was okay, even though it wasn't. Nadine was smiling, too, in pretty much the complete opposite way, as she yanked the shorts down, over my legs, past my feet, leaving me laying there in my T-shirt and diaper.
"Really?" she asked, smirking. "'Cause that sure looks like a diaper to me." She got back to her feet, surveying her work, starting to giggle softly as my tears began to flow faster.
What was she going to do? Would she tell Caileigh? But no, probably not... I was pretty sure they didn't really talk to each other much anymore. And besides, she would have to explain how she knew. I doubt even she could come up with a convincing story for that. But she might tell everyone in school, and then none of them would ever want to be my friend again, if they ever did in the first place.
"Give those back!" I screamed at her, trying to leap up and grab my shorts, but I somehow got myself all tangled up, giving her plenty of time to get away, moving towards the ladder.
"Babies don't need shorts," she teased. "All they need is their diapers." And with that, she tossed my shorts down, down, all the way to the bottom floor.
I was on my feet then, fire in my eyes as I ran at her, all my frustration and anger bubbling out, and I wanted to hurt her, wanted to make her cry like she was making me cry.
But I should have known better than to try. She grabbed my arm as I tried to hit her, reached over for the other one, held them both still as I struggled and fought, until she pushed me down onto my knees. "Babies can't walk, either," she said condescendingly, like she was talking to a real baby. "All they can do is crawl."
"I'm not a baby!" I screamed, breaking free and shoving her knees, satisfied to see her fall over, a look of surprise on her face. Even though I wanted very much to go over to her while she was laying there and start hitting her, I was thinking just clearly enough to know it wasn't a good idea, so I instead started to climb down the ladder as fast as I could bear.
Nadine was already there, holding my shorts, eyes flashing. My stomach sank as I saw her; I should have known I wouldn't be fast enough. Nadine was always telling me I was a baby for always using the ladder, and being too scared to just jump off into the hay. It was easy, she claimed, if you were as grown up as you claimed to be. But it was too high, and besides, both Jen and Caileigh had warned me never to try it when I'd mentioned it to them. They'd probably warned Nadine, too, but she didn't care. And if not being able to do that made me a baby... Well, I would live with that.
"Give them back!" I growled, scrambling down the last couple rungs of the ladder, taking just a split second too long to catch Nadine as she darted outside, slamming the door shut behind her. Somehow, I knew right where she was heading, and the realization gave me the strength to open the door with a little less trouble than usual, although, in my hurry, I didn't notice I hadn't opened it quite far enough, just barely giving myself enough room to wriggle through, feeling rather sore afterwards.
Not enough to slow me down. I ran around to the side of the barn, the one facing the woods, finding Nadine standing right where I'd expected her to be as I turned the corner quickly, almost slipping and falling on my face. She was beside the old bathtub that the animals who lived here used to drink from, though now it mostly just stood there and collected rainwater, it's clawed feet scratching down into the mud. It was big, more so than the tub we had at home, but mostly full, like it almost always was, and Nadine was dangling my shorts over the surface of the water.
I stopped a few steps away, cautious. "Nadine, c'mon..." I pleaded, my brain refusing to come up with more to say than that, and my throat refusing to say more, as it gulped in air, trying to refill my lungs.
"Apologize," she demanded, eyes hard, set, ticked off.
"But I didn't do anything!" I cried. This was so unfair! She was the one who tackled me, and took off my shorts! What did she expect me to do?
Probably sit there and take it, like I always did. And maybe I should have. After all, she had been right, and this was probably my punishment for lying, or at least doing such an awful job at it. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, not meaning it.
Nadine looked like she was going to demand another apology, this one sincere, but instead she shrugged boredly. "All right."
"All right?" I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. Was she serious? Did she feel bad, maybe?
"Yeah," she shrugged again. "I won't put them in the water."
Instead, she tossed my shorts down beside the tub, and started to walk away. I ran forward, even though I had no chance of making it in time, since they were already on the ground by the time I started moving. All of the sudden, I slipped, could have sworn I felt myself being pushed, found myself falling forward towards the bathtub. My chest slammed against the edge, knocking the air out of my lungs again, and I slumped to the ground, gasping, crying, my knees sinking down into the mud.
It just wasn't fair, none of it. Nadine never had to go through any of this stuff - why was it always me? I leaned my head against the side of the tub, sniffling. If only someday, she could know what it felt like, maybe she wouldn't be so mean to me all the time. But that would never happen. She would never be stupid enough to let herself get trapped into agreeing to something like this.
My chest was starting to hurt, and crying wasn't helping very much, so I wiped my eyes, started to get up, putting a hand on the top of the tub to help pull myself up out of the mud, which seemed to be holding onto my legs with all of its might, like it was trying to pull me down underneath it, bury me where I wouldn't be found ever again. If my tummy wasn't starting to feel empty, I might not have minded so much.
The top of the tub was slippery, my hand sliding off of it almost immediately, sending me banging back into the side of it, my hand going down into the water a few inches before I hurriedly pulled it out, in case there were any pirahnas or sharks or something in there. I'd never seen them before, but you could never tell, especially when you weren't looking into it at the moment.
Once I got to my feet on my own, picking up my slightly muddy shorts, I glanced at the tub, just to see how close a call I'd had, but, sure enough, there was nothing there between the surface, which was slowly rippling, and the bottom, probably all slimy and slippery like the top edge had been. As I watched, the ripples died down, leaving the water as still and smooth as a mirror.
My shorts weren't too dirty, really, although I couldn't brush the mud that was there off; I just ended up smearing it around more. After a few tries, I gave up and put them back on, trying to adjust my shirt so that Jen wouldn't notice it, but it wasn't long enough, so I lifted it instead, looking down at my chest, where I could see a bruise already forming.
I brushed it tentatively, pulling my fingers away quickly as soon as they touched it, wincing. "Stupid bathtub," I muttered, starting to walk back around the barn. "Stupid Nadine."
She was already long gone by then, probably gloating back at her house, or waiting on her porch to watch me slouching home, all muddy and tired. And diapered. I hoped she was inside - I didn't think I could take seeing her again just yet. Just in case, I walked as slowly as I could, pretending I was sinking down into the path with every step, the mud on my legs from the barn trying to pull me down into the earth again.
About halfway there, I remembered my book. I turned around, the path now being much nicer, letting me run back the other way without grabbing at me. By the time I'd climbed up the ladder and retrieved poor Alice, and gotten back down, my tummy was feeling very empty, so I walked normally back home, since my legs were too tired to run all the way.
Nadine wasn't on her porch, luckily; she was probably eating lunch already. Caileigh had probably even baked her cookies. She was nice that way, even to people who didn't deserve it.
I made sure to wipe off my flip-flops before I went inside my house, mostly because the sight of the bristly mat beside the door reminded me. I spent a while there, until my hunger began to outweigh my anxiety over how Jen would react to the sight of me. Would she be upset? Would she be angry?
Mostly, she was just surprised, it turned out.
"What have you been up to?" she asked, eyes as wide as they had been since she'd turned away from the pots boiling on the stove and seen me standing in the doorway.
I thought about telling her the truth, but I knew she wouldn't believe me. She never did, just like Caileigh, though at least Jen didn't get as upset about it. What was the point? I didn't feel like getting yelled at for making up stories, not after everything else.
So I fibbed, smiling as innocently as I could, fluttering an eyelash or two, trying to look just irresistibly adorable, letting my arms fall down in front of me, my book held between them as they swung back and forth. "I was just reading in the barn."
Chapter Nineteen
Jen looked at me doubtfully, her shocked expression slowly fading, replaced with something that may have been faint amusement. "Let me see the bottom of your flip-flops, she ordered with a sigh, and I obediently lifted one foot, then the other once she had nodded. "All right, keep those on - they look cleaner than your feet. Turn around."
I blinked quizzically, wondering what she wanted. The only thing behind me was the door back outside, and that was where the mud was. It wasn't until she spun one of her fingers in a circle that I figured out what she meant. I turned slowly, still a little confused, but knowing it would be better if I just obeyed her. One of the pots began to boil as she watched me, forcing her to quickly turn back to the stove, sliding it off of the burner and lifting the lid with a slight frown. She picked up one of the big spoons, one with all the holes in it, and started to poke at the contents of the pan.
I stood quietly, trying my best to be a good girl, trying to decipher the scents wafting over from the stove, until she finally remembered I was there. "Go down to the basement and put your shorts with the other laundry," she instructed, not looking up at me for more than a second as she picked up the pot, moving it off of the stove, and over to the sink. "Lunch'll probably be done by the time you get back up here."
I glanced down at my shorts, which didn't look all -that- dirty, decided not to argue anyway. I didn't think Jen was mad at me, yet it was still a good idea not to push her, not when I was feeling too worn out to deal with her. I set my book on the edge of the counter as I passed by, switched on the light in the stairway to the basement.
I used to be afraid of going down there, of the eternal darkness laying curled up in wait where the steps ended, which had to be ventured into a few steps before your fingers could start scrambling over the wall, searching for the light switch. I guess I still was, a little bit, but I had gotten better about it, and very rarely outright refused to go down by myself anymore. Of course, I rarely went down there at all, alone or not.
Even so, I paused halfway down, the utter silence from below rushing forward, mixing with and muffling the sound of Jen talking to herself upstairs as she finished cooking. My tummy rumbled as I heard something like the oven door opening, letting loose the smell of bread to flow through the house. The sooner I got this over with, I told myself, the sooner I could eat.
I nodded resolutely, continued climbing downward, flip-flops slapping against the wooden steps, a little annoying, yes, but more likely to scare away anything hiding in the dark than the quiet of my bare feet. I held my breath as I came to the last step, hopped off, turned the corner, running my hand up the cool wall, almost wanting to just lean up against it with my whole body. That was the one good thing about the basement, the fact that it was nice and cold, even in the summer.
Click. The light bulb blinked a couple times, a frantic plea from my lips giving it the strength to stay lit the last time, shining down over the boxes stacked all across the cement floor, stacked up over my head in a few places, most of the labels hidden under other boxes, or faded away. It was almost like a maze, a labyrinth, full of little treasures, locked away in cardboard. I used to like going through the boxes, at least the ones that were full of old magazines - even before I could read, it was fun to get lost in all the pictures - until Jen had quietly scooted the stacks of boxes around me while I was particularly absorbed, sitting off in the corner of the basement, and trapped me there.
Since then, I hadn't spent much time down there, always a little apprehensive. And I did my best not to venture into the thick of the boxes at all; even though I knew Jen had moved them that time, ever since, I was always certain they were in different arrangements every time I came downstairs; I was sure they had learned to move on their own, and if I tried to move in on their space they would build a maze around me, or just plain trap me again.
But as long as I stayed around the edges, I knew I'd be okay. So that's what I did, kept up against the wall as I slowly walked around the room, towards the side where the humongous freezer, way bigger than me, and maybe even big enough for Jen to fit inside, if there wasn't a bunch of other stuff in there already, and the washer and drier, stood. I wriggled out of my shorts, tossed them into laundry basket on top of the washer. They didn't quite make it, ended up hanging over the edge of the basket, but I decided it was close enough, and edged over to the freezer.
The lid wasn't quite as heavy as the barn door, although sometimes it felt that way, especially if you weren't careful, and it closed on your fingers. Still, it took a fair bit of effort to lift it, and even more to keep it up while I scanned the contents, mostly disappointed by them. Sometimes, mommy would put stuff like popsicles and ice cream sandwiches down there instead of in the refrigerator's freezer, but I didn't see any there now. Which probably was a good thing, since, now that I was shorts-less, I didn't have any pockets to hide the wrapper in once I got back upstairs until I could throw it away, and Jen would likely yell at me for not waiting until after I'd had "real" food.
She might yell at me anyway, if I took too long in the basement, or at least get suspicious. So I gave up in my search, letting down the lid as gently as I could, although I did let it drop the last inch or two, as always, to make sure none of my fingers got caught, and moved back around the perimeter of the basement, switching off the light and darting around to the steps.
By the time I got back up to the kitchen, Jen was eyeing a plate critically, before dipping the spoon back into the pot. She turned when she heard me, surveyed my appearance. "That's better, I guess," she said, not sounding particularly convinced. "But I think we're going to eat at the table, instead of on the couch."
"Okay," I shrugged, starting towards my chair, noticing the tray of biscuits sitting on the counter.
"No, no, no," she shook her head. "No sitting until you wash your hands."
"They're clean!" I pouted, sighing as she fixed me with a stare that told me she didn't believe me, and if I didn't do it myself, she'd do it for me. I trudged back away from the table, taking a short detour to grab my book to set down on my bed before heading to the bathroom and washing my hands, which actually did turn out to be a little dirty after all.
When I got back to the kitchen, Jen was already eating, and there was a plate waiting for me at my seat, covered with a hot dog, a biscuit spread with butter and strawberry jelly, and, much to my horror, peas. "Jen!" I whined, standing beside my chair sulkily.
She sighed. "They're not that bad, Penni. And they're good for you. I didn't even give you that many."
I glared down at my plate, which appeared to contradict her pretty badly. She rolled her eyes, set her fork down. "Penni, just sit down and eat."
"Fine," I huffed, climbing up onto my chair and picking up my biscuit, setting it down again quickly. "That's hot!" I exclaimed, waving my hands and giving Jen a dirty look across the table.
"They did just come out of the oven, sweetie," she shrugged, sort of apologetically. "Maybe you should eat your peas first, and get them out of the way."
"Do I -have- to?" I asked, eyes wide and sad, bottom lip sticking out, but not expecting any results, especially not the one I got.
"Nope," Jen shook her head, leaving me so shocked I couldn't do more than blink until she continued. "Though if you don't eat them yourself, I'll come over there and feed them to you. I know where some of your old bibs are, not to mention your high chair. It might be a bit of a pain to get it down here, but I'd be willing to do it."
"You're awful," I pouted, starting to cut a piece off of my hot dog with the side of my fork.
"Does that mean you want me to?" Her eyes shone hopefully, waiting for me to make some kind of a mistake she could construe into the 'Yes' she wanted to hear. I didn't answer her at all, just kept eating, eyes fixed on my plate, and the humongous pile of peas sitting on it, waiting.
Even though it meant waiting for my biscuit to finish cooling enough to touch it, I finished it and my hot dog, thoroughly drenched in the mixture of ketchup and Ranch dressing that Jen knew how to make just right, before even starting to poke at the peas. Jen was already done by then, and watching me, amused, as I speared one at a time, wrinkling my nose as I chewed up each one. I probably would have continued that way, although it likely would have taken me the rest of the afternoon, if I hadn't been interrupted by a sudden urge to use the bathroom.
I glanced up at Jen, halfway considering asking if I hadn't eaten enough yet; I had the feeling any such question would be considered a good enough reason to get out my high chair, and I had no desire to tempt her with that. That didn't stop me from squirming in my chair unhappily, however, as I started to eat upwards of two peas at a time, and then began to scoop as many as I could get onto my fork as another pang hit. That made them vanish much more quickly, although it still didn't feel quite fast enough, and, by the time I set my fork down on my empty plate, my diaper was wet, but that wasn't even the worst of my worries.
"Good girl," Jen smiled, getting up, stacking her plate on top of mine and taking it over to the sink. "Now, I think we'd better get you cleaned up before we do the dishes, okay?"
I nodded, blushing a little as she took my hand and led me to the bathroom, where she had me sit on the toilet lid as she took off my flip-flops, rinsed them off in the tub as I fidgeted away beside her, so close but so far, trying to work up the courage to speak up, too humiliated by the thought to do so.
"Someone's a little wiggle worm today," Jen teased, tickling my tummy as she lifted my shirt, bringing it up and over my head, pausing for a moment at the sight of the bruise on my chest. "Jeez, Penni, what happened to you?"
I looked down sheepishly, having nearly forgotten about that. "Oh, it was..." I started to say, before changing my mind, chickening out. "I just slipped and fell into the side of the old tub beside the barn."
She shook her head sympathetically. "You should be careful, hon. You could fall in there and drown or something."
"I'm not going to drown," I told her, sticking out my tongue, getting giggled at in return, until I felt the pain in my tummy again, telling me I'd have to act soon if I was going to. "Umm... Jen..." I started, cheeks growing redder as she looked up at my face.
"What is it?"
I tilted my head away, down, towards the wet diaper on my bottom, which was only a slightly less embarrassing view for my confession. "I... umm..." I paused, wincing, wishing she would use that big sister sense of hers to figure it out on her own. Or maybe she had, and she just wanted me to say it out loud. I began to resolve not to, just to show her a thing or two, but I knew that admitting it wouldn't be nearly as bad as what would happen if I didn't. "I hafta go to the baffwoom," I sniffled.
Jen smiled. "That's what your diaper is for, babe. I think it can take another..."
I shook my head frantically. "No, it's not that. I hafta..."
Her eyes went wide with comprehension. "Ohhh..." Then she smiled. "Well, your diaper is for that, too."
I sniffled again, bottom lip quivering. "Jen, c'mon... Please..."
She looked at me for a minute, deep in contemplation.
"Please don't make me," I pleaded.
"Oh, all right," she caved in finally. "I'll let you use the potty."
"Thank you!" I cried, jumping down to hug her while she laughed, undid the tapes of my diaper and letting it fall with a wet thud to the floor before lifting the lid of the toilet and setting my down on it. She picked up the diaper and my T-shirt and retreated, even shut the door to give me a little privacy. I couldn't believe winning the right not to have to poop my diaper made me feel so grown up; if I hadn't been so happy I'd managed to do it, then my pride would have made me feel like even more of a baby than ever.
After a few minutes, there was a light tap at the bathroom door. "All done, hon?" Jen's voice drifted in.
I nodded, remembered she couldn't see me, said, "Uh-huh."
The door opened, and Jen came in, setting a new T-shirt, diaper and the baby powder and oil down on the sink, bending over to turn the knobs on the tub, putting in the plug. I waited behind her, starting to wish I'd tempted fate and given myself a bath - after all, she hadn't said straight out this "cleaning up" up me had to be done by her. I knew it was what she meant, though, and, after just getting a favor from her, I didn't want to push her generosity too far. Besides, it wasn't that big a difference from usual, since I usually had somebody help me wash my hair, since I didn't like having the water pound down on me from the shower head. And it hadn't been all that long since I'd stopped getting my entire bath given to me.
At first, I thought it wouldn't be so bad after all; Jen turned off the water while there was still only a few inches in the tub, lifted me in and set me down, smiling gently as she soaped up a washcloth. "You certainly are a mess, aren't you?", she asked, grinning when I stuck out my tongue at her. "Did you have fun playing in the mud?"
I blushed a little, nodded anyway, giggling as the washcloth went between my toes, inadvertently - or maybe not so much so - tickling the bottom of my foot. Jen smiled, was nice enough not to continue tickling me, instead gently running the soapy cloth up my legs, getting rid of most of the mud caked there. I scooted backwards, so that I could lean against the back of the tub, closing my eyes and relaxing, wondering why I'd ever started doing any of this for myself.
Then, before I realized hardly any time had passed, I heard Jen pulling the plug, felt the water whooshing past me into the drain. I opened my eyes slowly, sadly. "Done already?" I asked, sounding more disappointed than I meant to.
Jen smiled, shook her head. "Nope, not at all." And once the tub had drained, she put the plug back in, started the water back up, letting it fill up much more this time. I leaned back and closed my eyes again, feeling it swish and flow all around me, covering me up, hardly noticing the sound of Jen opening the cupboard under the sink, although I most definitely did notice the bubbles that came from the bottle she retrieved from there when my eyelids cracked open.
"Yay!" I giggled, splashing around in the bubbles, some of which landed on Jen's shirt. She tried to look angry at me, but couldn't stop herself from giggling, too, as she picked up the washcloth again.
"Glad you like it," she said, running the cloth, and the bubbles attached to it, up my tummy to my chest, making sure to be careful around the bruise, which was starting to look pretty ugly. She pulled me forward so she could reach my back, while I scooped up bubbles into my palms blowing them up into the air and giggling as they floated back down to the water.
"Bend your head back," Jen instructed softly, leaving my side for long enough to get something else from under the cupboard, this time an empty cup. I followed her instructions obediently, even closing my eyes before she asked me to, protecting them from any soap or shampoo. I felt water pouring slowly over my head once, twice, three times, then nothing for a minute.
I lifted an eyelid, just a little, to watch Jen pouring shampoo into her hands, rubbing them together before reaching for my head. It smelled nice, although the scent was rather faint, and hard to place, almost like warm honey, almost some sort of flower. I snapped my eye closed, just to be safe - I could only remember getting shampoo in my eyes a couple times, but the memory was bad enough to keep me from wanting to risk it again.
Jen's fingers danced across my head, gently massaging my scalp, until I found my eyelids starting to relax, no longer smushed tightly against each other, and I found myself yawning.
"What were you saying about not wanting a nap?" Jen teased, her fingers going still, pulling away, reaching for the cup again to rinse out my hair.
"Shu'up," I mumbled sleepily. She had tricked me, that was all. She knew baths made me sleepy, and that's why she made me take one, so she could be right about me supposedly "needing" a nap. That had to be it. Why else would she decide I needed one... Well, other than my kinda dirty legs.
"Ready to get out?" she whispered, once she had poured a few more cupfulls of water over my head. I nodded, felt the water rush past me for a few moments before Jen plucked me out of the tub, wrapping me in a big, fluffy towel.
I thought for sure I remembered her laying me down on the towel and diapering me, in between drying me off and carrying me to my bed, but by the time I woke up, I was in my big girl panties, and another pair of shorts, dark green, and there was no sign of either my diaper bag or the diaper genie anywhere. I stumbled out of my room, yawning, nearly running right into mommy.
"Did you have a nice nap, Penni?" she asked with a smile. I nodded, gave her a hug to welcome her home, even though I wasn't sure how long she'd been there. She bent down to hug me back.
Then I heard the sniff, and my heart froze.
"Sweetie, why do you smell like baby powder?" My throat froze as she pulled away, eyes firmly locked into my gaze.
Should I tell her? After all, she had asked, and Jen couldn't get mad if I told her then, because if I lied, I would get in even more trouble. But her words from a few days before were still echoing through my mind, as well as the warning they'd contained. If I told mommy that Jen was making me wear diapers, then Jen would tell her about my accident, and then she would put me in diapers all the time... That would make everything, especially Jen's babying of me, worse. I couldn't do that, but what else could I do?
"We got her a new kind of shampoo the other day," Jen's voice spoke up from behind mommy, sounding entirely convincing. I could have hugged her, if mommy's hands weren't still attached to my shoulders. "I noticed it smelled kind of like baby powder, too. Weird, huh?"
Silence. My tummy started to twist up inside me, and I was sure mommy knew Jen was lying, until, finally, she nodded. "Yeah, that is weird," she smiled, kissing the top of my head. "But it smells nice on you."
"Umm... Thanks," I blushed.
"She didn't even believe me," Jen continued, shaking her head. "She said it didn't smell anything like that."
"Well, I doubt she remembers what baby powder smells like. Do you, honey?" My cheeks flushed again as she looked down at me, and I shook my head.
"No," Jen smiled. "I guess she wouldn't."
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