Elizabeth
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 Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:29 am Post subject: Penni For Your Thoughts: Prologue |
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Penni Dreadful
Jen always hated it when I went into her room without her permission, like I was going to break all her stuff or something. I mean, yeah, I kinda knocked one of her bottles of nail polish over once, but that was only once! The bottle hadn't broken or anything, and let's be honest, it made her carpet much more interesting. Definitely no reason for her to freak out about it.
But that didn't matter anymore, since she wasn't there to stop me. Mom would tell me to leave Jen's stuff alone every now and then, but she never actually stopped me from going in. She'd even taken my picture one night when I'd decided I'd rather sleep in her room - what can I say, her bed is more comfortable than mine, plus it smelled really nice for some reason - and sent it to Jen.
Without telling me until afterwards, of course, like it was none of my business. I was sure Jen would be pissed, but instead, she'd been really nice the next time she called. It's always hard to tell with her, because she is a huge freak.
She was, after all, the person who, back two years before, the summer I turned eight, had made me wear diapers. And not just once or twice either, but for almost the whole summer. And if that doesn't take a real weirdo, well, then maybe -I'm- the strange one; I think we all know that isn't true.
"What are you doing, sweetie?" Mom called from the living room. "You need to get moving if you're going to go over to the barn!"
"I'm hurrying!" I shouted back. "I'm just closing the window in Jen's room!"
"Thank you, hon!" I smiled for a moment, just long enough for her to say, "Don't play with any of her stuff!" before I could pre-emptively inform her that I wasn't doing any such thing.
It was true, kinda. I mean, what I was looking for wasn't really Jen's, even if she had paid for it. She certainly never intended to use it herself. Or at least I assume not, though the thought is funny enough to make me giggle, a little too loudly.
"Penni!"
"I'm hurrying!" I repeat myself, hoping she can understand my words through the chuckle or two that managed to escape while I was talking, despite my best efforts.
"Well, you're pretty horrible at it, then."
I had the urge to push Nadine out of the window, which she had just climbed into the house through and was sitting on the sill of, but, as usual, I was too much of a chicken to try it. She was, after all, quite a bit bigger than me, and almost a teenager, at least according to her. She said that you counted as a teenager as soon as you turned twelve, but mom said it wasn't until thirteen.
She'd been gone for a while, after she'd helped me out with the moon, if the one that I'd seen that night really had been her. I still think it was probably the mirror-Nadine, and the real one was just mad at me and stayed locked up in her room. She'd apparently gotten over it by the time I got back from that place, though, because that's when she started visiting me again. Not as often as she used to, but every now and then.
"Are you seriously looking for a diaper?" she asked with a sneer.
"No, I'm not!" I declared, quickly turning back around towards Jen's closet, hopefully in time to hide the blush rushing across my cheeks. It was true, too. Technically... I didn't want a diaper. Just a Pull-Up. They weren't the same thing! With Pull-Ups, you didn't -have- to use them, since you could get out of them without running a really high risk of ruining them and not being able to close them again! There was a huge difference, not that I'd expect Nadine to understand.
"Do you really think that Jen's gonna come home from college if you start acting like a baby again?"
"For your information," I told her, making sure to stay quiet enough that mom wouldn't hear me, "I'm spending the night at the barn, and..." Well, I could have explained how I had been wetting the bed - not all the time, just every now and then! - and I didn't want to end up with a wet sleeping bag, because that would be icky, or that I wanted to make sure that if, in the middle of the night, I woke up and had to go to the bathroom, I wanted to make sure that if I couldn't make it all the way back home, I at least wouldn't soak my pajama pants.
Neither of those, however, seemed like a particularly good defense against her argument. "And you're not invited," I finished up with instead. I was expecting her to point out that it was her barn, but I guess she didn't really care too much about that part.
"So you're that afraid of being in the big, dark barn by yourself, huh?" she teased instead.
"Oh, shut up," I growled. "I don't have to listen to you, you know." Someone had told me that... I'm not really sure who. It's possible it was something who hates me and wanted to see me get beat up, since I'm pretty sure it was the same person who told me I was strong enough to stand up to Nadine.
"Hey, whatever," she shrugged, hopping down out of the window right before I could storm over and shut it.
I turned back towards Jen's closet, but, after a minute, I shook my head and went back to my own room to grab my stuff. It was just a stupid idea, anyway, I told myself. Even if I'd taken one with me, I probably wouldn't have put it on. I hadn't really wet my bed at all for a couple weeks, or at least one.
My costume was still laying on my bed, and I left it there, figuring I could put it up the next day. I thought it was a good costume, and I'd worked really hard on it - mom had helped, a little, too - but everybody had kept asking me what I was supposed to be.
But at least I'd gotten a pretty good candy haul. Most of which I had hidden inside my sleeping bag, except for a few token pieces I'd left on my desk so that if mom looked in, she'd think I had taken any. Every Halloween, she always told me not to eat all my candy that night. I don't know why she thought I'd try, since I never had, as far as I could remember, but she always said that anyway. I wasn't planning on it that year either, but I wanted to have a good variety to choose from, and I was sure, if she'd seen how much I was taking, she'd have gotten all mad.
I was taking my flashlight, too, of course, and I had a book I'd just gotten from the library about stars and stuff, which I tried my best to balance on top of my sleeping bag.
"Don't try to read too much, honey," mom warned me as she saw that. "You'll hurt your eyes reading by flashlight."
"I'll be fine," I told her. "It's a full moon."
"Still," mom sighed, "if you want to read, just stay here."
"Mom, I'm gonna be fine," I assured her.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes!" I might have snapped a little, but she was treating me like such a little kid! You'd think I was going halfway across the world or something. "I'll be fine," I smiled sweetly when she raised her eyebrow at my outburst. "I promise."
"Well, we'll leave the back door unlocked," she said. "You can come back to your own bed anytime you want." I nodded, though I had no plans to do any such thing. "Do you want daddy to carry your stuff over there for you?" I shook my head, knowing what she was really asking was if I wanted him to walk me over, and I didn't need that. "Okay. Goodnight, Penni."
"Goodnight, mom," I said, getting up on my tip-toes to give her a kiss. I nearly dropped my sleeping bag, but somehow managed to keep ahold of it.
"Sweet dreams," she called after me, before turning the sound on the movie she and daddy were watching back up. Daddy was in the kitchen, making popcorn, but he'd already seen it before.
"Goodnight, daddy!" I told him as I passed through the kitchen, stopping long enough to give him a kiss, too. I didn't stop too long, because I knew if I did, he would just go through the same thing mom just had.
The moon was indeed quite full as I stepped outside, just as bright as it had been a little while ago when I'd come back from trick or treating. The stars were out, too, dancing and laughing above me. I waved to them, and they twinkled back happily.
"Hey, cutie," came a voice from the swing set.
For her, I actually set my sleeping bag down so that I could give her a hug, which she returned with a chuckle, though just one armed, as she raised her other hand above my head so her cigarette wouldn't brush against me. I really didn't like it when she smoked, so she didn't usually do it around me.
"Thank you," I smiled up at Caileigh.
"No problem," she beamed down at me, running a hand across my hair. Gently, not like Jen, who was always trying to mess it up. "I had a blast. Did you?"
I nodded enthusiastically. She'd driven me over to Lilly's house earlier that day, since Lilly, being her usual nice self, had invited me to go trick or treating with her. Sometimes I got the feeling that she was treating me like a little sister, I guess because she was a grade ahead of me by then, but for the most part she was a lot of fun to be around. Much more than anyone in my class.
Trick or treating there had been way different than doing it at home. Usually, I'd have to get Jen to drive me, since Caileigh and Nadine's family were the only people whose house I could really walk to. Me and Nadine were also the only ones young enough to go trick or treating - not that Nadine ever wanting to, claiming that she'd grown out of it years ago - so the other neighbors would usually give me whole, full sized candy bars, or bake cookies for me, or stuff like that. It was cool, but there really weren't that many of them.
Not like in Lilly's neighborhood, anyway. Caileigh had still gone with us, though I think she just didn't have anything better to do, but we were able to walk the whole time, and see a bunch of other kids all dressed up. I was happy nobody else was dressed up like a tornado, since I'd been worried someone would have had the same idea, and made a better costume. The candy people were handing out was in smaller portions, but we went to a bunch more houses, so I ended up getting a lot more than usual. Plus, on the way home, Caileigh had stopped at our neighbors' houses, so I'd gotten candy from them, too! It was, indeed, a glorious stash. Hopefully Nadine wouldn't steal most of it, like she always did.
"Well, good," she said with a nod. "Did you remember to tell your mom I can drive you to Girl Scouts this week after all?"
"Uh-huh," I glanced down at my feet, quickly amending that with, "I will." Caileigh usually had to work when I had Girl Scouts, but she pretty much always took me to the orthodontist. And she'd take me to where she worked afterwards and give me a free milkshake that we were supposed to keep secret from mom.
I don't know why Jen couldn't have just stayed here and worked, too. She and Caileigh had always had these big plans to go to college together, and be roommates, and all that good stuff. When the time had come, though, Caileigh had decided she wasn't ready to go back to school yet. Jen, on the other hand, had apparently decided that she couldn't wait, so instead of waiting for her best friend, she'd gone ahead without her.
"I'm sure you will," she smiled. "Hey, do you want me to walk you over to the barn?"
It was tempting - walking with your friend is much different than having your daddy take you - but in the end, I shook my head. "That's okay."
"Well, sweet dreams, cutie," she hugged me again.
I picked up my stuff and headed off, setting my flashlight precariously on top of the book, on top of the sleeping bag, long enough so that I could wave to Caileigh. She waved back, cigarette already back glowing at her mouth.
The grass in the field crunched under my flip-flopped feet as I walked across the field. For almost being November, and thus almost being Christmas, it was still pretty warm outside, which I was pretty sure had something to do with the fact that it hadn't rained for months, other than a sprinkle here and there, barely enough to get the ground wet. I hadn't minded too much in the summer, since that meant I could go out and play whenever I wanted, but it was a little disappointing that now, once it did rain - if it ever did again - I probably wouldn't be allowed to go play in it, since I'd be in school, or doing homework, or having to go to bed so I could wake up and do it all over again.
I stopped about halfway across the field to sneak a Three Musketeers out of my sleeping bag, having decided that I needed nourishment if I was going to make the rest of the long trek through the desert. My trusty camel had died on me miles back, and I'd been out of water for miles before that. Maybe that was why the poor camel had died.
"Oh, why did I try to find the lost treasure of Pazuzu by myself?" I lamented. What terrible fate would befall me? What dark creatures were out there, waiting in the sand dunes, waiting for me to trip, so that they could leap out and attack? Why had I believed that old storyteller at the inn in Cairo? Why, oh why?!
Despite the dire situation, I found myself giggling as I finally got the wrapper of my chocolate torn open and took a bite. For it being Halloween, I hadn't really eaten all that much candy yet, just some in the car on the way home, and maybe a piece or two while I was walking with Lilly, and then a Jolly Rancher or two at home, and those barely counted since they weren't even chocolate, and you didn't chew them, or you could break your teeth, at least according to Jen.
I stopped mid-giggle as I looked up from the Three Musketeers, sure I'd just seen the shadow of something darting beside me. "Hello?" I called quietly, not actually wanting anyone to answer me. When nothing did, I stood back up, but I turned on my flashlight just in case, even if the moon was pretty bright. I couldn't really hold it and eat my candy bar at the same time, plus I didn't actually need it, so I just held it by the little carrying loop on the bottom and let it swing back and forth.
However, instead of the extra light scaring away whatever creepy-crawlies were lurking around me, it seemed to attract them, as I kept seeing more and more shadows darting around me, getting closer, then backing off, then lunging even closer than before. I could feel my heart thumping loudly in my chest. I even turned back towards home once, but by then it was even further away than the barn, so I just kept going, making my feet move faster.
And so, naturally, when I saw a hand suddenly come out of the darkness and grab my arm, I couldn't help but give a little scream. It came out as more of a squeak, since I was almost out of breath at that point, but it was more than loud enough to give Nadine a good laugh.
"You jerk," I hissed at her, stopping to catch my breath. "What's wrong with you?!"
"Aww, did I scare you?" she taunted. "Did baby pee her pants?"
"No, I did not!" I glared, though, to be honest, I was surprised, and quite happy, to realize I really had not. "What are you doing? I told you you're not invited."
"Oh, I wouldn't spend the night out there anyway," she shrugged. "Not when I have a nice, comfy bed waiting for me."
"Are you sure -you're- not just scared?" I teased, sticking out my tongue, only to have her shove me, almost knocking me over. "Hey!" I pouted, having to bend over to pick up my book, which had fallen as I kept myself from doing the same.
"No, I'm just not stupid," Nadine said, folding her arms. "Don't you know what happened in that barn?"
"Well, you almost made me drown," I recalled. "Plus, one time you tried to push me off the ladder."
"You were almost at the bottom," she shrugged. "And it's not like you fell or anything. Jeez." She shook her head. "But this happened a long time ago, way before you were born. The people who used to own the barn had a daughter, too, and she was a loser who didn't have any friends, so she spent all her time over there. Like someone I think we both know."
"I have friends," I glowered.
"Don't interrupt me," she shot back harshly. "Anyway, one day, this horrible serial murderer was being transported to a different jail when the police car he was in got in an accident, and it broke the back window of the car. Before the cops who were driving him could stop him, he used the broken glass to get free from his handcuffs, but while he was crawling out of the car, he also ended up cutting off one of his hands."
I wrinkled my nose at that thought, but that time I stayed quiet. "He ran and ran, and finally he found an old barn he could hide in. He didn't have any weapons, though, and he only had one hand, so he found an old scythe and took the blade out of it to put in his stump so he could kill anyone who came into his hiding place."
"And he killed the little girl?" I asked. She didn't look pleased, but she nodded anyway. "I'm pretty sure you're just making that up..."
"Hey, believe what you want," she tossed her golden hair. "It's not like I would know more about it or anything. I mean, it's not like it's -my- barn..."
"Whatever," I tried to sound as nonchalant as her. Unsurprisingly, I wasn't anywhere near as good at it, especially since I ruined it a few seconds later with a quiet, "But they caught him, right?"
She shook her head. "They found the girl's body, and a set of bloody footprints leading off into the woods, but the police never found him. He might even still be in there, somewhere." She shrugged. "Just thought you'd like to know."
"Well, I still think you're trying to scare me," I told her, feeling a little more confident at just hearing myself say the words.
Even so, my hand froze on the barn door for an instant. "So... Just leave me alone," I said, trying to cover it up.
"Penni, please don't do this," Nadine grabbed my hand. For how warm it was out, she felt rather cold, and she was shaking.
"You're not fooling me," I swatted her hand aside, feeling a surge of pride as I did so. "I'm going to spend the whole night out here, and you're not going to stop me, because I'm not scared!"
"Penni!"
I pulled open the door and slipped inside. Luckily, she really didn't seem interested in coming inside after all, since it took me a little while to figure out exactly where and how to drop everything before I could close the door in her face. She banged on it a few times, but by the time I had wrestled my sleeping bag up to the second floor so I could look out the window up there, she was gone.
Even as bright as the moon was, and with my flashlight, it did turn out to be kinda hard to read up there, so I gave up after a couple pages and just looked at the pictures, which was just as good. After a while, I began to wish I'd brought my CD player, since it was really quiet up there, but I quickly remedied that by singing all of my favorite songs at the top of my lungs. I bounced around up there once I was bored with that, just happy at being able to stay up as late as I could, and possibly a little more full of sugar than I really should have been.
Once, I thought I saw a shadow moving downstairs, something big and curved, but after an initial gasp and shiver, I decided it was just my imagination, or it was Nadine playing a trick on me somehow. Still, I tried to avoid looking down there from then on.
After a little while, my tummy started to hurt a bit, and so did my head, so I decided that maybe it was time for bed. I snuggled into my sleeping bag, surprised to find out just how heavy my eyelids felt once I was laying down and taking my glasses off.
I don't even remember going to sleep, though I vaguely recall waking up for a few moments of confusion, trying to figure out why my legs felt all wet and clammy, but too sleepy to do anything more than wonder dreamily and rub my ears. That weird crackling sound didn't go away, nor did the smell of smoke that came slowly wafting upwards.
'It's not anything to worry about', I told myself, drifting back towards the edge of slumber. 'Just Nadine playing some stupid prank.' I gave a little cough as I rolled over, and then a yawn, my eyes opening for just a second, long enough to start to water. I reached up to rub them, annoyed, noticing, when I opened them again, that it was strangely bright on the bottom floor of the barn.
"You're not scaring me, Nadine," I called down, interrupting myself partway with another yawn. "Just go away and let me go back to sleep..."
It took me another second or two to realize what was going on. It was almost a full minute after that before the terror truly took ahold of me, and I began to scream.
I don't know how long it took me to escape from the fire; sometimes, I wonder if I ever really did. Sometime, it feels like it's been following me around ever since.
Jen came home the next day. She tried to act like everything was normal, but I could see her eyes, how scared she was. Of me, I guess - I was pretty sure I looked terrible, like some kind of monster, no matter how often mom and the nurses told me otherwise.
Jen only stayed a couple days. I guess I couldn't blame her too much; the hospital was horribly boring. She seemed really weird, and distracted, and when she came to say goodbye, she didn't even warn me to stay out of her room.
I reminded her, and I meant it as a joke, really. She even smiled for a moment, so I thought she got it, but as she turned to leave me room, I could see her crying.
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